iZombie Maternity Liv

iZombie seems to run hot and lukewarm and, sadly, this week was one of the lukewarm episodes.

It opens with a bunch of teens who were about to get slashed apart in a horror film have a girl from the bizarro set of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt fall into their laps. Apparently, she's Emily Sparrow, super pregnant, kidnapped for months, and dying. Judging by the number of kidnappings, I'm starting to think an overabundance of Starbucks makes absconding people seem a cool thing to do. Maybe we need to get Seattle those day lights to combat SAD. Seattle, kidnapping won't solve all your problems.

Because we need a red herring, Liv has a flashback to Emily's parents mad that she went through a stringy-EDM-skateboarder phase and got pregnant. Of course, that must mean the parents are guilty in Liv's mind because we need this to stretch out for an hour.

On top of the flashbacks, Emily's brain also gives Liv "maternal instincts." Not the one's you'd expect from a new mother -- exhaustion, inability to put up with bullshit, and the capability to rip the arms off a grizzly bear. It's more like Liv swallowed a pinterest board and every mother character in a sitcom from an actress of a certain age who's probably 10 years older than the one playing her son. She'd lick faces, adjust ties, and go on rants about kids getting jobs.

I get they were going for cute, but it just screamed "We don't know anything about Moms, so let's use every stereotype in the creaking wheelhouse." Whenever Liv went into Mommy mode I groaned and waited until it snapped or someone else popped up. Thankfully, everyone else was on point this episode.

Read the Rest Here

Candy Wrappers

I'm at that in between stage where I don't want to start a big project but am bored out of my mind and searching for something to fill the gap.

Due to Orn's massive sugar addiction, I've been wanting to make candy wrappers which I could use as book art. I lucked out and found a photoshop tutorial that isn't that hard for me to follow on my cheaper version.

The first one I made is still a little crude, but it gets the idea.

I decided to try my hand at making a round candy and thought this one came out much better.

Who wouldn't want to eat a planet sour ball?

The trick is to add a lot more shadows and highlights than I risked the first time. You have my permission to burn things.

So go out there and make awesome candy wrappers! You know, if you're also between projects and need something to do.

Not The Joker We Want, But The Joker We Deserve

On Friday, David Ayer (director of the upcoming Suicide Squad) released our first look at Jared Leto in full Joker makeup for the Suicide Squad movie.

 Feels like DC is trying to tell us all something with this reinvention of a character we will never ever get sick and tired of. They should put Joker in all their planned movies: Batman vs Superman, Batman vs Robin, Batman vs The CW Batman, Batman vs Irrelevance, Wonder Woman, Cyborg, Shazam, B’wana Beast, Plastic Man — who’s not Reed Richards, stop saying that! In fact, why not put Lex Luthor in the Suicide Squad movie as well? He’s been seriously lacking in your movies, DC.

Previously blogged on Nerdy But Flirty

iZombie: Virtual Reality Bites

This episode was the perfect storm of everything I’ve come to love about iZombie. If you’re still on the fence about watching it, or are trying to convince someone to give it a try, use this one.

To the recap!

In a classic fakeout move, we get a “last seen on” clip of Major getting his ass whomped by a zombie who looks like he wants to ask George about some rabbits. This episode opens with a shirtless Major laying on the dead body table, with Ravi looking over him.

Luckily, they waste little time admitting that no, the Ken Doll’s not dead (plastic can take a beating, but don’t hold it next to the heater) and Ravi attempts to stitch him up. Liv walks in, pointing out how terrible Ravi’s technique is and that it’d leave Major looking like Frankenstein. (‘Frankenstein was really the monster’ – got to say that to keep any pedantic ghosts from popping up)

Ravi responds:

“The man’s too good looking, I’m just giving him character.”

Read More Here

Excited: Talking Elcor Plush

Eager: Last week Bioware announced the best toy no Mass Effect fan can be without; a talking Elcor plush.

Sarcasm: Who wouldn’t want one?

Happy: I had to order one to hang out with my baby Grunt.

Proudly: You can hear all five of the Elcor’s sayings in the video by visiting here.

Win a Book Cover or Book Trailer!

Writers, authors, novelists, self publishers scraping to get by, for the first time I'm offering a great opportunity for you.

One Free Book Cover or Book Trailer!

It can be just an e-book, or the full front, spine, and back of a paperback. Here are a few examples of the ones I've designed over the years for myself and others:

              

 Or, if you already have a book cover you adore, you could enter to win a book trailer instead.

I'll also photoshop up any book images needed for the trailer, like this:

These aren't pre-made, ready to go book covers or book trailers. I'll work with you to make something amazing and new.

Just enter the giveaway below:

 a Rafflecopter giveaway

Finished!

I just dotted the last t and crossed the last i on my newest Dwarves in Space novella.

At 59K words, it fell a bit shy of my 60K anticipation.

Long story short it's a prequel set two years before the events of the first Dwarves in Space. Drake Bane began as a one night stand that's fast becoming a pain in the ass when he talks Variel into getting him to a museum. He planned to steal an old relic of some forgotten alien race, but things go way off script when the relic decides to steal Variel instead.

On the run from the dwarven antiquities board, Variel has to figure out how to get the relic off her hand, how to keep her ship safe from the corps, and how to get rid of the one night stand that forgot to leave.

iZombie: Flight of the Living Dead

Is this creepy? I’m trying really hard to not seem creepy.

This week’s episode opens on a plane as a bunch of high-risk junkies get blitzed before doing something stupid and testing the validity of the theory of gravity. I’m not sure if we were supposed to be cheering for the ground to win this fight, but I was. The scene jump cuts to a skydiver impaled through a tree, her chute dangling limply to the side.

Liv and Ravi are on scene having a delightful conversation about nibbling brains on kebabs while a horde of police officers stand a couple dozen feet away. Either cops are so jaded that the idea of two morgue docs talking about eating brains from the fresh corpse doesn’t phase them, or they’re all planning on having a nosh later (Foreshadowing!).

Mid gallows humor, Liv gets a call from a pretty but plotless girl. It turns out that the satay-ed skydiver corpse used to be in Liv’s sorority. This is the first time the case of the week is tied to the main character but sadly, it’s not a very exciting one. Despite Liv getting all, “I have to eat this brain because of finding the real killer and getting vengeance!” Holly (our ex-adrenaline junkie) seemed more like a Facebook friend at best. Later, at her wake/memorial service, aside from Liv’s ex-fiance (who must show up anywhere he’s invited, kinda like a polite vampire) and her roommate, no one seemed to have a clue that Liv knew Holly.

Read More Here

iZombie

Despite eight skeletons living in my basement with a seven foot reaper, I am not a zombie fan. I’ve never watched The Walking Dead, the first time I saw Dawn of the Dead was with the Rifftrax guys. And yet, I’m really digging iZombie.

If you missed the promos, the premise is easy enough. A girl turns into a zombie and discovers after eating brains she can see memories of the original owner. Naturally, she uses this skill to solve crime. (There must be an archaic law on the books: “Whosoever discovers supernatural powers within themselves shall useth it to befriend a suspicious copper badged man and have hijinks ensue. Also, you can’t bathe ducks on Sunday.)

Read the rest here

Happy Launch Day

Today is the day. April 8th! All the pre-orders were bundled off to their owners and now, you too can buy Dwarves in Space and read it right this very second.

If you need any more convincing or to visit the wacky world, you can type dwarvesinspace.com into that little ol' browser and see it.

Or you can click this link here. That might be easier.

Dwarves in Space!

Surprise!

So, April caught me a bit by surprise. I already knew Dwarves in Space would drop on the 8th. I've been watching that calendar like a fifth tier Batmam villain.

To tie in with all that promo stuff, a few weeks back I asked if I could do a guest post at Nerdy but Flirty (which I would have mentioned if I weren't trapped under the worst migraine I've ever suffered. My google searches from that day are: "head replacement" "do it yourself brain surgery" "play-doh as brain substitute").

The editor offered me a chance to write regularly for the site and I thought, what the hell. I'm full of rants and goofy stuff.

Consider this the official announcement that I'll be blogging on Nerdy by Flirty.

Because that isn't enough, it's April and I'm once again plugging away at CampNaNo. I'd thought about finishing Spanish Fog (which you can read the parts I have done here), but that's a very draining book that requires all my cylinders. Instead, I'm doing a prequel to Dwarves in Space. It's set two years before the first one and involves disturbances in the galaxy, a mysterious rogue who sneaks his way onto the ship, and fire monsters.

Oh, and I've agreed to write for my first ever game. It would take forever to explain so I'll just say Nugmance and leave it at that.

And that's why you won't hear a word from me for a month.

Toodles!