The art of TP

My invitations came in over the weekend and as I picked through the numerous boxes (who knew pieces of paper could weigh so much) and checked it to make sure all the names were spelled right. (So far so good, we're hoping it doesn't suddenly change over night).

As I was digging through the boxes I found two packs of something white and sort of soft. That's when I realized that it's tissue paper. Really, tissue paper?

Our invites are pretty simple, just a nice printing on some cardstock. I don't think we have to worry about the text all vanishing (unless the gremlins who hide in mail boxes pop up again). It doesn't help that the invites are rather long while the tissue paper is about one sheet TP size.

Since there's no way it could actually be used in assembling my invites, I've set out to figure out just what I am supposed to do with the tissue paper.

My MOH's first suggestions was I had to cover myself in it before starting to fill out invites. It does make some sense, being left handed I do have a habit of covering myself in ink, marker, glue, and spray paint.

I realized that that wouldn't really work as I usually just rely on Magic Eraser from Mr. Clean, so then I wondered about using it as a craft project for all the kids that will be running around. But I have a funny feeling all the dipping into paint will only lead to green and blue children covered in glitter. Though they will probably be really excited about it.

I could give everyone a really tiny gift covered in the tissue paper, but all I can think of that would fit is some gravel. (It would be an interesting twist on the ol giving people a sapling to plant, instead they can start their own rock quarry).

For now, I think the tissue paper is just going to sit in the box waiting and plotting. Is anyone else not sure what to do with any TP they receive?

Domesticality

It's warming up so I am getting really excited to get out there and grill up some steaks. I've always had an amazing way around meat (fifth grader giggles now) so I get to do most of the meat prep while my fiance does a lot of the salad making. He also really loves making breads.

But due to the fact that he really loves food (he's a food scientist) he isn't allowed to make the quicker week meals, instead his day long, pot using extravaganzas are left more for the weekend.

I have come to really love a magazine put out by Kraft's Food. It's got some good recipe's (and yes you can substitute all of the Kraft products for store brand and it won't explode). They include around 40 or so recipes that are usually around 30-45 minutes and actually taste good. My guy has fallen madly in love with a shepherds pie that is super quick to make (It helps when I add beer to it, though that seems to work for any dish).

You get about four every year (one for each season), but I've used it more than my Betty Crocker cookbook. If you want to sign up to receive the magazine, here's a link. If you don't want to, here's a link to a circus.

If looking for a much more entertaining approach to cooking, there is my favorite Lancre Witch's "Nanny Ogg's Cookbook." There's even a section about weddings (there is always one fight at a wedding so it's best to just get it over with as soon as possible).

And if you need more help in the "Joye of Snacks" department there is Bananana Soup Surprise.

It's Shipping?!

So after a few different messages back and forth to our Invitations provider (e-proofs are a wonderful thing) I just got the e-mail that our invitations are shipping.

These would make some interesting invitations

Apparently according to the UPS stalker website they'll be here tomorrow. I don't know if I should be really excited, really freaked out, or really hungry (I've become a huge fan of a Blue Bunny Toffee Temptation ice cream). I still need to sit down and make our reception cards (as well as actually put in ink and offer our first born child to our reception site). Put that along with the cheap RSVP cards I already got and then weigh them.

If they don't come in under the 42 cents mark I'll have to set them up on a series of crash diets, have them lose all their self image and then pay the extra anyway. People just need to accept invitations regardless of their size.

It's kinda scary, another step in reminding me that in less than 6 months I'll have to be the center of attention. I'm doing my best to share the attention, but it doesn't really seem to be taking. My best friend is making it really difficult what with her not willing to wear a veil and tiara, or even a giant bullseye.

Wish me and my guy luck as we attempt to put together the invitations, realize we can't find a pen, then give up and go play some tennis.

I don't care

I realize that as a bride I am expected to micromanage every tiny little detail of this crazy turbulent roller coaster ride known as a wedding. But when meeting with our "Music coordinator player" (better known as my flower girls brother) all we told him was that we wanted Vivaldi's Autumn played at some point as we're getting married in October. (Get it, autumn--fall, ha ha ha)

Otherwise I don't give a flip what the bridal party walks down the aisle to, what I'm supposed to, what plays while we light a candle on fire, and what everyone listens to while the monkey brings around beverages.

My fiancee and I just never really cared one way or the other what music is playing (of course he's Catholic so the idea of music before church is so foreign to him he almost breaks out in hives) so we put our trust in our friend who we knew could come up with something different and also something he can play exceptionally well.

There's talk that I'll either be walking down the aisle to the Darth Vader theme or the Darth Maul one. Honestly I didn't even know he had one. Either way, it'll make for a very interesting day of surprises.

And I can just imagine the time I managed to stave off my death thanks to me not obsessing about what music should play to tell the guests that we're now switching from seating to standing. Ah the joys of outsourcing.

Tune in or else

As we get closer to May and that long pimped wedding month June the TV networks start to pull out their wedding fare.

First up is the food network with a week long wedding extravaganza starting next week. Really, a surprise engagement cake challenge? What does that even mean? Does the guy have to pop out of it? I am personally hoping Bobby Flay has to do a throwdown where he must plan an entire wedding in an hour.

Though watching the food network hype isn't so bad as about 70-80% is about the food as opposed to being about the cost of the crystal centerpieces.

TLC has had the Wedding Story around for years. It's a weird sort of mish mash of "How we Met" followed by "How much our Parents spent on this thing."

For the more Bridezilla look at people going batshit crazy while dress shopping there's Say Yes to the Dress. It just makes me feel sorry for the poor women that have to drag out dress after dress for brides to try on, especially when they are just there for the "experience." (I profusely thanked the woman who helped me and my friends at the shop where I bought a dress as my Mom and MOH went a bit crazy picking out dresses to make me try on. I think they were just out to drive me insane.)

Then on We if you really want to watch women who have clearly lost their minds and bought into the "Best Day of my Life," there's Bridezillas. I've only seen a handful of the screaming fests while visiting with friends but it does make you wonder why some of the grooms didn't pull a runner. (And if for some reason you want to put your self through the editing hell, you can apply here.)

Looking through their schedule of shows it looks like WE is really the wedding network. So there's one about Platinum Weddings (I wonder how people can stand wearing clothes made out of platinum), Rich Bride Poor Bride (I assume it has nothing to do with that crappy Kirstie Alley/ Tim Allen Amish farce), My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding (Nia Vardalos must be stopped.)

But the worst one by far seems to be something called Bulging Brides. Seriously, you don't have enough ways to make women feel like crap that they don't have millions of dollars to spend on "The best day of their lives?" You have to make them feel even worse because they aren't a perfect size 4 (or is it 2? Don't tell me it's 0 now).

It's enough to make me boycott TV (Or at least all the women networks and indulge in hours of Spike TV's Bond marathons) but I'm really hoping for that Flay humiliation. Oh and I don't think I could give up Ace of Cakes even if you threatened me with a marathon of Bridezilla episodes.