I won! I won? But I never win anything.

That's right thanks to my witty ways (stop laughing)I have actually won something though it is not wedding related in practically anyway.

A week back or so there was a post at the Rifftrax blog by one Bill Corbett where he posted this picture and asked us to make up a comment:
For some reason I've had "Death be not proud" in my head and this came out:

"Salad? (the lost poem by John Donne)

Salad be not proud, though some have called thee
Healthy and tasty, for, though art not so

For those, who live off thy tasteless lettuce

Come to lust in their dream for a piece of flesh."

So now I get to pick my own little rifftrax for free. This is a great wedding present.

The passing of the roast

My small group of college friends and I have a strange tradition.

Whenever someone gets married we give them a pot roast.

It was entertaining the first time one of us got hitched as we didn't have anyway to really keep it frozen so we stuck the meat in a shoebox filled with hotel ice then wrapped in a towel (but we had to get the towel back).

I'm sure you're all wondering where this tradition started (as well as all of my old roomie's family who got to watch the ice/shoe box debacle). Well we don't have a good story at all and it's pretty much my fault.

We were a bit naughty in college and loved to pick on each other (the number of times I had my towel stolen or had cold water dumped on me can only be matched by how often we'd steal each others whiteboard markers). We had a rather, um, we'll call it weird picture that got passed back and forth from room to room (I know where it is now hidden forever, back of picture frames are good for something).

In taping this first picture on the ceiling above my best friends bed my roomie and I got to talking about weddings. More specifically the wedding of the photo's character and a close friend of his and I just blurted out "Well if they do get married then I'll send them a pot roast."

Pause.

Pause.

Pause.

"Did you just say pot roast?"

"Uh yeah"

"I thought you were gonna say postcard."

"No, I said pot roast."

"Okay, why?"

Well I have no idea why. I still have no idea why, and I rather doubt I'll ever know why. But in my circle of friends it was the funniest thing ever (you probably had to be there) so now as each of us get married off we know that among all the towels, sheets, and place settings we're sure to receive a good hunk of meat.

The funniest thing of all? I don't really like pot roast.

Wedding bands with bark

Need wedding bands?

Love trees?

Check this out:

Or if you want more of the wood look, here's another option

Day from hell

You know those days where one thing goes wrong then another leading to a domino effect that causes you to whimper in the corner hoping that the world will just leave you alone for 24 hours and jumping at any noise for fear that even more shit is gonna get dumped in your lap.

I had that kinda day yesterday.

It didn't start out as such a bad day, aside from the fact that it's been cold and rainy for the past three days (a rare thing here, sure to drive any Nebraskan bonkers), I got some free pizza and won a polar bear from Promega. Even the EHS tour of the lab was no big deal.

But then I went home and suddenly found a little orange sticker on my car's window claiming that the thing was "inoperable." Well I figured they just suddenly got a stick up their butt cause my car is not a pretty little sporty thing so I'd just jump in and move it.

And the battery's dead.

I can tell right away because my car seems to eat them for breakfast and if there's one thing I know about cars it's when the battery takes a crap.

Rather than fight with it we made some dinner (it's a wonder I didn't burn the shit out of myself, honestly) and figure out what to do after.

But first I had to make the rice krispie bun for the hot dog (I have certain parts of the cake devoted to different days and going off the schedule is a sure sign of madness at this point). In going for the corn syrup I caught my hand on the shelf scraping it open.

Swearing a bit I got down to the krispies. Following the recipe on the box of our store brand "Rice Puffs" in the middle of pouring it into the pan I realized that we didn't have enough and had to quickly make an extra batch to fill it.

And then just as I was gonna start a new pot the nose piece on my glasses broke and fell off.

I finally lost it. I'd had enough of bad things going wrong so I just curled up on the floor crying, swearing, and just railing against the world. I couldn't believe just how much the world seemed out to get me and beat me to a bloody pulp.

After getting it all out, I glued and fixed my nose piece, my guy filled in the rice krispie bun, and we got the car jumped enough to move it and we'll just wait til Friday for my father (a mechanic) to help change the battery (sitting down eating cookie dough and watching the RiffTrax of Iron Man helped a lot too)

So if you do see a woman who may have a wedding looming on the horizon (even if it is just 3 days away) don't always assume she's stressed because of that. Life doesn't stop for a wedding, nor do evil gypsy curses trying to give you the day from hell.

Groom: Research

This weekend was an interesting experience in wedding stress study.

Oh no, not for me. For my guy.

That's right, the groom instead of being super laid back and only thinking about getting blitzed or having cold feet is actually stressed about the wedding.

It started Saturday as he was in the middle of killing I think it was a bear that was eating sheep (yeah don't ask). He sat there getting more and more in a funk as dark clouds gathered around his head.

Upon asking why he was in such a mood and digging around a bit I discerned that it's because he felt he didn't know what was done and what wasn't so he had no idea that just about everything is ready to go (despite me telling him over and over that we're fine. I may need to invest in some cue cards for him to read. Maybe that will sink in better).

He was liberally medicated with a Rum 'n' Coke and after a few hours of baking cookies his spirits appear to have been lifted (must look into this as possibly cure for the wedding blues).

But alas the next day his symptoms took a weird turn. For as he returned to his melancholy state a call from his groomsman and parents caused him to gain the energy of 10 toddlers at a candy factory. I'd never heard a man talk so fast in my life.

Fearing that this may be contagious I hid in the bathroom til he came off his weird energy high. While he was still buzzing I put him in charge of checking out stuff to do for our honeymoon. So he came up with some places to go, orchards to see, wines to drink.

Amazingly ever since then he's been pretty calm and his usual self.

So if your groom is about ready to pull his hair out as the wedding gets close I'd say try to give him some little task that you've been meaning to do but you know he can handle (I'd think it'd work a lot better than this kit).

Or have a liquor cabinet full of his poison of choice on hand.