Ride Horseman!

Being big into the ol' holiday of death I often get asked "So, what are you going as for Halloween? I bet it'll be really awesome."

"Er, uh" I stutter out then I throw a bag of glitter at them and run but boy is glitter restocking starting to get pricey.

There seem to be two kinds of Halloween people, either you're the extrovert who loves the elaborate costumes half of the year spent researching and cobbling together so you can strut your stuff at a party or you're an introvert spending 6 months on a half chewed skeleton corpse inside of a whale to freak out the neighbors and probably make sure no one makes it to your door for candy.

My husband and I are firmly in the latter category.

I have a few go to costumes if I feel I need to wear something but for the most part I like my props to stand out while I blend into the background.

However, in the case of our puppy who would die happy meeting people we get her something rather adorable.

This weekend we snagged Essie's costume (after hours of research):

But you really have to see it in action:


It's almost like the Headless Horseman is glued in his seat. Oh wait . . .

Need some Help

I've written another story, not for any tiny swords or to win something funny and entertaining. This was done simply because I had an idea in my head and I need your help.

I have no idea what in the world to call this thing. The best I got it "Spooky Eerie thing that's reminiscent of Twilight Zone."

Whatcha think?

After the Jump

A Trip Down Diptych Lane

But first here to warm up the crowd the happening guy this side of Arlington, the End all Be All, the Harvester from Under.

Put your hands together for the Grim Reaper!

For the next half hour he's going to stand there and grin at you. Enjoy.

Op, looks like another soul has to be claimed and our friend must leave. Another round of applause for Mr. Reaper.

Now onto our main piece, allow me to give you that most rare of paintings - the diptych.

Shh, it's a tad shy so no flash photography for loud noises.

Come on out now:

Okay, now do your trick.

Come on, boy. Do the trick. You know how. Come on. Yes yes yes.

The Diptych everyone!

Tune in next week when we get a piece of colored paper to fold itself up into a swan.

Norse Idol

There are a few of my past times that I am rather ashamed to share. Nothing too disturbing involving whips, chains and a couple of llamas. More of the so incredibly uncool it's approaching the absolute zero of pathetic.

One of these is watching and ragging on QVC, specifically the Christmas gift shows.

I know, I'm a terrible person picking on those people just trying to peddle their reverse santa blanket that looks like someone skinned santa and parades around in his pelt or the 10,000 stupid little RC car that the kid will get bored with before the next present is opened.

 Usually I get a good dose of schadenfreude and a belly ache from the giggle and that's it, but this last time I got hit by a touch of inspiration.

It was while they were showing off their "Get him to AA" Santa and my husband and I kept making Bacchus jokes I thought, you know who else Santa kinda looks like, Odin.

He's got the big white beard, the warm furs. Just give him a bit more malevolent stare, a few props and boom.

And we just so happened to have a more rustic Santa we got super cheap last year at one of those "Please dear lord take the last of our Christmas Crap sales."

I give you my own personal Odin:

They're a little hard to make out but two ravens sit perched on his shoulders informing him about what they spotted in the world around him. His one eye is clouded over to allude to the one he lost in order to gain wisdom.

His spear I debarked, stained, and carved from a stick I found out in the yard.

And here's a close up of the head of Mimir he's holding:

He turned out more Rasputin than Norse decapitated head guy but alas I didn't have any good blonde hair around.

About the only thing that I didn't include was the 8 legged horse but frankly no one wants to see that. It'd look like an octopus was getting it on with a donkey.

So thank you QVC, your clearly tweaked out hosts and clutter provided me with a wacky idea and killed a weekend.

Troll Seeking Missile

Over the weekend I got to hone my troll fighting skills as I got into an internet battle on my DeviantArt page over this pendent:

Douchebag: Wtf is this Twilight wannabe shit

Me: You know apples were around long before twilight. In fact they were even mentioned in the bible. Maybe you should try reading a book trollboy.

Douchebag: I’ve actually gone ahead and given it a lot of thought, but I’m afraid I’m gonna very politely have to tell you to shove it down you ass and be ashamed for reading twilight.
/wut

Me: What was it they say about assumptions?

...Oh right, they make you look a complete moron.

I have never, nor shall I ever read twilight. This is an allusion (you may have to look that word up) to both Adam & Eve and the apple and the classic Snow White poisoned apple.

Did any poisoned apples show up in Twilight? Are there any evil witches? I frankly have no idea nor so I plan to as I have never read it and only seen the movie once with Rifftrax (you might want to look that up to, you could learn something about being funny).

Enjoy being an ass, ass.

I'm rather sad that he never came back, I was all ready to throw a Macbeth quote at him. Something along the lines of "All you are spinning is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing."

Oh well, there's always next time.

P.S. I just noticed that someone flagged his comments as spam, no idea who. I frankly didn't care enough to go to the trouble. I had far more fun giving him a word lashing.