A Garden Planet

I am no decorator.

I am no dictator either....yet.

But there's a trend this year in fancying up gardens that I find intriguing. In between talking mushrooms, amphibians forced to hold chive signs, and shattered glass stands for birds to crap all over, small stakeable planets are a big thing.

Most are far too...how to put this delicately...ugly and overwrought for me.

So imagine my surprise that it was Target, the lynchpin in the overwrought and trying too hard to out fancy other middle class ladder climbers would have the most understated and perfect planets for my little zucchini infested solar system.

But the real fun is at night.

They're solar powered because I don't have the attention span to remember to turn my little planets on every night, or ever really.

They also had a crackled LED changing one, but I hate LED color change anything. In my day lights stayed one color AND WE LIKED IT THAT WAY!

They're about $13 each, and a surprisingly hefty sized glass ball. So if you want to start your own little garden solar system they're at Target next to the freaky wire skeleton peacocks that no one ever buys.

Tentacle Bookmark & Free Book

I had a crazy, wacky, possibly dangerous idea to make a clay bookmark that's a bit more three dimensional than usual.

I wanted to have something poking out of the top of the book, so tentacles. Super tiny tentacles with super tiny suckers, that in no way drove me super tiny mad.

The bass relief (crazy overworked fish) of the tentacles was a bit easier. Again more suckers but rolled up flattened bits of clay isn't so hard, and I had lots of fun gouging to make the waves. Gouge Gouge Gouge!

I have some crazy idea to make a Tardis bookmark next so look for that any other Whovians out there.

Oh and the free book.

For a week my first book Tin Hero is totally free from Smashwords. You can download any version you'd like: Kindle, Nook, PDF, RTF, HMO, PCP, POE, OPE, must stop commies from poisoning our drinking water...

So there ya go, a wacky bookmark and a free book. Have at it.

Mass Effect Scarf

When it comes to matters of the yarn, I am as bumbling as the turnip truck that just fell off itself. All manner of yarn, thread, textiles is left up to the other side of my partnership.

 I asked my husband how he doesn't get tangled in a web of yarn while knitting. He says "I'm the spider."

 But the scarf you're looking for. It started simple enough, with winter in its panging death throes I asked doe eyed if he could stitch together that red and white stripe that's Shepard's emblem in the fight against the Reapers. And if he wanted to try a crack at the N7, go for it.

A couple of weeks later, this is what he made.

And here to model said N7 scarf is the most photogenic member of our household:

This is a face that says "I'm getting a treat after this humiliation."

The King's Blood

My book, all 700 pages of it, has gone into that silent unbreakable stasis that is beta reading, which means I'm probably not supposed to be reading it myself. But I never listen to myself, I see no reason to start now.

This is during a rather rousing party where our heroes find themselves having to perform in front of the enemy.

Cthulhu Cake Topper

It is dangerous to friend a crafter, doubly so if they have access to a heat gun.

Way back in October, when I was wide eyed and dewy about this book idea I had, I threw out an idea to a couple of my internet friends that I'd make them a cake topper for their coming wedding. I'd try to do whatever they wanted.

And they came back with a pair of Chtulhus. Okay, okay, all nice, I'll get to it sometime in January once I've got this writing thing done. Yeah... (I will finish this book, I swear! Put down the poison tipped quills!)

I started with the basic boring shape of some clay rolled and kneeded into a blobby shape approaching humanoid. I wanted something kind of cute but not that cute. You know that really rotund polymer clay look? Yeah, I wanted to avoid that like a soul eating elder god.

It was about then when I realized that Cthulhu with his oversized bulbous head was a bit like trying to hold a baby. Every time I smoothed out an arm or stuck on a leg, I had to support his neck or the head would go rolling across the floor.

Defining shape is nauseatingly detailed work that is very necessary or you get blobby polymer clay look, but also may make a person scream in rage and throw a dental pick against the wall. Once again I left the hands and feet for later because I hate making hands. Damn fingers, why do we need five of them anyway?

If you're wondering why a box of deck protectors is sitting behind them, first off NEEEERRRDD! and second, it was because Ms. Cthulhu decided she no longer wished to keep her head secured safely upon her neck. Instead it tumbled about, crumpling up some of her face tentacles and making such a mess.

But onward, they still need their wings and eyes (I always leave eyes for last. I did it with all my adipose ornaments as well. This probably says a lot of Freudian things about me) and adorable little bows because bows are cool.

I specifically chose to make tiny wings to both up the adorable factor and because anything too large was guaranteed to get shredded during shipping. I only loss two wings and again that damn Ms. Cthulhu head in baking. But that's what superglue is for. Slap some extra clay over the cracks and good as new.

So of course this just leaves painting, again I wanted to go not that fancy. No dark shades and lumpy skin. Just some shading on the tentacles and small bit of muscle tone I gave them.

I hope the couple likes it, and that no ones head has to go rolling across the floor EVER AGAIN!