A lot of commenter's tossed around how compromise is important in marriage and can be really hard but totally worth it. I tried really hard to think of all those slightly annoying things I do that get on my hubbys nerves so I could commiserate.
Like say when I put on . . . no, he doesn't really care.
Or when I dye my hair . . . no, he has almost no sense of smell and barely notices.
I know, it's when I bake brownies. Okay I'm obviously making stuff up. What sane man would hate brownies?
The fact is, we've barely compromised on anything. Everything just sort of fell into place after a month of living together. It's not like we didn't spend any time living on our own either, and both have our own little quirks but when it comes to those old stereotype standbys we're quite boring.
Control of the remote is a non issue. Not because we watch the same stuff (which is just Netflix movies anymore), though we do, but because the remote sensor on the TV burned out a long time ago so if you want to turn the channel, change the volume, or anything like that you have to get up and physically do it yourself.In fact it's been about a year since it broke and I don't know if we'd use a remote if we had one that worked. It is kinda nice though, no one can blame anyone for losing the remote. (And if we ever did lose our "remote" we'd be in a lot of trouble as someone is missing a finger or two).
Cleaning we just kinda fell into as well. When I was between jobs I was willing to take on a lot of it (okay all of it) during the day mostly to keep myself sane. But once I started this cell chasing PCR making madness we cut a sort of deal. He gets to clean the kitchen including throwing out disgusting old food in the fridge (something I can't stomach) and take out the garbage.
I called the living room, bathroom and bedroom. Seems a bit unbalanced I know, but remember I like cleaning and really the kitchen is easily the messiest room in our apartment due to our rather animated approach to dinner (Who knew you could get pumpkin soup on the ceiling?).
My husband's even gotten quite well associated with the dishwasher. You'd think in this day and age just about anyone would be more than happy to use one to clean their dishes and have no idea it was done any other way, but it was actually a slight uphill battle. Growing up his parents didn't use the dishwasher to clean their pots and pans, instead it held chips and other carbohydrate goodness snacks and they'd wash each dish by hand. It sure was interesting the first time I visited seeing his sister head to the dishwasher to pull out a new type of cracker we just had to try. Though if you do ever want to mess with someones mind just try that little trick. I'm sure they'll run screaming from your house, especially after they discover you hid the TV in the freezer and the toilet on the roof.
And while no couple could stand each others company 24/7 we also have our own little refuge in the form of two computers on two different computer desks at different ends of the living room. It's funny, even though I'm never looking at anything bad (well there are a few trips to cakewrecks) I don't really like it if he happens to look over my shoulder and see what I'm up to.
I know he feels the same way, getting a touch defensive if I ask what's so funny (that man is a web comic-aholic. Seriously if there's a web comic out there you like he's probably read it, or if he hasn't I'm sure he'd love to). So we divide our time up working together and spending it alone.
Maybe it's an introvert thing, but I think time apart is just as important as time together. I know after spending an 8 hour car ride with him the last thing I'd want to do is have a solitary picnic and then cuddle up on the couch to talk.
Give me my internet and endless blog list to catch up on to recharge my people batteries. Thank God he feels the same.
Everyone talks about how the first year living together is the hardest but we passed it last August and really nothing much has changed. Somehow it almost feels too easy, like we're just waiting for something evil to spring out and yell "Gotcha!"
Was it easy to find common ground when first moving in with your SO or did you butt heads like crazy? Do you have your special little things you look forward to doing once your other one isn't around? Can you believe I've got all these super wordy articles pouring out of me? Would anyone like some banana bread?
And how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop?
8 comments:
we are both still working on the cleaning thing... it' s a touch one ... lol! :)
RelentlessBride
The hubs and I both grew up in households where the dishwasher was never used. I still don't get it. A dishwasher is the number one thing I want in our next home.
We also like to be together but be able to do our own things, which kind of reminds me of Best in Show..."We could talk or not talk for hours." Hahaha!
haha.. i know the post you speak of. Although the hubby dislikes many of my fashion choices if they are anything other than, i guess you could say, "classic" or "casual," I feel the same as you about the living together thing. We have had absolutely no issue living together. We know each other so frickin well already. And we already basically knew each other's habits long ago. I guess it's because we spent soooo much time together and often stayed together before we officially moved in together in May. And we've been together over 5 years. I always feel like a disappointment when people ask "How's married life?" and all I can say is "the same." It's the same in an amazingly different way. But the difference is all in the lovey-dovey feeling I get from knowing we have the same last name, he's my husband, etc. Our lives are exactly the same, as is our relationship.
He has a cousin who got married in May. He always asks how married life is, then talks about how it's so strange at first, an adjustment etc, etc. We just kinda laugh politely, but we really just can't relate. It's not different for us!!
There are only two things that Stu does that drive me crazy
1. When he puts dishes in the sink with food still in them.
2. When he turns the spray bottles to the off position, instead of leaving it on spray.. cause then I always grab them and try to spray and just get spray leaking down on my hands. :-) (wow, sorry so long!)
We sort of fell into place. One reason I knew it work out. I don't hide things from (probably should) nor does he.
I do have a tendency to ask where he's going frequently. Watch Coupling. We can be very Susan and Steve!
I knew folks growing up with the dishwasher as storage. It's so weird. I prefer to use it as a dishwasher.
We fell into place, the transistion was smooth and 4 years later, still easy. We have the exact cleaning arrangement you do. One thing that I know helps us is I leave for work earlier, so he has his mornings to himself and I get home first, which gives me a good hour or so to watch tmz or access hollywood.
We're still working on who cleans what and when. There are a few things that annoy me and vice versa, but we've been living together for a whole year now and I've given up on changing him, haha.
He doesn't care what I wear or what I look like, really. :p
When people ask me how married life is, I never know how to reply. People look at me like I'm a freak when I answer, "It's alright." I mean, it's not any different from when we started living together before getting married.
Hmmm... well, we've been living together for 2 and a half years now. And while a lot has just come together for us, there are still things we're adjusting to/working out. Mostly because I'm anal, though.
I like the towels rolled. I can fit more towels into the place where they go by doing it that way. Yet he seems to still fold them... sloppily, I might add.
And then there are the dishes. He'll say "I'll do them" but really what he means is that he'll take them to the sink and put water in/on them. He's letting them soak.
Of course, there's me, who likes to talk during TV... which drives him crazy. And, I like to go to run errands together.
Don't get me wrong - I like my "me" time too. It's just that I get a lot of that with him on the road.
All the other stuff, I'm learning to just let go of. If it bothers me so much, then it's my problem. So I just either do it, or let it go. I think that's the hardest part for me, learning that we're not the same, and that things won't always get done my way. That is, until we have kids... ;-)
Honestly, I can barely remember! We've been living together nearly 5 years now. I know we used to fight back then, but I don't think it was about cleaning etc. most of the time. Sometimes it was... he used to nag me, actually, but he's learnt to shut up now :)
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