How NOT to do NaNoWriMo

It's November 2nd, which means I have decided to go for the three-peat of losing about 30 days in the much maligned month of November in an insane quest to cobble together 50,000 or so words.

Plenty of people have advice on how to defeat the multi-headed monster that is NaNo. As for me, what I know best is how not to do things.

#1. Do not gouge your finger on a wooden fence when trying to hang a skeleton.

While staring down the gun of a blank page, you already find your brain raging against putting those fingers to the keys. Throw in a blind searing pain every time you want to put down an A and suddenly skipping this year and taking up snake milking sounds like a much more preferable hobby.

And on that note:

#2. Do not be into Halloween!

While most of my writing friends are spending Halloween both gorging on teeny Snickers and  counting down to midnight with research clasped to their bosoms, I am either hanging said skeletons, watching over said skeletons, or later taking down said skeletons.

I have pretty much resigned myself that I will be skipping the first day of every single NaNo I take on because hunting every single store for things I can corrupt for next years Halloween display trumps hammering out 1,600 words every time.

#3. Do not have a dog

Or cat, or bird, or pet rock, or a rather clingy toaster. Anything that you cannot drop in front of a video game will not understand why and that free time you once had to play is now trapped within the bitter love story of a man whose princess was turned into an elephant by a rather confusing gypsy curse.

Instead they will beg, plead, and then sigh loudly for how often you now spend your time blissfully ignoring them.

#4. Do not have interests outside of writing.

Last year it was Skyrim. This year it started with Baldur's Gate, then the Mass Effect announcements, then the Lego LOTR. I was guaranteed to have a billion different things I'd much rather do than struggle through the plot disaster where the gypsy finds herself married to a luchador. Never mind anything at the movie theater, parties, or ever seeing my family again.

And on top of it all, I've stupidly gotten into making Christmas ornaments and losing all of November for the christmas rush means I ain't getting a damn thing out the door.

#5. Don't do it!

Seriously, run. Just run. Stop looking at your blank page. Stop opening, that word doc. Drop your laptop and run!