Friday, May 11, 2012

Fuck You Farmers

It's been almost two months since this happened:
When an asshole decided it'd be great fun to try to flee from the cop chasing him, flew off the road, hit a transformer, went through our fence then our shed then got stopped by our tree.

In that time Jack-all has changed.
 First our shitty shitty insurance at Farmers tried to dick us around by saying our flattened shed had depreciated so much that for the total destruction of that, the fence, and our tree's branch was only worth $400. Not that they were going to cut a check.

Then, a month and a half later (probably after the motorcyclist got out of his coma and on bail) Mr. Knievel's insurance company finally gets in contact with us.

Things finally seemed to start looking up from that late March morning when a motorcycle tried to fly and blanketed our backyard in shrapnel and tacky black plastic covered in Ed Hardy knockoff decals.

Any guesses where this is going?

Farmers, which should really change it's tagline to "We Know How To Fuck You Over," decided that our daring to take out two claims in three years was far too needy for their tastes and they needed some space from daring to give back to us a tiny percentage of the money we give them every month.

Yes, they fucking dropped us for taking out a claim for a motorcyclist driving through OUR BACKYARD!

And a claim for which they were going to fork us over 0 dollars and 0 cents. Because we dared to put in a claim because how were we to know that the kind of guy who would flee from the cops and drive a motorcycle into a building would have full coverage?

Apparently we forced them to actually get off their widening cheap suited asses more than once a decade so we're not worth insuring.

And that other claim? 

That was all the way back in 2010, on my birthday no less, when the wind (God, mayhem, whatever the fuck you want to call it) knocked down our fence.

And like the foolish, wide eyed new homeowners we were we actually dared to think that the high winds crashing our neighbors pear tree branch into our fence would be covered by our insurance and filed a claim.

Just how much were they willing to shill out for that act of vengeful Marvel Superhero? $700.

So, after taking our money for three years they fucking dropped us for daring to file two claims that cost them less than one thousand dollars.

Let me say that again, Farmers Insurance will kick you out for daring to take less than one thousand dollars from their stockholders.

 That's how little they give a shit about their clients, all those people they like to claim they're there to work for. You dare to flag down their attention more than once and they will fuck you over for the rest of your life.

Whatever you do, run from Farmers. I'm telling that Farmers Insurance want's nothing more than to screw you over while the stockholders watch and drool onto a giant pile of money.

Get out while you can before they can drop you for a little more than the cost of an iPad and screw over your chances for insurance for the rest of your life.

Fuck Farmers, and their lazy fucking asses.

They are Farmers, and they will fuck you over. Bah bum bum bum bum bum.


Princess Christy said...

Oh my word. I can't believe any company would put a customer through this. I hope you file a claim with the BBB as well - it might impact them more where it hurts.

T. Z. Wallace said...

Insurance companies, in general, are asses. I am sorry you have had to deal with this. However, be forewarned and also STAY AWAY FROM STATE FARM!!! We filed a claim on our roof, which was damaged due to an ice storm. MANY roofing companies informed us of this. State Farm disagreed and said it was because the singles were 14 years old. Because of the roof damage, the roof leaked and caused damage in the girls room. They processed this as a second claim. Decided the damage was less than our deductible and paid nothing on that either. They also advised us that, what with those TWO claims (resulting in ZERO PAID OUT BY STATE FARM), we were considered high risk and could anticipate being dropped should another claim be filed. WTF? So if anyone knows of any good and NOT-ASS-ish insurance companies, please let me know.

T. Z. Wallace said...

Also, have you contacted the Insurance Commission?