Friday, February 5, 2016

Feminine Wiles is Not a Superpower

Because the hype machine for a movie begins before anyone even starts filming, we get quotes and tidbits from the stars of Batman vs Superman: Dawn of a Franchise every other day until the earth is swallowed into the sea.

The latest comes courtesy of Gal Godot the actress who's inhabiting the body of Wonder Woman and may or may not be voicing her (We've never seen her talk in a single one of the 5,000 trailers, even for her own movie).

If I may quote Gal Godot regarding Wonder Woman, she says in Movieweb:

"Her sexuality is part of her power, but she is also a feminist icon."


Are you fucking kidding me? I know, I shouldn't be surprised right. This is Zach Snyder universe, the beloved creator of Sucker Punch. Of course those ladies are only good for what's between their legs. As long as we gussy it up as feminism and empowering no one will notice all we know what to do is oggle them.

But Marvel's so much better, uh...
It's okay though because see first Widow's all helpless and whimpering and tied up but then she goes super kick ass feminist lady and beats up the guys. It's totally hot, I mean empowering! It's empowering to watch that. Right ladies? Oh who cares what the ladies think, this is all for the men!

And e come to the issue with "Strong Female Character" being a marketing buzzword without anyone having a clue what it means or how to show it. It's like nonplussed. Does it mean surprised or unsurprised? No one will know until they open the box and kill the cat!

Black Widow's main job in the Marvel U so far has been to be Tony's secretary (lady job check), be the sweet one who brings in the Hulk (Only ladies be all compassionate and shit), feel bad for Barton so we know he deserves to be rescued from Loki (double compassion), cry at Loki (need it be said that's a lady thing?), feel bad for not having kids (all ladies dream of being Mommies!) and be a love interest for every possible character they could cram in leading to Renner shoving his foot deep into his mouth. About the only time she was really helpful to the plot was Cap 2 where she just made out with him like once. That hardly counts.

Could you imagine if Steve Rogers tried to seduce his way through Hydra? Or if the Hulk simpered and whined for information before smashing someone? Of course not! Because they're men and men aren't dictated by their sexuality. Men take. Women give. Even their slutty Tony Stark comes off as using women for sex, he never tries to snuggle up to them for anything they have.

The ones doing all the writing for these Strong Female Sexy Sexy Characters are, of course, men. To them women are a collective of fun parts that occasional bump together that forms a thought on accident. But unless there's a man around to hear it, that lady didn't really say anything useful. She's supposed to look pretty all the time even in a warzone and play the cute, useless one until BAM the plot calls for her to beat up a warehouse full of men. Don't worry though guys, once the hero's on the scene she'll be back to simpering and useless in low cut tops.

But Natasha's a spy, and spies are supposed to be all sexy and shit to get information. Okay, fine. It would be one thing if Natasha was a one of, but that is the only damn play men know how to write for women. She's strong and sassy, but she'll purr over the bad guy's lap the second the plot calls for it because she forgot how to punch? Her lasso of truth was in her other swimsuit?

People demand women have something to do other than be rescued but men have no idea how to write it. They'll include the obligatory she beats up all the bad guys in a pointless scene but you can replace nearly all Strong Female Heroines™ with a potted plant and it'd have no effect on the plot. Shit, Gamora was upstaged by an actual talking tree who repeated one line. What did she do to help the Guardians really? Aside from give Starlord pants tingles she um, uh...held the door open for them?


Sex is the one power all women are supposed to have (regardless if that's true or not), and it's the one all woman are supposed to use against men (again, not remotely true). Which means men are fucking terrified of it. They do all they can to regulate a woman's sex appeal. Slut shaming, dress codes, "boys will be boys," it's a woman's job to control men because they can't hep it, it's her fault for what she was wearing/doing/thinking. These supposed feminine wiles terrify the hell out of them.

So that's what they write. That's the only strength they think women have, their breasts and ass. Which brings us back to Wonder Woman. She's an Amazon, she can have a punch off against Superman, she's currently the God of War, she's thousands of years old, but what's her power? Her sexuality.

If you were hoping the Wonder Woman would have her being the actual hero, looks like you'll have to keep waiting. All she can do is bat her eyelashes, pout her lips, and stick out her chest to get the bad guys to give up. What year is it again?

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Free Fallout 4 Valentines

Despite facing a bleak future in 2025 where every single movie must based upon a comic book, the prevailing thought is still that the nerd never gets the girl. (Also nerds are never ever girls. Girls are an amorphous bundle of body parts that do one cool thing, get called strong, then become a trophy for the real hero) Nerds don't do that romance stuff because gee whiz, their brains are too focused on all the excelsior mighty science nerd stuff. Bazinga. There's no other possible option. Nope. None. The media can't really think outside their templates, once they do they all get nosebleeds and might begin to question the point of their own existence.


So while they're off spouting more diamonds™ get 'em in piss yellow and poop brown! It's love! commercials, I've got ya covered.

Fallout 4 Valentines! Feel free to swipe, share, send, whatever it is the cool kids do. Or horde them all in your dragon lair. I've got one for every companion (which that was a god damn lot there, Bethesda) and one surprise valentine. Ready that scrolling finger, we're gonna be here awhile.

MacCready

I'll Walk the earth beside you until the day I die.

Codsworth

I live to serve Valentine

Nick Valentine (It got a bit Inceptiony on my computer for awhile with this one)

You're one hell of a partner

Deacon

Songs will be written about our sheer awesome awesomenisity

Piper

It may be trying to kill us but this valentine never lacks for excitement

Hancock

You're about 80% as good as the chems

Cait

New Valentine who asks for a shag is getting a boot up their ass

Preston

There's another Valentine that needs your help

Danse

You're one hell of a valentine

Strong

So much walking, want to do more loving!

Curie

With skills like this you could be a valentine

Dogmeat

[Dogmeat Found Something]


And last but not least...

[Oh shit, Deathclaw]

Go, share, and revel in the awkward flirt a couple times then call it a romance. Or, if slightly more complicated is your style I still have all my Dragon Age valentines from Origins, 2, and Inquisition.

Or there are the Mass Effect ones.

All the nerd love.

Friday, January 8, 2016

The Cake...dun dun dun!

It's that time again, the one day of the year when I show off to the world that no, I do not have the Martha Stewart, Pinterest approved decorating skills. Cakes and the art of making them pretty is something I have never and will never be able to accomplish. I should have my piping bag (which I never use) locked up (way ahead of you), and have the rank of lady stripped from my name because I cannot frost a cake.

But I still try for my husband because he's always celebrated with a banana cake for his birthday and I guess I love him and stuff. Shut up!

This being the internet and all, you can laugh at my failure along with me. This is the 2016 birthday cake.
I've never had a proper arch-nemesis before but this cake was pushing close to that title. I don't know what it was that I did to anger the baking gods, but I cursed a storm at the batter that splattered all over the place and the baked cakes that decided they rather enjoyed being in the pan and had no intention to leave.

But, after the liberal use of threats by butter knife, I finally scrapped both out and it was time for frosting.

Once again, the cake proved wilier than I anticipated. I think there's still chocolate frosting on the ceiling somewhere. After employing both spatula, spreader, and my fingers I managed to shellac the cake in a coating of chocolate cream cheese frosting. Next time I'm using a trowel and a caulk gun. It'd probably go better.

As for the decorations... We've been in a bit of a Fallout rut here lately, so I suppose this is my landscape/post apocalyptic cake.

There's a beautiful sea teaming with shark corpses:

The only bit of green laden in flattened turtle shells (good for the radioactive soil):

And in the deserts, there was a raider attack on the settlement of the gingerbread people. (Yes, that is food dye to mimic blood, I am that twisted)

Also, due to sprinkle incompetence, a shark is buried in the middle of the mountain range. Try to explain THAT science!

But, what's the fun of the cake without remembering ghosts of birthday cake past. Prepare your nostalgia goggles because here they come.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Year End Cap!

With the holidays finally winding down I've been keeping myself busy doing things that aren't writing related, which means it's way easier to show pictures.

First up is a surprise painting. I don't think I've done one in a year, and it's unlikely I'll do another for a year due to all that novel stuff. So please enjoy and maybe go and buy this Snowy, tree, moonlight whatever!

Speaking of writing (I never get far from it), I've got an idea for a noir story but with all my characters from Dwarves in Space. So of course, I had to whip something up visually because reasons that aren't just me avoiding writing. They're good reasons, I swear.

My husband finished the Grey Warden sweater he's been knitting me for a year and a half. The arms were a particular tricky part that ended in "look, just make them all one color!"





And, finally, it's become a tradition for us to get a gingerbread house kit after christmas for cheap and then attempt it. This year we embraced our inability to create anything resembling fancy and form the Fallout version.

This is gingerbread lane 200 years after the bombs hit:

So, what's up for next week? Building our own jet pack out of coffee tins and super glue? Can do!

Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas from all of us here alive at...

Op well, alive is optional. But Merry Christmas anyway.