I'm a watchaholic

You want to know the easiest way to drive me crazy? Lock me in a room so that I'll be late to something. It could be something simple, something you can show up late to and I'll still be climbing the walls, clawing off the wallpaper, and chewing my own leg off (assuming you have to use a coyote trap as well).

The second way is to just take away my watch. I have been wearing a watch since I was in the 7th grade. It's become habit for me to always know what time it is as I just have to look down at my wrist (I am one of those weirdos who doesn't carry my cellphone, or a purse for that matter).

I am proud of my watch tanline

So due to my habit I always wear an Ironman Timex (It takes a licking and keeps on ticking, even if you take it swimming in a pool or smash it onto a shelf). But, alas, my usual watch just isn't dressy enough for the wedding (or as my fiance's side says wearing a watch is Bohemian. I have no idea what that means as all I associate that word with are the bug eyed Olsen Twins, but I'm guessing it isn't a good thing).

Thus begins my hunt for a fancy dress up type watch that isn't too expensive (I suppose I could always get a pocket watch and then give it to a groomsman later but that won't hide my tan line).

The top watch to the left is priciest of the three
this watch can bring together any gold and silver accessories you have.

For the more traditional pearls and lace bride
this watch to the right can be a nice substitute for a bracelet.

Found from my favorite place for jewelry (etsy.com)
I love the simpleness of the blue used for this watch.
And easy way to have your "something blue" if
you aren't as crazy about it was me.


I have no idea what watch I'll wind up getting, but I'm glad to see that there are some options for brides. Even if it makes me "bohemian" to want to start my wedding on time and not have to hunt down a clock to make sure. (Here's hoping I don't automatically check it while during the ceremony).

I know I'm already weird for wearing my glasses (though I am going to keep my hair long, for a short hair bride check out She Weds) adding on the watch and the fact that I'm not really wearing a bridal gown and I may be in the running for weirdest bride of the year.

Four eyes!

Like Big Foot or the Lochness monster Brides in glasses are rare cryptic creatures that are only photographed in fuzzy old movies.

Well I am a glasses wearing freak. I have been for as long as I can remember. I know there are pictures of me from when I was really little running around without, but I was probably just as blind then.

My eyesight is on par with moles and any other cave dwelling creatures. So I couldn't really imagine spending a day without my glasses, which makes everything visible and shiny. (I did try contacts once, totally not for me.)

But it seems as though in the pursuit for perfection it is about impossible to really find a bride that doesn't care if she's called a nerd or a dork on her wedding (If you worry about a pantsing you may need to re-work that guest list). The reasoning is for fear that pictures won't come out. I am hard pressed to think of a time in my 20 years of glasses there was a picture that would have been perfect if it weren't for my glasses. And even if the refraction from a flash is an issue you can get a coating put on your glasses to stop just that. (it also seems to help keep them from fogging up which rules!)

Offbeat bride has a small q&a on glasses, about the only article I could find on it. I have no idea why glasses are seen as so taboo for a bride to wear (though it doesn't seem as bad for the groom which is good as mine has them as well). You will not look less like a bride if you wear the glasses that you have worn your entire life. You do not have to try contacts just for your wedding day so that people will think you look more like the insane standard of beauty. Glasses don't make you look like a dweeb, they just are who you are (levels of smartness people believe you to be on the other hand can come in handy for convincing people you are a rocket scientist Just mention Goddard a lot.).

On my wedding day I'd rather look like me than someone I've never really seen or met before, and no matter what you do I look like a nerd. So for all those brides out there that are four eyes, let out a yell that we're gonna keep our beloved eyesight just the way it is and damn the naysayers.

Will I be a Beautiful Bride?

I knew that you had to have your hair done for a wedding and have vague
knowledge about makeup, but I am finding this insidious push that if you don't do this and this and this you won't be a beautiful bride.

There have been a few recent articles about brides that plunk down thousands of dollars to get plastic surgery. Assuming that this isn't something they've been thinking about doing for years for personal reasons and it's just because they'll be a princess for a day so they should have a new nose is damn scary.

But even on the less extreme ends are some frightening trends. First off is teeth whitening, we've all seen the adds on TV of people with some nicely bleached teeth telling you unless your teeth are blinding pilots they aren't white enough. Luckily lots of vendors are happy to step in and help out.

Now that your teeth are as white as Snow White and 4 of the dwarves (They're well known for their dentistry) it's time to make you look as dark as possible to show off those chompers. Time for some tanning. If you are going to try and skip the UV from the sun or those tanning beds, there is a myriad of sunless options (and some videos on how to perfect it!). Some people will swear by a home lotion tanning process and will then swear at the smell of it. Others love going into a booth and either having a machine or a human spray paint you.

There is also the issue of hair. Some you want to get rid of (with waxes and threading all over your body) and some you want to add too with extensions and fake eyelashes. For the other extra chitin on your body (your nails) you're gonna for sure want to get yourself a mani and a pedi (possibly also a betti and a jetty). After all you'll have to have lots of pictures taken of that ring finger.

After all this beautification you can't forget the most important part, er um, oh right, your face! Just about every salon seems to offer a bridal package that includes a facial, a must have so you can get that glowing look. It isn't like just being excited about getting married is enough anymore.

What amazes me about all these things is how important they are stressed. So many women seem to worry themselves silly about how to get a not fake tan, or what to do if they get a pimple (I've just accepted the fact and am going to draw a smiley face on it). How come the groom can get away with getting up at noon, showering and getting dressed?

For me, I'm not going to stress on being a beautiful bride. I think instead I'll focus on being a happy bride.

A Quickie

Nothing too exciting, but I seem to suddenly be coming across a ton of articles on brides trying to lose weight. Especially with the release of the Wii-fit, something I am still torn about (you can't think of a better way to get women to play video games without trying losing weight with it, not to mention the fact they'll make your Mii based upon your BMI?)

Here's a good series of articles on just how prevalent it all really is.

All I can think after reading this is why isn't there pressure on the grooms (not that there should be)? How come the guys can just look like themselves when they get married but women can't? Something to think about if you feel you should take Alli just to lose those last 10 pounds for your wedding.

I'll never be perfect

If there is one time that a woman will have the world on her back on having to look as gorgeous as possible it's on her wedding day. Even worse than a trip to a beach or the dreaded high school reunion, somehow society has decided that the one day that you must be a size 2 have full voluminous hair and perfect nails it's on that one day of your life. (And some brides apparently require their bridesmaids to all but kill themselves)

Yeah, right.

I'm fat, I've always been fat and I always will be fat. The older I've gotten the more I've come to terms with it and just because I am fat doesn't mean I am not healthy. I've always been more flexible than my thin counterparts and have insanely low blood pressure (some people think I might actually be a lizard), so none of that of you have an extra 10 pounds you have to lug around that makes you unhealthy just because you don't have a magical metabolism.

But it seems like the wedding industry is set up so that the worst thing you can be is fat on your wedding day. That you will look terrible in your pictures and just feel awful about it for the rest of your life. So you need to buy all of our nifty gadgets and spend a couple weeks in a bridal boot camp as well as refuse to eat anything but drink some water and have celery every other day.

It's insane and it really sucks. Companies saw how much pressure women were on already and decided to make them feel even worse. And it isn't just the "overweight" women who are getting this crap. Normal women, women who have the perfect BMI feel like because they are getting married they must lose 5-10 pounds just to look perfect on that day.

I say, no more. No more looking at professional models (who are paid to be a certain size) in wedding dresses. No more signing up for all those weight loss programs on ever wedding planning site. No more straining for that one perfect wedding dress size. It is after all just a number and no one will know it.

I am going to keep toning up and building some muscle but not for some mythical day. I want to be able to play tennis for hours when I can get someone willing to play with me and I'd rather enjoy the slow walks I get with my fiance than the all alone tortures of aerobics for hours a day. I am just fine the way I am. It might not be perfect, but then again who is?