Bye Bye Shed

You know those times when there's a sense of dread in the air? When you can feel fate pricking at her lines dredging your life in omens like it's some kind of onion ring?

This morning was not one of those times.

I was standing at the back door, watching my husband put his shoes one when a cacophony of metal smashing into metal broke from the backyard and watched as our shed crumpled and flew up like it saw a spider.

My first thought was that another tree tried and succeeded at taking out our fence again. Then the screaming started.

A motorcyclist was laying in our yard, bleeding out all over the mud patch that refuses to take sod (probably because it keeps having motorcyclists dropped on it). Luckily a cop was driving past and spun right around. Within a few minutes a horde of firefighters and paramedics were there administering to the screaming man.

We hung back, while Es dropped her ball thinking all these people were in her yard to play with her until the guy was loaded up and taken to the hospital. Then we started the damage assessment.

We have no idea how Mr. Knievel is doing, but the cops made sure to point out the pool of blood to us a few times. And then we overheard another asking if anyone had found a chunk of leg. Goody! Easter Egg Hunt!

Best we can figure Mr. Knievel hit the transformer box, flew up

Hit our fence, then the shed

And crashed into a tree which finally took him down. You do not fuck with that Ash Tree I guess.

To have kept going through that much he must have been flying, you know down a 35 mph street near a school zone. At least he had a helmet on so there was no body to clear out instead.

Actually he really fucking lucked out, we had almost nothing in our shed and are not avid saw blade collectors. He also fell or flew off enough from his bike that when that finally fell it didn't crush him.

Because it's poetic, the front tire crashed far off beside the tree to escape all damage.

And now the cleanup starts. Amazingly most of our stuff managed to escape with only minor bruises and scrapings, unlike Mr. Knievel.

Anyone know a good contractor or artist that needs twisted sheet metal? Possibly with a bit of blood and human flesh still attached?

Edited to add: I think I need to put this outside my fence: