Insomnia:
a very very short story
Cold.
The room should be cold and dark, like an untended grave;
more silent than the finger of death. That’s what all the advice articles say
to combat insomnia. Still I lay here, counting something…
I tried to focus on my breaths like the books say, but I
can’t hear them anymore. They’ve faded into the night as my relentless mind stubbornly
cling to the waking world. The hours for witches, for the dancing dead, for the
nocturnal animals to prowl their elements pass as I flip over. Time is
different in the ink of the night, each heartbeat could last for a nanosecond
or an entire day. It is impossible to discern the passing of minutes into
hours, or hours into day.
But the glare of sun, the proof that I once again failed,
always cracks the drawn blinds of my tomb never reaching my partially opened
eyes. Daylight, another chance to struggle for the unreachable peace as I again
rise from my shroud of twisted sheets empty of sleep.
Lonely. Am I lonely? I am alone, but does that make me
lonely? I can’t remember.
Day is not night. Of course it isn’t. What a silly thing to
think. I’m so exhausted, common and uncommon sense allude me. I can’t remember
when last I slept. Was it before? Or have I ever slept? Can one go their whole
life without sleep? It’s on the cusp of my memory…no, it’s gone. It was never
there, not in the ethereal daylight. Only when the sun slumbers, as I roll
through my internal rolodex calling up every wrong, every fear, every hurt in
my life, can my memory return. Only them am I properly alive.
I stand before the bed -- my bed -- my untended, unused bed,
and watch the last drops of light from a lonely world spilling across the dilapidated
carpet. I am lonely, but all I can ever be is lonely. A form lies on the right
side, on my side, curled inward as if reaching its knees could have stopped the
inevitable. The eyes are partially open from the dehydration. The skin is the
texture and color of ham jerky, with a few wisps of hair fanned across the
molding pillow. Day to months to years; it is forgotten, abandoned, lost.
2 comments:
Very Poe-ish.
Very Poe-ish.
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