I admit it

I did have a second where I did in fact have a "Wedding industry moment." It was during the loong day of dress shopping (so I blame some of it on the lack of nutrients in my system as well as the sight of so much satin and tulle on my psyche).

While wandering around a consignment shop (which is a wonderful place to go for cheaper wedding dresses if you are a size 10) and my Mom was looking for a dress while my MOH and I browsed the veils. I hadn't put any thought into a veil beyond maybe I'll borrow someone's and have that out of the way, but then we found one that was just nice and simple. It wasn't too long and had a ribbon around the edge.

This is actually it on eBay (if you have any need to check to make sure I'm not lying through my teeth).

As my friend was the only one with a pony tail she shoved it onto her head and actually wore it while we were wandering around the store (very entertaining I might add) and I just decided what the hell it was much cheaper than anything I'd seen at the salons, I'll get it.

That was my first wedding splurge I guess, and now that I've stopped and thought about it I've realized just how much thought is supposed to go into choosing a veil.

Apparently it's supposed to compliment or match your dress (though if you look at anything wedding wise it seems like everything is supposed to match the dress, which would make an interesting wedding if you showed up in jeans).

To make things even worse there are about 5000 different types of veils. Here's just a quick list with explanations. There are a lot that are missing actually.

TRADITIONAL VEIL DEFINITIONS

BLUSHER - is traditionally short, shoulder length or shorter and is worn over the bride's face to hide her from the groom until after they are wed when it's pushed back behind the head. It is usually combined with another layer sometimes a different length. Despite tradition, blushers of today can be any length as long as they cover the face. Blushers can be worn in formal or informal weddings.

ELBOW LENGTH - is usually worn with a gown without a train and is a little less formal.

FINGER-TIP LENGTH - is usually for formal and semi-formal weddings.

CHAPEL - is for a more formal wedding. A chapel veil falls to or near the floor.

CATHEDRAL - is for formal weddings. A cathedral veil extends on to the floor like a train and is usually worn with a dress with a train.

On top of all that, there's colors, stuff on the edge, and some have crystals all over them. Why must every wedding decision have 200 different options? It's like trying to get plain vanilla ice cream and they keep saying you can have it with everything from sprinkles to anchovies.

Never mind how you can just skip the whole veil idea and get yourself a flower, or hair pins, or a birdcage.

If you do decide to get a veil, it might be best to just close your eyes, spin around, and pick one at random.

I'm not ready for the close up

I'm slowly coming to realize that me researching, finding, and booking a photographer means I will in fact have to have my picture taken.

This is probably rated a million on the scoville rating of terror for an introvert. (The pure capsaicin would be having to perform a song and dance while reading your poetry and doing a strip tease)

I was always really good at not smiling in pictures, ever (which seeing as how most people can hear my laugh about three miles before meeting me shows how much pictures are not me); and my fiance is notorious for doing a fake smile that I can always pick out.

Me practicing, mostly laughing thanks to Futurama
(Only another two months for the second movie!)

So I've been trying to see if I can find a way to fake smile for real for all these horrors of wedding pictures. My first thought was to just stick pictures of everyone in the bridal party in their underwear all over the back of the church. Then I realized that I'd probably just have flashbacks to going dress shopping and I'll huddle in the corner crying.

Another thought was to pull the ol' (trying to get babies to look at the camera) and arming the photographer with a squeaky toy. But then we realized just how spoiled our dogs are already.

I thought about trying the advice from About: to lose 10 pounds in the camera, but I realized that since the camera adds 10 pounds, I'll just come out equal so there's no reason to twist myself into a pretzel to appease the camera gods.

All I can say is thank God I still have another 6 months or so, because at this rate I can either invent the camera that will capture your self image on film, or replace myself with a clone.

Either way, I will never really be photogenic.

It's everyone elses damn day

If I have to hear the phrase "It's your day" anymore I am gonna scream.

Here's just an example of where all you can find it.

1. It's your day -The planning hell
2. It's your day-with annoying music
3. It's your day-it even gets its own bloody boquet
4. It's your day-so you got to look hot
5. It's your day-Even the damn cake is just yours

If there is one thing I have learned as I get deeper into wedding planning it's that it isn't your day (or your finacee's). It's just as much the parents/grandparents/siblings/friends/pets/doctors day. Everyone has something that they always wanted and if you want to keep the peace just humor them, then you damn well better have it.

It's a good idea to just ask people what their expectations are. Everyone has different traditions from "The Dollar Dance" (which considering where my fiancees family comes from I might have to look into) to a Unity candle. Not to mention all the things the Mothers always thought you just had to have. Personally I raw the line at a giant ice fountain.

I am almost tempted to get one of those stupid "Bride" baseball caps and put underneath it in marker "please bring your questions to anyone else."

Smells like a bachelor party

For any brides worried that their guy might go a bit too overboard on their own bachelor party here comes HotWicks.They've got everything a guy could need to relax with his friends and have a nice game of bridge while imagining he's surrounded by beer and strippers.

That way you can keep good track of him, and he can try to convince all his other guy friends that he had one hell of a wild night.

All kidding aside, I am tempted to get one for my guy (especially the beer one) as it's probably the closest candle that you'd ever find that smells like bread. He has to put up with enough of my Yankee Candle nuttiness.

GAAAAHHHH!!!!

Of all the accomplishments we have made: man on the moon, moon pies, pies in vending machines, vending machines that kill, why can't we figure out how to cure canker sores or even what causes them?!

I have been cursed with these horrors since I was a child. And before you all go running, no they are not cold sores. Cold sores are on the outside of the face and are from Herpes. Canker Sores are on the inside of the mouth and are caused by Satan.

People usually get them when their body is under some kind of stress be it the pressure kind, the illness kind, or the chowing down on a lot of acid kind.

I've been fighting a doozy for over a week now and it just made me realize that I really don't fear acne breakouts, bad hair, or a killer clown on my wedding day as I do having a mouth full of the cursed canker sores.

I have yet to find anything that really helps. I have some orajel which will numb it for an hour at best. Though I also get to look forward to drooling all over the place as it also numbs over half of my mouth.

I've seen everything from baking soda to eating yogurt (I am beginning to suspect the yogurt company has deep pockets and will convince people to eat the stuff for anything--broken bone? Try Yogurt!) Some stuff is even contradictory from rinsing with salt water to avoiding anything with salt that could inflame them more.

Does anyone have any better cures than just shoving your head underwater til you pass out?

Since this had nothing to do with nothing here's a random wedding picture.