De-stress Tuesday

As October comes a knockin' on the door (better than it banging on the pipe as that's sure to cause structural damage and then a gas leak) the stress levels around the wedding blog o sphere seem to be hitting critical mass.

I'm sure anyone about to get married in a week or two is running around like some kind of domesticated animal missing its cranium so rather than talk about weddings or anything related to weddings today I was thinking we'd all need a good laugh.

So first up: Monty Python and the Cheese Shop sketch (I have a slight crush on Michael Palin)



Much like Cake Wrecks, Photoshop disasters presents an entertaining world where models have no legs, extra hands , or are secretly Elastigirl.

For any Dr. Horrible fans out there, you can now get the soundtrack on iTunes. I've been listening to it constantly.

And if you've actually got too much stress and lots of time on your hands, this little game will keep you busy for hours (extra points if you do the new one).

Wedding Quizzes

When I am a bit bored and want to be entertained I like taking random Internet quizzes.

Here's a good pile of wedding related ones.

What will your wedding dress look like?

You like dresses that aren't as modern as the ones today. You love the classic look of this dress, and it really sets off your beauty. This classic look is brought to the modern day with the tiara on your head. Can you say perfect? (No, I don't think that's even close to my idea of a dress. I really want to be able to get into and out of a car).

What are your Wedding Flowers?

(No text here but well at least there's sort of blue or maybe purple in there)

And for those who are interested in their astrology having an effect on their dream wedding.

You scored 46.2% Refreshing Air
As someone with Air Energy in your birth chart (Gemini, Libra and Aquarius), you eschew tradition and favor putting your own unique mark on your wedding. Your wedding day isn't about the details -- you couldn’t care less if the icing on your wedding cake matches the color of the napkins -- but about the love you are celebrating. You don't have a specific vision of how the day will look, but you know that you want the event to be relaxed and casual. Expressing your personality is important to you; whether it's having your brother and best male friends serve as your "bridesmaids," writing your own vows and choosing your favorite poems to be read or giving your bouquet to the longest-married couple in lieu of the traditional toss to the single women, you show that you aren't afraid to be yourself. Your innovative wedding is sure to be memorable, and may even start some new trends!

Well most of these are nothing close to what we're doing but at least they tried. I hope you all have some fun letting the internet plan your wedding for you.

Wedding What If

"What If Machine, what would my wedding be like is there were no traditions or laws or common sense we had to follow. I guess it's just expected that money is no object, oh and I don't want to be turned into some kind of mutant turkey either."

First rather than holding the ceremony in some stuffy church we'd have it in the middle of the woods, at night, with lots of candles around. We might even invite Smoky the Bear to stand by with a fire extinguisher.

We'd forgo an officiant and just marry ourselves (assuming smoky can't stand in) with just a handful of friends there to watch us. They'd have all been invited there thanks to our super cool monster movie poster invitations.
I'd also skip over this whole you must have a big fancy white dress and instead dig around in my closet the day of and pull out a blue dress, oh and I'd also realize that I don't have any shoes and have to go barefoot, shuckey darns. The reception will just be held wherever there's a dry spot in the woods and for dinner we'll all have Chicago deep dish pizza and Nebraska Runza's. There will be no arguments over open bars and favors or how tacky certain decorations are as nature will do most of the decorating herself and oh, what the hell, provide the booze as well.

As for our honeymoon, we'd head off to London so my guy can get himself a bowler and I can get myself a cool fedora. Then we can just run around pretending we're in the Avengers.

Alas all those pesky trappings of time, money, and expectations keep us out of the woods (not to mention the fact that Nebraska has a whole 3 trees. There's a reason we started arbor day). But maybe some day when we're bored or feeling weirdly romantic I can throw on some random dress and we can pretend we're being married by a giant bear that is really against forest fires.

Okay What if Machine, now show me what it'd be like if life was a video game.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

So I spent a lot of the day doing very important stuff that involved being in offices that I'll tell you all about later. For now I feel like being a bit silly, so I present

My Weird Wedding (courtesy of google images)
Note that I don't think anything is bad, just different.

Well first off every wedding needs a really weird wedding dress. (Or if you are really looking forward to the wedding night this will come in handy) Our bridesmaids will be dressed up like Santa, so we can be sure to get lots of presents.

For our ceremony we totally need to have Tim Curry from Legend officiate.

The wedding rings need to be something to remind us of not only our love and commitment but also exactly how screws work.
I think our getaway vehicle needs to be something that can crush all those hummer limos in its path.




Okay so I just thought this was a kinda cool cake topper really.





As a thank you for our guests we'll make sure they think of us every time they have to clean off their computer screen (where we live about once a day, damn construction.)




And to end the night we won't have a wedding cake, we'll have a pile of wedding sushi (I wonder if that comes with fondant?)

If any nerds haven't heard

You have to go and check out Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. It stars the adorable Neil Patrick Harris (he had me at Rifftrax) as an evil scientist trying to make it into the evil league while also trying to attract the attention of a girl he's barely talked to. To stop him is his arch nemesis Captain Hammer (Firefly fame Nathan Fillon). Oh and there are some really catchy songs in there

I still can't get "It's a Brand New Day" out of my head.

Meet the pres(ent)

Last night we got our first wedding gift shipped to us.

It was rather exciting to have a package show up that we didn't order or have to put with something else for the wedding.

Meet our first shipped wedding gift. We call him Al.
Me: Welcome, so glad you could be here with us.

Al: Wow I never really thought that I'd make it. I mean it was quite a bumpy road for a while there, but here I am.

Me: So what was it like going through the whole registry process?

Al: Well, at first I wasn't so sure they really wanted me. I mean I was one of those heavy pieces of furniture and everyone can use a few more spatulas.

Me: Ha ha, tell me about it. The dishwasher just ate another one of mine.

Al: But after some debating they picked me on-line and I got the call that I was getting shipped out.

Me: Okay, so how about after you arrived?

Al: That was a bit worrying. Will they like me? Will they want me? Will they attempt to return me to Target and get so frustrated with the customer service I get flinged across the parking lot?

Me: Well as you can see we wanted to keep you.

Al: Thank goodness for that milk crate night stand. Ha ha. They were a bit rough in unloading me. And it took them forever to find my instruction booklet.

Me: Got any funny stories to share with us?

Al: Oh yes, when they were putting me together they messed up the long screws with the short screws so in attaching the top of me to my legs they drilled to huge holes through the top. Ha ha, owe.

Me: Well to err is human, to forgive varnished pine.

Al: I'm just happy to be supporting an alarm clock and a box of kleenex now, doing a job that I love.

Me: Thanks for meeting with us.

Al: Sure no problem. Just remember to spray and dust your furniture. Thanks for playing.

Beep!

This is blabs answering machine. She is currently out of the area but to entertain you here are some fun images.

Think of it as a game. Using keywords from our planning I take the first google image picture and display it for all to see.

1. Wedding date2. Halloween Wedding

3. Type of wedding dress4. bouquet color4. Color of bridesmaid dress5. Colors6. Centerpieces7. Invitations
8. Favors
9. Hair style10. Jewelry11. Grooms attire12. Ceremony location13. Reception locale14. Get away car

Rebranding Weddings

Um, hello. This entry today is actually authored by the groom. Traditionally, the guy is barely aware of any of the wedding details after proposing, renting a tuxedo, asking various guys to help, and possibly setting up some rental arrangements. I can't say I have done that much more, but I have been able to at least observe some of what goes into a wedding.

I've found something in my observations. Weddings are a huge industry, but not really like the major holidays are. I think weddings can be made better, or at least more uniform by stealing from holidays to form their own new image.

New Years Eve/Day: Well, this is easy enough. For New Years you stay up late, get really trashed, and kiss anything in sight. If that doesn't scream wedding then what does?

Valentine's Day: Hmm, well this holiday has those little candy hearts with messages. However, they have the taste of a chalkboard with a light granite after note and are better suited as a door decoration (really, ask my fiancée or her friend who managed to tape two boxes worth to my door piece-by-candy-piece). There is also cupid, but being one of the two prime targets in an up-coming wedding, pelting the bride and groom with fake arrows is not that appealing. Sorry folks, looks like this holiday is a wash. Can't win 'em all.

St. Patrick's Day: Ah, this is much better. Since this holiday has become, at least in part, about enjoying spirited beverages, why not consider coloring the beer or white wines in your wedding colors? Sure, some guests may think it is weird, but after the first few who is really going to care? Though a thought occurs to me not everyone drinks and should not be encouraged or pressured to. Alright, colored beer for some, gold foil wrapped chocolate coins for others.

Easter: If we learn anything from the commercial celebration of Easter it is that a successful holiday needs a mascot. Just think of all the random bunny stuff you can find for Easter. Therefore, I propose Garry the Wedding Weasel and his bride Betty. See, it will be a cute Garry the Groom and Betty the Bride who are Wedding Weasels. Your guests will love the opportunity to have an autographed picture of them with the Weasel family. Part of the fun of this holiday was searching for Easter eggs. Using eggs again would probably seem lazy. Therefore, hide the guest's favors around the reception site. I'm sure there are dozens of places you can hide a small tulle bag.

Fourth of July: While it would be easy to say start using fireworks for weddings that seems a bit too over the top. Instead, I am thinking this can be more of a new tradition. For those getting married the first time, you are potentially declaring your independence from your parents. Why not do it right and draft a document to prove it? Heck, declare your independence from being single. This may prove more lasting, or at least legally binding, than personalized vows.

Halloween: Everyone is already dressed up in an over-the-top sort of way that they think is really cool (or sexy, classy, sophisticated, what have you). The difference is that you are not supposed to be having fun, at least not in an “acting goofy” sort of way. Perhaps people should just work to relax and dress up in a more outlandish way for the reception. And in addition to hiding the gift bags or favors, you can have big baskets of “fun size” candy that people can go around and collect in a Trick or Treat kind of way. This way you can be sure to get the kind of candy you really like, or trade with people so you can. Wait, we're already going to be doing that.

Christmas: I must admit, when I started on this voyage to be married, I did not believe there would be a similarity to Christmas. I was wrong. It turns out that Weddings are prime gift giving occasions. Sure, I knew you are expected to get gifts for the young couple who are about to start a life together, but then I realized the couple is expected to get a gift for each person who is involved in any capacity beyond just showing up.

Now, don't get me wrong many of the people you get gifts for will deserve it. The problem is remembering just how hard it is to find “the perfect gift” for these people. What we need now is a range of gifts from the cheap and generic, to the more personal. The more personal has already been thoroughly covered, but can't we get “Wedding Cheese Boxes”? Also, we need to have more fun with this. Make the bridal party hang socks up in a common place for the couple to dispense gifts through. Maybe some plant we can gather the other gifts under. I suggest a palm tree.

Miscellaneous:

Birthdays: Aside from the gifts you may end up getting, Weddings and Birthdays have another thing in common. Cake. Classic wedding cakes of the last hundred or so years have been white on white with white detail. Why not add some color? Primary color balloons, sprinkle confetti, or even Spider-Man. Why have a bride and groom cake topper when you can have Spider-Man scaling the side? Now THAT would be a memorable cake.

We

"Putting the We in Weddings and taking the end out of feminism."



Found this great video from Feministing.

Smells like a bachelor party

For any brides worried that their guy might go a bit too overboard on their own bachelor party here comes HotWicks.They've got everything a guy could need to relax with his friends and have a nice game of bridge while imagining he's surrounded by beer and strippers.

That way you can keep good track of him, and he can try to convince all his other guy friends that he had one hell of a wild night.

All kidding aside, I am tempted to get one for my guy (especially the beer one) as it's probably the closest candle that you'd ever find that smells like bread. He has to put up with enough of my Yankee Candle nuttiness.

And he floats!

I had to share this wonderful find from Amazon.com

I think the best part is the last bit claiming that on top of it all, he floats too.

Though you do have to wonder if he'll cheat on you with an inflatable whore.

Now I just have to find an inflatable wedding, that'll make things so much easier.