Thursday, March 27, 2008

Never Again!

I have come to the realization that I will never get remarried if only to keep me from having to go bridal gown shopping ever again!

I've done some rather demeaning jobs before (most of them involving animals, and for a while worked as a janitor in a dorms bathroom) but nothing can top the horror of going dress shopping. Not only did I have to squeeze into that monstrous "undergarment" pictured up top (it shall from now on be referred to as "suffocater") I had some lady that I had never met, known, or taken out for drinks pawing all over me, taking my clothes on and off, and being way to perky for someone in the wedding industry.

It didn't help matter too much that I am not a size 10 (though in pants that's more like a size 6-8) and I shall never be that tiny. I, unlike the rest of america apparently, was born with hips. There is little I can do about it. I have a weird forced perspective going on where I have tiny hands and toes but a large middle (does anyone make a diamond shaped dress?). And of course in this land when it comes to the big day it's been decided only women smaller than the natural average can possibly be getting married. (If you got engaged and you're not that small then you'd best get on one of the zillion weight loss boot camps to slim down now!)

It did provide for some hilarious moments as I tried to jam dresses over hips that no one is supposed to want. I remember one point where I was leaning over gasping for air as tears ran from my eyes (okay in retrospect it may have been the suffocater as well).

After all this hell, I really can't imagine why anyone in there right mind would enjoy that experience much less go to try on dresses for fun?!

As for me, in the end we found a dress for my flower girl, who is 21 and really wanted to be my flower girl (we're gonna have a legal flower girl, he he he), and I went with a bridesmaids dress that comes in white. It was actually in my size and it didn't cost the same as two PS3's.


Guilty Secret said...

Oh good, I was hoping I'd get to see a picture of your dress, as you're a fellow wedding-industry swindler, going for a bridesmaid's dress. (*High five!*)

I love your dress. Very classy and I bet it's very flattering.

Guilty Secret said...

P.S. Ha ha ha @ 'never again!'