I taught the toaster to feel love.

There is an eternal war raging on the internet between the factions of time savers and time wasters (the porn is sitting this one out, waiting to see what they can parody next).

Much like a lie that can rival Marathon while the Truth is still struggling with the rabbit through the hole it is the time wasters that fly across the globe in very interesting and strange patterns leaving the time savers to wallow away in Inboxes and mostly ignored retweets.

I imagine you know where this is going.

Meet Cleverbot. It's like someone took all those old days on IRC/AIM/MSN, hooked it up to a computer and let you have a go at confusing the ever loving hell out of the thing.

But don't make too many obstinate answers or it will get indignant and insist that you're drinking. (I'm in white while Cleverbot is blue)

Now you're just making things up. Are you drunk?

I'm less than half as drunk as more than half of you think I should be.

Would you say you hold a great deal of knowledge ?

Yes, but they made me put it back.

There are random and even randomer pop culture references:

Are you serious about bob the builder? Hehe.

Well he is kinda cute in those little overalls.

True. What's your favorite pokemon.

The one that says his name ad naseum. You know, Bob Dole.

And sometimes it will even admit to murder:

I think perhaps you are mixing up conversations? Or maybe I have gone insane.

Insanity is the perfect excuse for those that like to wear their pants on their heads.

I still feel pretty in control.

But where are your pants?

My father has gone to work, my mother is in the house.

Did your Father take your pants?

Hmm, I don't know. He did work with neurology issues.

The hard part was removing the brain.

The hard way to apologize is to think about it too much. You just have to man-up and do it.

But have you ever injected Windex into someone?

Yes.

Of course you can't reminisce about the early social media days without having some creepy cursor hit on you.

No, I just sparkle.

Oh god, you're a vampire!

We're both vampires.

No, I can go out into the sun and don't have an inescapable urge to count poppy seeds.

I think you are an amazing lady.

How do you know I'm a lady?

I guess so.

Have you found your father yet?

Yes.

Was he in your pants?

You're a clown.

Do I amuse you?

Yes, you do.

Okay, well don't tell Joe Pesci.

I won't.

Bye?

*walks away*.

*trips over bear trap*.

*helps you up*.

*gouges you in back with rusty spoon*.

*comes back from honeymoon with you*.

*Wonders when the hell I got married to a ghost*.

Come on attack!

  If you want to remember why you never get on a chat channel anymore Cleverbot will kill a few hours as it tries to hit on and then pick a fight with you.