Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Your tastebuds on strike

I have just tasted the worst product ever marketed to womankind.

It's so bad I am flabbergasted that it ever got out of a taste panel, but then I remember things advertised like hell such as Pepsi Blue that you couldn't GIVE away to college students. I'm starting to think taste panels are composed entirely of people who like to snort salt in their spare time.

I found it one grocery shopping day in a bin mixed up with fellow odd flavor brethren the store was trying to be rid of. What can I say, my curiosity was peaked but oh how I now regret picking up that little cup.

May I present the worst tasting thing I've had in a very long time:
I can about imagine how the commitee meeting went to lead to this monstrosity.

Women like coffee, right? They're always swamped around my local Starbucks. And they can't stop eating yogurt because they're one bowel movement away from collapsing in on themselves. So let's combine the two!

End Scene

How do I go about describing the horrors this thing unleashed not only upon my tastebuds but also my stomach, the sensory centers of my brain and for some reason my pancreas?

Imagine you're trapped in a room and the only way you can get out is if you have a cup of coffee, except all that's left in the pot are the burnt dregs. You think that you could try and resuspend that in something and drink that.

Except the only liquid you have is some very sour milk that's been sitting on the counter for a while.

So in order to gain your freedom you slurp down burnt coffee grounds mixed in milk that's sourer than a warhead.

And that's just what this coffee yogurt tastes like, only times about 30 on the awful factor and a log higher on the WTF scale.

This is more proof that all new and latest food stuffs are actually determined by a chicken and a mouse that got one of those magnetic word puzzles and an abundance of corn.

Just watch, the next thing to grace your supermarket shelves will be Pork Cereal or Cheese Salmon. And I'll be right there trying it because I'm a food masochist it seems.

Have you discovered anything so god awful lately you can't believe they even trying to market it?


Linda said...

LOL! I agree. What were they thinking?

Anonymous said...

I cannot express how much I now want to try Pork Cereal.

Jennifer said...

Funniest post I've read in a while!

Leslie said...

That is bust a gut hilarious. What a relief after such a long day!

buffpuff said...

That's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Cheered me up no end.

AuĂ° said...

I've tried bakon vodka - yes, a bacon flavored vodka, made right here in WA state.

The combination is NOT made for taking shots :D It actually tastes good in bloody marys, though - go figure...
I was able to keep a lukewarm shot down (they recommend chilling it), and I'm a lightweight. A friend of mine, who has a high alcohol tolerance, took a shot - and promptly lost his lunch. After that, all we had to do was mention Bakon, and he started to feel queasy! :D

violarulz/ducksandbooks said...

the dude loves them, though I agree with your "tastes like ass" assessment.

Bria said...

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA! I don't know why "they" thought GO-GURT was a good idea..."if only i could chug yougurt on the subway ride to work..."