Wedding What If

"What If Machine, what would my wedding be like is there were no traditions or laws or common sense we had to follow. I guess it's just expected that money is no object, oh and I don't want to be turned into some kind of mutant turkey either."

First rather than holding the ceremony in some stuffy church we'd have it in the middle of the woods, at night, with lots of candles around. We might even invite Smoky the Bear to stand by with a fire extinguisher.

We'd forgo an officiant and just marry ourselves (assuming smoky can't stand in) with just a handful of friends there to watch us. They'd have all been invited there thanks to our super cool monster movie poster invitations.
I'd also skip over this whole you must have a big fancy white dress and instead dig around in my closet the day of and pull out a blue dress, oh and I'd also realize that I don't have any shoes and have to go barefoot, shuckey darns. The reception will just be held wherever there's a dry spot in the woods and for dinner we'll all have Chicago deep dish pizza and Nebraska Runza's. There will be no arguments over open bars and favors or how tacky certain decorations are as nature will do most of the decorating herself and oh, what the hell, provide the booze as well.

As for our honeymoon, we'd head off to London so my guy can get himself a bowler and I can get myself a cool fedora. Then we can just run around pretending we're in the Avengers.

Alas all those pesky trappings of time, money, and expectations keep us out of the woods (not to mention the fact that Nebraska has a whole 3 trees. There's a reason we started arbor day). But maybe some day when we're bored or feeling weirdly romantic I can throw on some random dress and we can pretend we're being married by a giant bear that is really against forest fires.

Okay What if Machine, now show me what it'd be like if life was a video game.