Friday, August 15, 2008

Wedding What If

"What If Machine, what would my wedding be like is there were no traditions or laws or common sense we had to follow. I guess it's just expected that money is no object, oh and I don't want to be turned into some kind of mutant turkey either."

First rather than holding the ceremony in some stuffy church we'd have it in the middle of the woods, at night, with lots of candles around. We might even invite Smoky the Bear to stand by with a fire extinguisher.

We'd forgo an officiant and just marry ourselves (assuming smoky can't stand in) with just a handful of friends there to watch us. They'd have all been invited there thanks to our super cool monster movie poster invitations.
I'd also skip over this whole you must have a big fancy white dress and instead dig around in my closet the day of and pull out a blue dress, oh and I'd also realize that I don't have any shoes and have to go barefoot, shuckey darns. The reception will just be held wherever there's a dry spot in the woods and for dinner we'll all have Chicago deep dish pizza and Nebraska Runza's. There will be no arguments over open bars and favors or how tacky certain decorations are as nature will do most of the decorating herself and oh, what the hell, provide the booze as well.

As for our honeymoon, we'd head off to London so my guy can get himself a bowler and I can get myself a cool fedora. Then we can just run around pretending we're in the Avengers.

Alas all those pesky trappings of time, money, and expectations keep us out of the woods (not to mention the fact that Nebraska has a whole 3 trees. There's a reason we started arbor day). But maybe some day when we're bored or feeling weirdly romantic I can throw on some random dress and we can pretend we're being married by a giant bear that is really against forest fires.

Okay What if Machine, now show me what it'd be like if life was a video game.


Anonymous said...

that was the awesomest and saddest post ever.

Jennifer said...

I'm either so beaten down by the man, or I'm having exactly the wedding I want...cause I am having trouble playing "what if". And I agree, awesome and sad post- all at once.

Sarah said...

I wish I could afford to fly our friends family to Europe and have my wedding either on a vineyard in Italy or Greece. But having them there is more important to me than having the destination wedding I dream of.

Outside of the cost of flying 200 people to Greece, our grandparents are still alive and the trip would be to much for them.

Riley (aka Rachel) said...

LOL!! I love the idea of getting married in a forest at night with a bunch of candles - how romantic. Alas, Texas is also not known for its trees or forests. ;-)

Yes, really if not for certain family expectations *cough*inlaws*cough* we'd be jetting off to a nice beach or cool destination with our close friends and family only, spending a couple days vacationing, and then be getting married in a casual and simple service. When we got back we'd throw a kick-ass party for everyone else.
But, no... but to be honest, I think this will be good too. It's cheaper, and I am getting my way a little - we will not have 350 people there.

Blind, Irish Pirate said...

best late night read. ever.

Guilty Secret said...

Aw, what a great idea for a post and so well-executed.