Tune in or else

As we get closer to May and that long pimped wedding month June the TV networks start to pull out their wedding fare.

First up is the food network with a week long wedding extravaganza starting next week. Really, a surprise engagement cake challenge? What does that even mean? Does the guy have to pop out of it? I am personally hoping Bobby Flay has to do a throwdown where he must plan an entire wedding in an hour.

Though watching the food network hype isn't so bad as about 70-80% is about the food as opposed to being about the cost of the crystal centerpieces.

TLC has had the Wedding Story around for years. It's a weird sort of mish mash of "How we Met" followed by "How much our Parents spent on this thing."

For the more Bridezilla look at people going batshit crazy while dress shopping there's Say Yes to the Dress. It just makes me feel sorry for the poor women that have to drag out dress after dress for brides to try on, especially when they are just there for the "experience." (I profusely thanked the woman who helped me and my friends at the shop where I bought a dress as my Mom and MOH went a bit crazy picking out dresses to make me try on. I think they were just out to drive me insane.)

Then on We if you really want to watch women who have clearly lost their minds and bought into the "Best Day of my Life," there's Bridezillas. I've only seen a handful of the screaming fests while visiting with friends but it does make you wonder why some of the grooms didn't pull a runner. (And if for some reason you want to put your self through the editing hell, you can apply here.)

Looking through their schedule of shows it looks like WE is really the wedding network. So there's one about Platinum Weddings (I wonder how people can stand wearing clothes made out of platinum), Rich Bride Poor Bride (I assume it has nothing to do with that crappy Kirstie Alley/ Tim Allen Amish farce), My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding (Nia Vardalos must be stopped.)

But the worst one by far seems to be something called Bulging Brides. Seriously, you don't have enough ways to make women feel like crap that they don't have millions of dollars to spend on "The best day of their lives?" You have to make them feel even worse because they aren't a perfect size 4 (or is it 2? Don't tell me it's 0 now).

It's enough to make me boycott TV (Or at least all the women networks and indulge in hours of Spike TV's Bond marathons) but I'm really hoping for that Flay humiliation. Oh and I don't think I could give up Ace of Cakes even if you threatened me with a marathon of Bridezilla episodes.