Friday, April 2, 2010

Happy Easterish

Despite constant fake outs this week (shame on Tuesday for putting on a Friday mask and really making me think the End of the week has truly arrived only to be forced back to recalculate the true end so people wouldn't start demanding their money back) Easter weekend is finally here.

I must admit though, maybe it was the horrible snowstorm of Christmas that locked everyone in their houses, maybe the sun that went on a 3 month holiday to bermuda, or possibly the rove of anti-fun aliens that zap your brain from any happy thoughts but I just can't get into Easter this year.

Even all the multicolored signs hung in retail stores to get you to buy your weight in plastic grass have done nothing to perk up my chocolate coated ears.

So, I've decided that what with it being Good Friday and all I should finally embrace the good old fashioned Easter traditions that Christians have performed since the dawn of time.

I'll begin my day at the pound where I will adopt a 5 lb chocolate rabbit to come home and sit at the center of the table before it is sacrificed in an ancient sugar ceremony.
 It's sad how many chocolate rabbits won't be adopted this year thanks to everyone suddenly decrying carbs. Atkins is still a curse word in Bunnyland.

Then, weather permitting, I shall slip on my waders, giant grizzled prospector beard and head to the stream to pan for jelly beans:
I got a pretty good haul last year, but then some jerk stole my donkey and tried to move in on my claim. But I won the day thanks to my "Crazy Prospector" spray. Now he spends his days in a home jumping up and down screaming "Beans! Glorious Jelly Beans!"

And finally if all of that doesn't put me in the Easter spirit then there really is only one final way to catch the dyed egg spirit.

Strap on a 12 gauge shotgun and take out some of the wild peeps mallowing across the land:
Happy Easter everyone!

But seriously, beware the peep gangs. If you turn your eye off them for a moment they'll be on your face smothering you with their marshmallow bodies. Peeps are bastards.

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