Halloween Bash Introverted Style

Due to my proximity to all that hip haunter lingo I know quite a lot of random facts and ideas that would probably cause any normal person to turn funny colors and make loud gasping noises. Or maybe I should lower the dose on my Cinnamon & Arsenic cookies.

My husband and I could throw the rockingest Halloween party if we weren't one step away from perpetual hermitude with a penchant for wailing uncontrollably about how unclean our cave is. But I see no reason to not share with all of you so you can put some of my info to good use and so you won't steal all of my Juniper berries.


1. Foggers, Misters and Dry Ice - Oh My!

What is a Halloween party without a heavy mist clinging to the ground calling to mind the haunted souls hungering for crisp flesh? But how does one best go about making such ambiance?

If you want to do the old bubbling over punch bowl affect just get some dry ice from your local grocery store/bait shop/mad scientist.

The downside is that you have to keep replacing the ice throughout the night and make sure no drunk idiot actually trying to consume said dry ice.

If you want less work and maybe the addition of some pretty lights you can get a mister. They've gotten a lot harder to find as of late but any local party store should have a few tucked in back for Halloween.

The trick is finding just the right level for the mister to kick out enough juice. I use glass bowls in the bottom of my cauldron to lift her up. But even then it's nowhere near as impressive as the Dry Ice but a hell of a lot easier to deal with and any stupid people you may have around.

But if you really want to go for the big kahuna let's talk Fog Machines. You'll see all matter of sizes at Halloween stores from baby 400 Watters up to 1000 (or better if you go online).

As you can guess the size determines how well of a fog coverage you get. But you have to be careful inside, as too much fog can cause terrible eye burns and make it hard to breathe for your guests (unless you're going for that affect then knock yourself out). Outside our 1000W works quite well, almost too well on windless nights while you may want to stick with a 400 or 750W inside.

There is, however; one more piece you must create yourself if you're going to go this route. Because foggers rely upon the evaporation of the juice compound it doesn't really roll out so much as billow up into the air. In order to get the low clinging fog you have to cool the mist first by creating a fog chiller.

This is generally just a cooler filled with ice that the fog has to travel through before it can be released.

There are lots of different techniques and suggestions on how one goes about creating one from super fancy to cut a few holes in a styrofoam cooler and call it good. It'll take a bit of messing with as the higher the Wattage, the larger the cooler, the longer the fog will have to travel through the ice.

2. Projection

Projecting: it's not just for passive aggressive assholes anymore, it's actually become a favorite of home haunters. All one needs is a little light projector (I have a Discovery Wonderwall which works well enough for being under $100) a screen, an old DVD player and your spooky DVD of choice.

Personally I use Hallowindow for most of my window scares:


But there are lots of other options out there if you want to go for the more realistic chills. Another popular addition is one calling itself 3D that can be projected on the walls, windows, mirrors or some 3D techniques it teaches you to do.

These are more expensive than Hallowindow but add a nice and unexpected chill to any Halloween party.

3. Martha Stewart

I know, I know it sounds insane but out of all the Gore Galores and Monster Guts websites I visit, each October without fail I check out the Martha Stewart den of debauchery to see what new and fascinating ideas the most terrifying woman on Earth has come up with.

Only a mad genius would create something like this for a centerpiece:

The woman clearly knows and loves her some Halloween. There are also tons of frankly creepy looking recipe suggestions as well as a pretty good tombstone tutorial. It isn't exactly how I make my own but pretty close.

If it feels weird to go to a Martha Stewart site for Halloween stuff you can sign up for just the Halloween newsletter and if anyone catches you looking at it in your mailbox swear it was an accident and you thought it was porn.

These are some of my well guarded secrets regarding Halloween, use them well to scare the crap out of your friends and relatives any chance you get.