Thursday, August 7, 2008

And in this corner

I am one of the least competitive people out there. Many times my best friend and I would play games til we tied and then called it good. I was never really "going to the mattresses" with any of my friends except one.

It all began when I started dating my fiance and she had latched onto the first guy who said yes to dating her (she would do anything she could to get a boyfriend). She started making snide comments about how I couldn't possibly love my guy as much as hers, there were even times she'd have to tell me icky intimate details I did not need to know just to lord over me how much more adult her relationship was I guess.

Well I couldn't take it all, (I think the final straw was when she started flirting with my guy even going so far as buying him a present when I was standing right there) and I just cut her out of my life. That was bad enough, but as I plan a wedding (something she so badly wanted) I am so thankful that she is not around to diss all our little plans and talk about how much better her wedding will be.

What is it about this whole "keeping up with the Joneses mentality?" Where does it come from that women have to one up each other? It amazes me sometimes just how good women are at cutting other women down, a well timed statement here, a glance of disgust there and you have your friend upset.

Somehow women can't move past the idea that the wedding is a reflection of them, that if it isn't perfect and expensive and the most unique party ever then they will never be worthwhile and will have failed somehow. A wedding is not the end all be all of your personality and public persona. There are a million better ways to show the world who you are than how much your wedding costs.

And what to do if you have a friend constantly asking you your wedding plans just so they can up the ante? Just stop telling them anything. Claim it's gonna be a surprise. Or if like me it just gets to be too much for you, you might want to think about doing some pruning.


Anonymous said...

what brought this on?

Jennifer said...

Here Here! I have found (as I think most of us have) a wonderful support group online...I don't feel a need to share too many details with my friends who aren't getting married.

Ms. 122 said...!

Guilty Secret said...

Great post. I sometimes with one of my friends or siblings were getting married around this time too but this reminded me what a potential nightmare this could be. Thanks for reminding me to be grateful I have nobody trying to compare us!