There is a balancing act that anyone who is planning a wedding must walk: how much information to tell a person so they feel informed but not so much they feel like it's all you talk about and your wedding.
For me, I started out not telling anyone much of anything (aside from my fiance, we're the weird people where he'll help with most of every aspect). I didn't want to bog them down in boring stuff like what color we chose for the linens (black with spider web) or how long it took us to find a photographer.
Turned out that wasn't enough, as my best friend started to pelt me with questions like "what color dress should I get?" and "where is this thing gonna be held?" So total secrecy didn't really work either. I fear that I then went overboard.
Soon we were IMing back and forth random cute things we'd found (like some cool fall candle things maybe someone else can use) and I'm sure I was burying my friends in crap I'd made for the wedding (maybe the 3rd e-mail on my tail was a bit much). After no one started talking to me I realized that maybe I'd gone too far the other way.
I'd like to hope I now have both feet on the wire and have my huge balancing stick but it seemed during the shower everyone kept asking us if we had anymore plans to make (honest answer: I sure as hell hope not, it's only 3 months away). And my other bridesmaid (his sister) is feeling left out as she lives 8 hours away.
Though, honestly, I don't expect my wedding party to do much of anything. I am gonna do some stuff with my MOH. Some is tradition (we now know how to make almond bark mints work after a slight disaster for her wedding) and some is just an excuse to hang out. I suppose I view the wedding as something I got myself into and they really shouldn't have to help out with all the boring stuff.
They both are willing to help plan a shower, stand up and have their picture taken a ton of times, and generally put up with me. That's hard enough work to earn them all a gold star in my book.