Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A rant, or why I should avoid messageboards

What the fuck is wrong with Brides nowadays? (Big B means general not specific)

When did it become normal for a woman to upon getting that ring on her finger lose any empathy?

Why is it okay for her to step on everyone's toes and demand that they all bow to her wishes and if anyone dares go against her are to be shunned?

I can think of no other time when a woman can demand that her friends buy a certain dress regardless of what they look like in it or how they feel about it, as well as how they accessorize and how they get their hair done (never mind all the pre-wedding parties they must attend or they are kicked out).

God help them if they do complain about something or they're just cut from the wedding party and never talked to again.

Why is it a sin to ask a Bride to just step back and think about how her friend feels? She's feeling self conscious about the dress, the shoes don't fit right, or the hairstyle isn't her. How would you feel if on your wedding you were ordered by someone to wear a certain dress, get your hair done a certain way, and wear awful shoes just because someone planned the wedding that way?

It makes weddings seem more and more like a play to me. The Bride is the director and she gets a say in who the actors are, what everyone wears, how they act, when the scene changes happen and when everyone takes a bow. I mean if an actor throws up a fuss about say being pregnant then you just fire her and hire a new one, right?

Well a wedding isn't a play or pretend (at least I'd hope that it isn't to someone about to get married), it's real life. It's a commitment and it isn't going to go perfect.

So many sites and blogs talk about having the perfect vision and how to hammer down a nail that sticks out in the planning process. Instead of that why not try to sympathize with the nail and make them feel better. Or better yet hear them out, think about their suggestions and see how that would fit with the big plan.

For God sakes, at least prove to society that Brides do still have some form of empathy left.


DeadmansLog said...

I had this conversation with my MOH about 2 weeks ago.

Srsly, same rant came out of my mouth. Except maybe I didn't use the same 'play' analogy.

Riley (aka Rachel) said...

Yeah, it's hard.
On the one hand, I don't want to tell people how to do their hair. Or what shoes to wear - I don't care, honestly. Well, I don't want them showing up with green hair, but none of them would. And even if they did - oh well. I want them to be themselves.

But, on the other hand, I did choose dresses - although I did listen to my future sister-in-law (who passed along the info through her mom)and let her get a different dress b/c she didn't like the one I picked. Also, I'm finding that in some people's eyes (namely, the future sister in law) if they don't like something I've chosen for our wedding, or don't agree with it, they take offense to it! I feel like I'm being a "bridezilla" (horrible word!) for asking that my future niece wear shoes (of what kind and what color - I don't care) down the aisle as a flower girl.

I think there's a fine line, and where that line is for each person differs. Generally, you and your friends will all agree on the line - because you're friends, and share similar views - but, to other people the line is in a totally different place!!!
As long as a request is made politely, is not over-the-top or ridiculous, and the bride is open and flexible, then I think it's fine to let the couple getting married make the decisions and choices.

Jennifer said...

So what you are saying is that it was unreasonable of me to request hair extensions for my bridesmaids?

J/k...and Amen, I hate the knot messageboards!

AmyJean said...

The wedding industry forces this delusion of "the perfect day" the "perfect bride" and encourages "bridezilla" tactics by constantly saying "ITS YOUR DAY". True it is your day, but seriously, let's all be reasonable. I definitely agree with you on that. It is "your day" but its a day that you can never live down if you are completely crazy and inconsiderate... and let's not forget, its "your" day that you actually share with someone else who should be pretty important in all this as well. I think you are allowed preferences on your day, but not demands...

Anonymous said...

Hell YEAH!!!

DeadmansLog said...

amyjean - your comment just really struck me with what bothers me most about all this malarkey:

People really push you to be bridezilla about things. It's a little scary how much people push you to make decisions, but encourage an 'it's-all-about-you' mentality. I can see where some girls go mad with power.

I hope it doesn't happen to me.

Guilty Secret said...

Booyah! Screw them and their "perfect" crap!

The Pissed Off Bride said...

I agree. I think it is a personality thing though.

As long as the dress goes with the colors, I really don't care what dress they pick. I never understood how you can expect someone to pay their hard earned money for a piece of crap dress, just so they do not look better than you. That is such BS.

I think it is wrong of anyone to ask anyone to be anything other than themselves. If you are putting someone that is goth in your wedding. Who are you tell them to change? If you don't like their style. DON'T PUT THEM IN YOUR WEDDING!

I completely agree with the play analogy.

valerie said...

I have had the same rant pass from my lips many times throughout the wedding planning process.

Seriously, one my bridesmaids showed up on the wedding day with some pretty bold make up (bolder than I'd ever choose for myself, but that's not saying a lot since I'm not very bold), but it looked good, she said she felt pretty and really liked it. So I said, "ok, cool. You do look awesome!" My bridesmaids and I had some scuffling with hair styles while getting ready... mostly because I kept saying, "Wear it how you feel comfortable!" Apparently sometimes people need definite choices?

I hate the mentality that the wedding is all about the whiny bride. I had so many people telling me, "It's YOUR day" whenever I'd say I wasn't sure about something. I'd always reply, "I think it's Brett's day too... and my parents are forking out some cash."

I lost a good friend over this wedding nonsense. She called me lots of names, called me irrational and unreasonable because I told her I wouldn't sleep on the floor in a stranger's apartment for two nights. She picked horribly uncomfortable shoes and got insanely mad when I spoke up about them (um, $70 for ugly, uncomfortable shoes??). I was the only one that had balls to do it because apparently everyone else was too scared of her to say something.

She never apologized to me for calling me a bitch... about SHOES!!

She kicked me out of the wedding party and then said I was uninvited to the wedding... because of SHOES and the fact that I was "unreasonably" opposed to sleeping on the floor for two nights!

But anyway, for your sanity, I'd avoid those wedding forums. I've wanted to scream, "are you f*&@ing kidding me?!?" at some of the unreasonable things. Yeah, I've whined about my wedding party, but that's mostly when I was really desperate for their help and they couldn't help me out for various reasons. In the end, especially on the wedding day, they really pulled through for me.

Skywalker said...

I did get mad a bridesmaid because she wasn't being forthcoming about information but it turns out other things were going on that I didn't know about and wasn't privy to.

My main concern was that everyone from me down to my brother could "play well together in the sandbox" - show up and have fun.

There is a fine line between being loosy and being a bitch. You do have say this is what I want but at the same time allow for some compromise and freedom.

Hopefully you havent' been called a bridezilla and if you have - shake it off.