Thursday, September 18, 2008

What the hell?

If you are in anyway addicted (or know about) facebook, they have a nice little application that will put on your page (well til they changed facebook around) when your wedding is coming and some other random stuff.

What makes it really nice is the addition of a message board. I've pretty much been on it since day one (and the women on there are a whole lot nicer than The Knot). I've had an ongoing thread about Halloween Weddings and how cool they are.

Generally everyone seems really into the idea and some have great ideas (as well as some are as insane as me about stalking stores for Halloween goodies), but someone recently published a comment that got my blood boiling a bit:

"I think the halloween wedding sounds fun, but are you sure you want a dinosaur tale and your other bridesmaids in wedding dresses too? I love Halloween too and the cake and decorations sound great. Just make sure you don't regret being a dinosaur instead of you at your most beautiful on your wedding day Good luck! "

When the hell did a wedding become Bride centric? Honestly, it scares the crap out of me that the Bride is held to such standards that she's less a woman about to become married to a man and more a marble statue. She's something to be admired from afar and held to insane standards while at the same time not really viewed as human (I'm reminded of the end scene from Elizabeth as she paints herself white and mimics the Virgin Mary).

It makes sense then why shows like Bridezillas are so popular and people like to trade stories of Brides that don't live up to the ideal. Brides aren't supposed to do that (just as people in the public eye who are considered role models aren't supposed to get DWIs or have affairs), they're supposed to be perfect jewels and no longer have any of the human foibles.

And because of this thought anyone who dares go against the norm is questioned and criticized and constantly examined as though they have gone mad. I couldn't imagine just how sad a person would be to really think that they must look more beautiful than their best friends and relatives.

But you see it all the time, women who are worried that a bridesmaid is going to be wearing heels so she'll be taller. Or that the bridesmaid is going to dye her hair a different color, or wear a bust enhancing bra or any other myriad of problems that she wouldn't give a crap about any other day of her life. Or saddest of all that one of their maids is much more beautiful or skinnier (not the same thing) than her so the bride has to find a way to look better.

Well I refuse to be a holy relic. I am not made of marble, I am flesh and blood (and a few traces of Dr. Pepper). My best friends are not there to just make me look better, nor should they have to spend a day miserable as hell. I'd rather they get a chance to enjoy the day as much as possible and look just as gorgeous.

So my Matron of Honor is going to wear her wedding dress again and she'll look beautiful.

My tall Flower girl is going to get herself a Marylin Monroe white dress and she'll look beautiful.

And, yes, even wearing my large chunky Bridezilla tail I will also be beautiful.


AmyJean said...

I love this post! all of it. And your comments are so right on!!! Lawd knows, i've got a ton of "human foibles" (I love that word !) and I plan to flaunt and embrace them!

valerie said...

I've kinda steered away from the weddingbook forums. They irritate me.

Do what you wanna do! I love the idea of a Halloween wedding and would have done one myself if my mom hadn't made the comment that we're "sick and twisted people," and oh, also she wouldn't pay for anything, haha.

So I admire you that you get to have the wedding you want through and through!

The only things people are giving me hell about are staying with Brett tonight in the same bed we've shared for nine months... and seeing each other before the ceremony. Oh, and my blue shoes, haha.

Anonymous said...

Just do what you want. Don't let people get to you. You know I'm going to support you through it all.
~your MOH

DomestiGals said...

WORD, sista! I hate it when people give attitude like that... it's your wedding, your day - and it should be exactly as you want it, no matter what any one else thinks!

Guilty Secret said...

Fantastic post. You hit exactly the right note with this.

I completely agree... one aspect of the wedding I'm not looking forward to is people telling me I look beautiful and not just chatting to me about whatever they would chat about at any other party. Of course I want to look great, but then I want to party with the best of them, not spend the day thinking about my appearance.

Riley (aka Rachel) said...

I think weddings are generally more bride-centric because they care more about the details. Generally, guys aren't as interested in the small stuff. Most guys, anyways. So, the WIC has started to cater towards women. But you're right -it's irritating sometimes!! I mean, I'm not the only one getting married. It's not ALL about me.

Oh, and a few more things...
1) My sister J will be taller than me. She's 5'11, and will be rockin' the heels!
2) My sister A will be more, uh, bust-a-licious than I will be. Which is fine.
3) I fully realize that while I'm attractive, I'm no Heidi Klum. But you know what?? The people at my wedding already know that.

hwong14 said...

People like that suck. Ignore them! (Easier said than done, I know.) I think your ideas are great and your wedding is going to be awesome. I hear you, though, on not doing "the norm." I've been checking out bridesmaid dress colors in *gasp!* both chiffon and satin, and every salesperson tells me "They're going to look different, even in the same color, because they're different fabrics!" And when I say, "I know, I don't care, I think it will be nice," they don't know what to say. I find it easier to say, "I'm not sure yet which one I want, so I'd like to look at both." That is within the realm of what they are comfortable with, but then I get pissed at myself for bending to the pressure. Who even cares if you're beautiful on your wedding day? (Not that you won't be beautiful.) Isn't the important part that you're getting married?! Sigh.

Tayia said...

Right on! I completely agree with you. Only one month left and we flip over to the dark side! I can't wait!

Linda said...

Some people cannot upset tradition and that's up to them. Do not let them get you down since you are having the wedding you and your groom want. Personally I think you rock and thanks for being there to challenge other people's stereotypes!

Kestra said...

I don't think she really meant it as a criticism. A lot of women look back at their wedding and wish they had done things differently, so she's just suggesting you think twice about yours. It might be narrow-minded as she probably has different priorities than you, but that's all that it is. If you're happy with your decisions, then it shouldn't matter what other people think.

DeadmansLog said...

Meh - frankly, people just have an idea of what they think weddings -are- and what they think they -should be-, and anything less than 'glamour-princess' is outside of their comfort zone. They are trying to help by making suggestions deeply ingrained in them, and don't recognize how other people value ... well ... more valuable things on their wedding day.

I'm early in planning my "Hallowedding," but it's already started to worry me how the wedding industry (and more frighteningly, friends and family) encourage a weird kind of 'it's all about you, everything you want, and it needs to be pretty/perfect with the accepted set of parameters' mentality. It's just not me, and BS makes me uncomfortable.

You'll love your day because it will be you, and you can smile and nod at those other people (it does no good to try to talk sense into them).

Elyssa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.