Monday, February 23, 2009

Anniversary Gifts for the off years

For as long as man has put a ring on a woman's finger and suddenly had to celebrate this thing called an anniversary we've had a specific list for what to get each year. The first is paper, the second cotton (I wonder why the first two years are what you'd need to print your own money?) etcetera for each year up to the 10th then you get every 5 or ten years.

I always figured on the off years, your 17ths or 26ths you would be left on your own forced to think up your own gifts. Turns out I was horribly mistaken. I present a partial list (IE those I found hilarious) from

17th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Furniture
(You've been living together for 17 years, time to finally get rid of those railroad ties and pizza box recliners)

18th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Porcelain
(Images of couples over a candlelight dinner exchanging porcelain German Shepards bought off QVC float through my mind)

19th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Bronze
(The gift that says you may not be the best, or second best, but at least you placed)

24th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Musical Instruments
(Nothing says love like a tuba. Seriously what do you do if neither of you plays an instrument? Recorders and Triangles for all?)

26th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Original Pictures
(As opposed to all those unoriginal pictures you give for all the other holidays.)

27th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Sculpture
(Hey, we're getting old. Time to start putting tons of crap in our garden.)

28th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Orchids
(Just what every guy wants.)

29th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Furniture
(Pst, you already said furniture. Well after another 12 years you may actually need to update things a bit, look into one of those stair climber chairs or a stool for the shower.)

32nd Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Conveyances
(I am guessing they are referring to a vehicle, but all I can picture is someone giving their spouse one of those automated sidewalks with a big grin on their face.)

37th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Alabaster

(Ooh you can have a statue or vase that you can scratch with your fingernail. Perfect for all those grandkids running around).

38th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Beryl or Tourmaline
(What is up with all these minerals all of a sudden? Are you going to get your own mineral mine for the 40th or something?)

41st Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Land
(Just make sure you don't buy it with a few beads or you'll never hear the end of it.)

42nd Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Improved Real Estate
(Because we all know that land you bought last year was completely worthless, so you better get your head out of your ass this year).

44th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Groceries
(Seriously, I kid you not. Though they probably figure at this point your kids are the ones doing all the shopping for you so the best you can get your sweetie is a half eaten candybar from the gas station.)

46th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Original Poetry
(Roses are red.
Violets are Blue.
Someone should pick up my dry cleaning
Have you seen my teeth?)

47th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Books
(Damn, why can't every anniversary be this?)

48th Wedding Anniversary
Modern Gifts: Optical Goods
(Um you should have made this one 46th so then you could actually you know read the 47th).

Is anyone planning on following this lovely list? I think our second anniversary we should totally give each other groceries and a huge hunk of quartz for the abandoned mine we just bought.


Leslie said...

I hope we're able to purchase some land a bit before we're supposed to. By that time, we won't want it anymore.

withoutadornment said...

These actually made me laugh out loud at work. (whoops!) They're too funny. Somehow, I highly doubt we're going to follow them. Somehow, I think if I gave Mr. Bean paper for our first anniversary he would be let down and just a little bit confused.

I wonder who comes up with this stuff?

Linda said...

I'm going to send that list to Tai. He'll get a kick out of it.
Gawd, who actually follows these list!

Jennifer said...

You know what is soo sweet- is every week is like our 44th anniversary around my house. And we've only been married for 4 months! The husband will come home with a traditional gift...or sometimes we even go out and get groceries together! Awww love.

AmyJean said...

I hope i make it to 48 :)

Mrs. Not-so-Domesticated said...

Those are hilarious..then I guess every week must be our anniversary, since thats when I buy groceries.

Chesney said...

Really funny, well this year will be 18 yrs, hmmm, I think I would rather get a new lens for the camera - ha! Great post!