Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Chrismtas cookies -- lazy style

I would like to introduce you all to the best cookie ever.

You don't need to have any baking skills at all to make them. Hell you don't even need an oven or pots or pans. Everyone loves them and they're gone before you can even turn around.

I have no idea what their real name is but we call them "Elf Crap" and "Snowman Poop." I've been making these bad boys since my Sophomore year in college when my best friend and I started a weird tradition of trying to make Christmas cookies in the dorms with no kitchen.

The first step, get yourself a huge bag of oreos and put them all in a zip lock bag (you may even want to double bag it).

Next pull out your beating utensil of choice. I've used everything from a hammer to a biochemistry textbook to a bottle of wine. This year I picked an ice cream scoop.
Then just start swinging:

While you're working out the stress of the day (it really helps to imagine you're punching that nosy relative who is sure to ask "Should you really be eating that?" in the face) have some almond bark melting in a crock pot. Or if you don't have a crock pot a microwave works just as well (and if you are in the middle of the woods with neither just start sitting on the almond bark til your body heat melts it).

While all this was going on you should have had a package of cream cheese (8 ounces) warming on the counter. What do you mean you didn't do that? Saying I didn't tell you is no excuse.

Well when you do pull that out and your cookies are thoroughly pulverized dump them into a bowl. After the cream cheese has warmed add it to the cookies and mix, mix, mix!

This is the best part as you get to goo up your entire hand in chocolate cream cheese goodness (and of course you have to lick some off to test it):

Once you're done mixing it all up together, and have finished cleaning up your hands (licking is perfect acceptable as I doubt any human being with taste buds could resist) it's time to make the Snowman poop.

Just form the cookie cheese mixture into a small ball and dip it into the almond bark. Then let them set out on the counter for a half hour or so:

All that work will yield a wonderful crop of poop related treats in neat little rows:

We always make chocolate as well (my personal favorite).Now just try to not eat them all up while they're sitting there. One word of warning, make sure to only get the Oreos with white filling. The dyed ones (you know in Red & Green) do horrible unspeakable things to almond bark (that was a really fun year trying to fix that mess).

They may not be the prettiest cookie out there but I bet even Martha Stewart would gobble a few down when no one is looking.


Linda said...

I think you are right about Martha. But what a wonderful treat!

Cate Subrosa said...

What on earth is almond bark?

(I guess we call it something different here... I assume you don't really mean the bark from an almond tree... do almonds even grow on trees? Oh dear, I need a lie down...)

Adrienne said...

Those look awesome!!!

Leslie said...

Note to those trying this out. A food processor does wonderful things to the oreos by crushing them even smaller than you can with a wine bottle or ice cream scoop. It makes the center smoother too.

Ellen said...

My future mother-in-law has been sending my fiance cookies every month for the last 11 months, because this is what he decided on for his birthday last year. This month, we were sent what she entitles "Oreo Bon-Bons". I happened to read this post at work today, and come home to find in the mail none other than your "Snowman Poop"! A little cosmic, I think! More cosmic was the fact that darling fiance's birthday was yesterday, Dec. 9th, the date of your "Snowman Poop" post. Too weird.

rksquared said...

I just made these for the first time the other night. Tasty for sure!