I have mentioned before that my husband's sister is going to be married soon and I have some trepidation's about it all. Not the marriage itself but the ceremony and the family dynamics that could arise if I don't curtsy at the right moment.
For us the wedding was a fun, cheap celebration to show off that we got hitched but as time passes it become more and more obvious his family looks down upon us for not being good consumerists. We're not fancy people by any stretch of the imagination and have a habit of hording things just because they might be useful someday.
His sister by contrast will throw away anything she does not want or that fits her taste. Even if you spent a lot of money and thought on a gift, if it is not what she was expecting she'll get rid of it and fast. My husband joked that for the wedding I could make them a nice big painting but I gasped in shock on the fear that something I'd devote hours to would just wind up in the garbage can after two weeks.
The wedding is not until the end of July (so prepare to talk me down come July 20th), but in the mail I just got a shower invitation with all the inserts to all of her registries. And now I face a large conundrum.
The fact is, the stuff she wants is to my eyes impractical and extremely pricey. The only things under $30 are spatulas (and most things range in the $50-100 range for little things) and even those cost about $15 each. There is no flatware, no dishes, nothing for actually setting up a house to live in so one could do laundry or clean the floors.
While they lived together while going to college they have recently both moved back home until after the wedding where they will then move in together to their house. I also know that they rarely if ever ate in or did their own laundry. So a part of me thinks, well as someone who did move out and live all on my own (and does cook most meals and has done her own laundry for at least 10 years as my mother cannot be trusted with socks) and learned all the important little things that one suddenly realizes they need do I use that knowledge to select a gift? Maybe a laundry hamper and a trash can (you can never have enough)?
Or, knowing that anything not bought off the registry will probably find it self in the dumpster as soon as the Thank You notes are written, do I just suck it up and buy some incredibly impractical thing off their registry? Even if I am worried that if I pick the cheaper things it leaves the rest of her frankly not well off family to pick up the slack?
This is also a little plea to anyone out there that is working on a registry for your wedding, for the love of God please think of all of us that are dealing with this depression and may have our own expenses. We do not all have 6 figure incomes we can just splurge on your $200 blanket or $75 picture frame.
I can understand wanting some nice things for the future, but a $5 meat thermometer works just as good as a $30 one and really think if you'll use it or if it will sit in the cupboard. Or worse, don't register for expensive things just because you plan on returning them for cash.
I never really thought someone used the registry as their own personal shopping spree without footing the bill but now I am beginning to see just how deluded I am.