Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Snarky Wedding Cakes

Our wedding cake came from the same grocery store we frequent every week for our daily fix of bread and milk.

The bakery section put on top of the fruit section lots of fake cakes that are changed about four times a year to show off their wedding cake options. Usually it's a pretty interesting mix with at least one or two really neat looking ones. This time; however, I am sorry to say they seemed to be way off their mark.

The trend I kept seeing was stair case cakes, where they put them lopsided just enough to look like a determined toddler could climb up your cake trying to get at that little toy on top. Like the one below. I have a small fear of cakes that are so large and structurally unsound you'll require the assistance of not only an architect but also a health inspector to make sure no one could be harmed in the event the cake does topple.

This is the sample platter of wedding cake. Can't decide between the swirls, dots, or wall paper texture for your wedding? Why not try all of them on one cake.

The color is nice and all, but what's up with the three cake toppers? Did the main wedding cake have little wedding cake babies? Looks like the two furthest out are the shunned wedding cake children only getting a plastic sunflower from the Dollar Store on top. Someone's getting written out of the wedding cake will me thinks.

So it turns out that you planned and booked your wedding on the same day as your Twice Removed Great Aunts birthday and your family is all up in arms for the obvious faux pas. What's a person to do?Why have a wedding birthday cake of course! You could even play Pin the Bouquet on the single bridesmaid or get a wedding clown to make heart shaped balloon animals.

The best part about making a cake in a grocery store is the availability of fresh ingredients. In fact this cake looks like someone finished adding all the swirls and decided it needed a little something. So they pulled out an old fruit and vegetable tray from down below and stuck it on there.

This last cake started out so nicely. They put time and work into making sure it would not tip over and crush small children and you also got the sample platter of texture.

But then there was suddenly a bright flash of light and a loud crash. A UFO landed and was taking over the bakery! They were able to fight them off with whisks and buttercream but not before the tentacled aliens laid their eggs all over their gorgeous wedding cake.
I didn't include the Harley Davidson cake because that would be like shooting canned sardines in a barrel.


Linda said...

Eeek. Those middle two are awful!

Chesney said...

There isn't one that impresses me - I like the smaller more elegant cakes - these massive ones just don't look real!

Bean said...

LOL (I actually did this, too) at the three cake toppers. I think they did have little wedding cake babies.

Carly said...

One word that pops into my mind: massive! All of these cakes are waaaay too big and gaudy for my taste. But, obviously, some people like them because they are on display! Wowsa.

Rachel said...

LOL!!!! You know, only you would look at the last cake and think about eggs! ;-) I thought, "Bubbles", but then I kept reading and thought, "ewwwww....".

And you know what popped into my mind about the blue cake - other than it being entirely too spread out?? Blue mouths and teeth! I'm always wary of dyed and colored icing in large quantities, and it's never a good idea at the wedding. Can you imagine the pictures?

Meg said...

"Um, you *DO* read Cake Wrecks, don't you?" she said with a stern look.


Shell said...

Very over the top!

TJLoop85 said...
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