I, um, well, you know . . .
I am a murder of envelopes. I, I just can't help myself. As soon as I receive a letter in the mail I cannot contain myself and just rip into the poor thing. Look at these horrible pictures of my latest victim.The people who can just take out one finger and glide it along the edge amaze me, like watching someone slice up a tomato and then a can with one of those ginsu knives.
My attempts at getting into a piece of mail is like watching someone try to carve a turkey using a plastic butterknife. Using an actual letter opener has always failed, generally with me forgetting all about the thing after using it maybe one so it slips deep into the black hole in my desk only to wind up in the Cowboy universe.
I fear there is no real treatment for my envelopeacide short of me hiring a small gnome to get into my mail or a special incendiary device.
Does anyone else have my same problem when it comes to fighting with that infernal sticky glue on the inner flap or are you one of those amazing people who can slide the perfect edge?