Veneration of the past always amazes me. When people talk about the good ol' days I am always very tempted to inform them of just what it was like in the "good ol' days" what with lack of sanitation, life expectancy lasting a whole 40 years and just where you could end up unless you were born into the upper crust of society.
I don't know how the rosy glasses of the past happens but I wonder if it isn't because we want to pretend at one point we all lived in a utopia or something. So then you see people saying this latest generation is the worst and ruining the world. In fact they've been saying that since ancient greek.
Like this quote attributed to Socrates by Plato "The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt forauthority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in placeof exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of theirhouseholds. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. Theycontradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up daintiesat the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."
You can easily picture an old grandfather sitting in a grocery store sipping coffy saying the exact same thing about us 20 somethings.
I've been reading an interesting website called Sociological Images that raises questions about just what influence societal assumptions has on ads and came across an old handbook from the 1940's when women were entering the workforce in droves due to the war.
It was clearly created to help all those poor male bosses who suddenly have to deal with this influx of women. Click on the image to see the bigger version or here. I think the author would be a bit surprised to find out this "husky girl" is not as even tempered as he assumed.
Though what saddens me the most is the realization that despite 70 years of clamoring for acceptance I know quite a few people that would still agree with those stereotypes. The veneration of the past means that we can never show how demeaning things are now without someone saying that things were better when the little woman stayed in the kitchen and shut up.
EDITED TO ADD: I just came across this little poster from a fairly recent book about how guys should deal with women. Makes me want to go live in a cave for a while:
Today we're looking at freezing temperatures and the possibility of snow.
But yesterday was a completely different story (Ah spring in Nebraska, it isn't so much its own season as its just summer and winter competing to see who can cause the most headaches).
In fact it was so nice I just had to get out and enjoy it a bit before the storm moved in. Plus I was just growing up some bacteria and they work best without having a helicopter lab tech demanding they get the best grades at growing colonies.
It was kinda funny as I wasn't the only one who had the idea. There were at least three photographers running around with really fancy cameras taking pictures. I'm sure they were all secretly giggling at me with my little point and click, but I had a lot of fun and without further ado here are some more spring pictures: These pretty little purple flowers just popped up almost overnight it seems.
I was pulled in by these lovely blue flowers (I didn't know nature made a flower that blue) when I saw something rather amusing in the middle: I really like the juxtaposition of something all dead and poky with soft bright flowers.
The photographers weren't the only visitors to campus I saw yesterday either. Something else was drinking in the lovely day and some pollen: My camera has pretty much no zoom to it so I really was right on top of these poor little bees. Luckily they were a bit busy so they let me be (I don't know if that counts as a pun or not. If it is I am terribly sorry).And since I have no idea when I'll see the sun again, I'll go out on a sun through the branches pictures (they're starting to become my staple, eh?)
Anyone else been getting up in any bees faces? I am kinda glad all the bugs will have to hibernate again and break out their little buggy antifreeze as we've had a little ant invasion in our kitchen and I had to pull out the big guns.
Otherwise I just want winter to be over. I've had the worst cabin fever lately and I want to just run around in a big field spinning in circles til I fall down. Who's with me?
We had the opportunity to attend a Masters Recital for our good friend over the weekend.
His instrument of poison is actually the organ and for his recital he got to play a pipe organ (in a really fancy church.)
If you've never seen an organ up close you should really go and take a look (assuming the church ladies won't attack you for daring to invade their coveted space.) Aside from both having some keys a piano and organ are like night and day.
All those little knobs on the sides control different sounds and ranges so the organ can sound like other instruments:
It was cool to watch him play too as he used not only both hands but also both feet and was at one point playing two organs (there was one back in the balcony you could connect through with the one in front).
I made a little clip using the very strange continuous option on my camera to show just how much of a workout it really is:
If he looks a little familiar it was actually the organist for our wedding. For a few examples of his work from that click here. Sadly I only snuck in a camera at the recital, I left the boom mike and camera equipment in the car.
Did anyone else get some culture over the weekend? I've never been able to figure out why recitals are always held in churches, every time I had a piano one when I was younger it was always in the local Methodist church.
Anyone else play an instrument? I did the clarinet/tenor saxophone thing for all of high school so I know the horrors of field marching very well.
Last year while perusing the newspaper I saw a listing for the latest Broadway shows that would be stopping by. One that I've got the book and album for was going to be showing in May 2009. I turned to my husband and asked if that could be my birthday present.
I've been waiting and waiting for May to get closer watching to see when tickets would go on sale, so then I could swoop in and get them.Now I just have to wait til May 14th! It's also the first fancy musical I've ever been to (I was in the pit for our two high school ones which was an interesting learning experience. I also despise Grease now).
Did you know you could make a meal fit for a king in under 10 minutes?
Captured your curiosity didn't I? Don't worry, you'll get it back after the post today.
I won't lie, I didn't think this up. I stole it all from Alton Brown, but we've done it a few times now and mine comes with pictures. So take that Alton.
I love crab legs, but I've never wanted to tackle getting a huge pot of water boiling and then dump the poor little things in. Not to mention trying to decide just when it's all done. But there's a much easier and faster way.
Apparently when the little crabs are first caught they cook them all at the dock for easier freezing. Then those are shipped to the grocery stores who will thaw them for you. So you'll want to buy your crab legs the day you're making them. That way one they won't go through another freeze/thaw cycle (I fear my molecular background is showing again) and you won't have to thaw them yourselves. All you need are some paper towels and saran wrap.
Wet the paper towels pretty good and place the legs within them. Then wrap the whole thing in saran wrap to contain the moisture and pop it in the microwave for 2-3 minutes. Since all you have to do is really warm it up, it only take 3 minutes and you have fully flavored moist crab legs to delve into. With the giant pot of boiling water the poor things get too watered down (not to mention it takes forever), but with the microwave technique you get these lovelies super fast. Mmmm, I almost feel like having some more right now. Too bad we ate them all last night.
This has been another edition of Sabrina likes to find the fastest easiest approach to making food. Thank you.
Our lovely local grocery store bakery has been at it again, but this time with cute little cupcakes.
They have two different cupcake tiers out. This one is by far the most interesting of the two. It's got every animal you could possibly imagine for your safari wedding or kids party:There's pandas who apparently all moved to the jungle to be with the double mouthed monkeys and lions that really need to lay off the tan bed (pst, manes and spray tan don't mix.) Penguins inhabit the second to top tier of this cupcake tree to give this thing a little class. I think that makes them all angels to the god like oreo Panda up top.
But most disturbing hidden amongst all the funky animals sits a row of killer clowns. Sure they may all look jolly but I know they're secretly plotting the best way to get some lion skinned oversized pants and penguin floppy shoes.
Stupid little bugs. Why do they have to be the only thing some bacteria will eat?It's sticky and makes a huge mess when you weigh it out.
But most of all it just reeks. It's like someone took a beer & bread factory and then set it on fire. And good luck trying to get that smell out of your nose long after you've messed with it. Ever wanted to see what a 10% yeast solution looks like?If you get up to 15% the thing turns a yucky black. So won't you join me in a boycott of yeast and all yeast type products?
Oh wait, then we wouldn't get any bread. But I love bread. Um, slight change of policy.
Won't you join me in a boycott of bacteria that love to eat yeast such as e.coli? Thank you.
Now that I got that off my chest, more pretty flower/spring time: The blue flowers are probably my favorite. Can't imagine why. Ten seconds after this picture was taken that squirrel jumped right at me. Or it's the same squirrel that proceeded to scratch his head, I forget.
Excuse me while I go take my 5th rabies shot. They get so upset when you invade their nests looking for acorns.
Diclaimer or whatever: As I hope you are well aware by now I barely even own the few jokes on this page much less anything involving some kind of new wave media empire.
Seducing the Enemy
Mike::A step by step process brought to you by the same author of "How to Sleep Your Way to the Top" and "Morals? Who Needs Morals?"
Author: Lady Ashley
~*~*~ Draco Malfoy lay idly on his bed,
Servo::(Draco)Maybe I should give up my bullying ways? It’s obvious that all of my name-calling and threats are causing people inextinguishable pain. Nah!
I mean gazing at the crystal ball his late grandmother had given him,
Crow::Yeah that’s what I really meant forget all that idly crap.
called a Diviner.
Mike::It was the latest in diving rod technology, a ball used to find water instead of that old forked stick.
He used it to organize his thoughts;
Servo::(Draco)Okay file the terrorizing of that village under "L" and schedule another attempt to destroy Harry Potter for tomorrow.
the magical orb showed his main thoughts-the object,
Crow::(Draco)I must have that object.
and the feeling about the object, represented through colour.
Mike::And is there a large market for these crystal balls? Are a lot of wizards and witches throwing up their hands saying, "I’m just not sure how I should feel about something until it shows up as a certain color in an overgrown marble!"
Black meant hate or loathing;
Crow::As well as tre chic in the winter.
grey meant indifference; white meant love;
Servo::At least the palantir is more useful than this ungainly mood ring.
red meant anger;
Mike::Or that you had left your crystal ball in the oven again.
orange meant liking; green meant envy;
Crow::because as everyone knows you can only feel one emotion at a time.
blue meant sadness, and so on.
Servo::Periwinkle meant you had a vague feeling you should not have had that pizza last night and Mocha Java represented a deep respect for shag carpeting.
The swirling silver depths
Mike::Wait, what does silver mean? Crow::A deep hope that you will not have to be in any fanfics. Servo::Too bad.
revealed a familiar figure-Hermione Granger,
Crow::And she was secretly sneaking off with over half of the books in the public library. Mike::(Hermione)Stupid library and its rules, won’t let me check out more than twenty books at a time. They’ll regret the day they tangled with me.
and silver curtains pulled back to show deep black with angry red tendrils.
Servo::Then the nautilus surfaced and Captain Nemo fought valiantly against the hated Giant Red Squid.
Suddenly, he felt a little tugging on his feet.
Crow::(Draco)Stupid "thing" I guess I shouldn’t have tried to turn a watch into a dog. You’re worse than that cat/hat creature.
He sighed, and carefully packed away the delicate orb in his schoolbags.
Mike::As his book on monsters crunched happily on the crystal.
He hurriedly walked down the stairs, as the Summoning became more urgent.
Servo::Pulling his hair out by the clumpfulls and knocking two teeth out.
Lucius Malfoy Apparated at the foot of the stairs just as he reached them.
Crow::(Draco)Would you knock that off Dad! You were just in the kitchen. How hard is it to walk two feet without having the fear of appearing inside someone?
"What is it?" he sighed impatiently.
Mike::(Draco)I have to get back to being melancholy.
"What took you so long?" he snapped.
Servo::(Lucius)You know I’ve dedicated every moment to evil. You try explaining to my supervisor why I wasn’t being malevolent just now.
"And don't speak with that impertinent tone!
Crow::(Lucius)Try more of a saucy tone.
It is 'Father, pardon,
Mike::But I must be off ripping the wings off bugs.
but for which purpose have you summoned this lowly servant into your presence?'
Servo::(Draco)Isn’t that what Dobby’s supposed to say? Crow::(Lucius)Hey I spent almost two days thinking that greeting up, someone’s gonna use it.
Lord Voldemort would never permit such things.
Mike::But since he’s not here, who cares!
Straighten up!" He struck a sharp blow onto his back.
Crow::(Draco)Dad, why did you hit yourself? Servo::(Lucius)New implement by the Ministry of Magic, every time you say Voldemort’s name you have to hit yourself. Hand me that newspaper, son.
Draco hid a wince, knowing from experience that crying out or showing any sign of emotion would result in another blow.
Mike::(Lucius)Emotions are best left to Muggles and colorful balls.
"Father, pardon, but for which purpose have you summoned this lowly servant into your presence?"
Servo::(Lucius)Nah that’s not right. Maybe there was more of a quiver in the voice. Man do I miss that house-elf.
"Better. Slightly.
Crow::(Lucius)All Right. Look. I’ve been asked to hide this here. Shipment of Periods. That. Uh. Fell off a truck.
Wipe that insubordinate expression of your face.
Mike::Soldier and give me thirty push-ups.
The Dark Lord has a task for you."
Servo::He needs you to wash his car.
Draco raised a fair eyebrow.
Crow::And lowered his cheating eyebrow.
The Dark Lord rarely assigned "tasks" to those not bound to his service;
Mike::What with not wanting to get caught and destroyed and all. Servo::(Voldemort)I just knew it was a bad idea to give Dumbledore one of my most important tasks. New rule, next regime only tell those who are under our control our secret plans.
those without the Dark Mark
Crow::If Marky-Mark and Darth Vader had a baby.
tattooed onto his shoulder.
Mike::Instead the Dark Lord only assigned tasks to those tattooed with his favorite mark, a purple fairy frolicking in the mists.
Draco was practically a Death Eater,
Servo::So he’s a zombie?
being raised the son of one,
Crow::But so far Draco was just one belt below Death Eater and was stuck at Blueberry Pie Eater.
and the Mark would not be imbedded onto his shoulder until the end of his Hogwarts career,
Mike::After he gets kicked out of school, goes on a drinking binge, and crashes his broom through the Eiffel Tower.
when he was out of the sight of that fool Muggle-loving Dumbledore.
Servo::He can’t help it, he just loves people who buy lottery tickets and used cars from people named Crazy.
But it was looming ahead, as he was starting his seventh year in a week.
Crow::Of course ever since that rather large explosion in charms he hadn’t been able to remember the other six years and was going to have to repeat them all.
"The Dark Lord," he continued, "wishes for you to seduce the witch Hermione Granger,
Mike::Now now, there’s no need to call people names.
and then to discard you for the trash she is."
Servo::(Draco)Wait, why do I have to get a sex change Dad? Crow::(Lucius)Because it’s the only way I know how to discard you like trash.
Draco, having been trained not to show most emotion,
Mike::That’s what all of his mood objects were for.
almost slipped when he heard the task.
Servo::(Draco)I get to throw something away! Cool.
"This will result in her breaking,
Crow::All of your bones.
and that is one less piece of garbage we will have to worry about.
Mike::I cannot illustrate how much that one girl is like garbage.
It will not be hard for you,
Servo::Mr. Don Juan.
and although you would sully yourself with a Mudblood, you are growing to be my image,
Mike::So people will expect you to only date Mudblood’s at best.
and so are quite handsome-I saw some Pureblood witches practically panting over you,"
Crow::That was during Pavlov’s course while the bell was ringing.
he said amusedly. Draco managed a small grin.
Servo::(Draco)But Dad, why would the Dark Lord care about an 18 year old girl? Mike::(Lucius)We need someone on the inside. That’s why you’re going to kick Hermione out, get that sex change, and become the newest Gryffindor Girl.
"Since you are to be Head Boy and she Head Girl, you will be in close confines with her.
Servo::Look you don’t need to keep revving him up for the task. He’s an eighteen year old male. He heard the word "girl" and he was ready.
She is the head of the year,"
Crow::In the school’s production of Ichabod Crane. Mike::Poor Ron’s stuck starring as the Headless Horseman’s Horse.
Lucius gave him a sharp look,
Servo::(Lucius)I want you to be the foot of the year.
"due to your failings.
Crow::I knew it was stupid to try and bribe that damn poltergeist. Where was he going to keep the money anyway? His transparent pockets?
I cannot see how a Mudblood like her could be the head of the year," he muttered angrily,
Mike::As I just cheated and scammed my way through school. Now how do I turn your mother back from a chicken?
"but she is, and a powerful witch.
Servo::She could nag you to death if you didn’t finish your homework.
She is to be on of Dumbledore's most instrumental tools,
Crow::She’s going to act as his new chalk tray.
and the breaking of her will be a hurt into their side indeed.
Mike::Or you could just stab them in the side.
The Dark Lord expects this task to be completed,
Servo::Or he won’t let you get the blue key and pass to the next level.
as your final task in showing your loyalty to him."
Mike::By giving him back his beloved Mood Crystal Ball. Crow::(Draco)Fine, I never really wanted it anyway.
Draco nodded, he wanted to be a Death Eater more than anything.
Servo::I never knew the position of Zombie was so well respected. Mike::(Draco)Yum, rotting flesh.
Never mind Crouch,
Servo::He’d just claim another injury, skip out of another team, and pout on the sidelines. Crow::You do realize that the only people who will get that joke are Nebraska fans? Servo::Oh like that’s a lot better than your Pavlov mess.
he did not matter.
Mike::He was so unimportant, he didn’t even need an introduction.
HE would be the Dark Lord's right hand man,
Crow::I would never want to be an evil guy’s right hand man, you’re always the first to die the minute Bond shows up.
and would prove it to him.
Servo::By finally taking a bath.
He was slightly iffy about seducing the Mudblood though.
Mike::(Draco)Ah maybe I could just say I seduced her and throw some pudding at her or something.
He hated her, she was ALWAYS trying to be better,
Crow::Improving’s for losers.
trying to be perfect.
Servo::(Draco)Why can’t everyone be like me and try to fail at everything. Mike::Well at least he has Neville as one supporter.
HE was supposed to be the head of the year, not her.
Crow::That was what his horoscope had promised. Servo::Ah a Virgo let’s see, Today you shall be ordered to seduce a witch of questionable heritage that studies too much for her own well being.
He scowled, remembering the globe.
Mike::(Draco)When I said I wanted to own the world, I didn’t mean this Encyclopedia Britannica reject.
He must remember not to make his dislike so obvious if he was to go about attracting her.
Crow::Yeah girls do tend to not date you when you, their sworn enemy, starts scowling at them.
~*~*~ Malfoy subconsciously straightened his robe with a little spell
Servo::Because as everyone knows it’s so much easier to dig through your pockets for your wand, point it at yourself, and mumble something in Latin then simply pulling on the bottom of your robe.
as he got ready to perform Mission Impossible-
Mike::Your mission should you choose to accept it, you must sneak into Filtch’s office and make off with the latest copy of Harry Potter and the Franchise Shall Not Be Stopped.
entice Hermione Granger, his worst enemy.
Crow::Who gives a shit about Harry? It’s not like the series is named after him or anything.
He performed another spell,
Servo::To place his right foot forward, then his left. Mike::I’m really surprised his muscles haven’t atrophied by now.
a complicated trick that did not made him invisible;
Crow::Which was good as he was trying to conjure up a purple mouse instead.
instead unnoticeable.
Servo::So he became a nerd.
Crabbe and Goyle didn't know about his assignment;
Mike::They were still trying to figure out who the dish ran away with.
it was top secret.
Crow::Which was why Draco had only told about thirty people.
He blew a stray lock out of his face,
Servo::With his wand, which released a bunch of sparks from overuse and caused his hair to catch fire. Mike::(Pomfrey)Another wand exploded? I told you they need an oil change every 30,000 miles.
and opened the compartment door.
Crow::And as the Fat Lady was off chumming it up with the Mona Lisa and Bainsborough’s Blue Boy he didn’t need a password.
Inside was Potty and the Weasel, playing Wizard's Chess.
Servo::(Potty)Oh hi Draco. Mike::(Weasel)What’s up Draco? Your move Potty. Servo::(Potty)You know, I’m starting to regret this name change.
Hermione was sitting with a book covering her face.
Crow::(Hermione)Damn, I really thought that would work. Mike::(Ron)Give it up, you can’t learn by osmosis in the Muggle or the Wizarding world.
Just then, Weasel's pawn took Potter's king, in a violent smash.
Servo::Which was a real shocker as Potter was sitting clear across the room watching Potty and Weasel play.
Potter slumped in his seat as Weasley cheered.
Crow::(Ron)Ha ha my chess piece almost broke off your finger. Mike::You know I really would not want to play the Hogwarts version of Sorry. Crow::You could end up sliding clear across the room and through a few walls.
Suddenly, Potter looked up
Servo::(Harry)I sense danger! Mike::(Ron)Whatever you say Pumaman.
and spotted Malfoy who had dropped the spell as soon as the door closed behind him.
Crow::Which in retrospect was pretty stupid as he wasn’t supposed to be in there in the first place.
He muttered something to the flaming-haired beggar,
Servo::Poor Surtur has really hit the skids ever since the ‘80’s ended.
who visibly stiffened.
Mike::Gryffindor likes to keep a corpse around, for "practice."
He put a hand on his shoulder
Crow::You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out, you put your right hand in, and you shake it all about. Servo::(Harry)Oh no, the dreaded Hokey-Pokey spell!
to keep him from whirling around and snapping at him.
Mike::Draco refrained from turning Ron into an alligator.
Draco bit back a snide retort.
Crow::(Draco)I knew I shouldn’t have eaten Michael Moore’s book.
'Remember, you're supposed to attract the Mudblood, not repulse her.'
Servo::(Ron)Then maybe you should have put some pants on.
Weasley turned slowly in his seat.
Mike::(Ron)WHEEEEE! Faster, I want to go faster!
"What do you want, Malfoy?" he asked with a deadly calm.
Crow::Today we have a 99.9% chance of getting stuck in the eye of Hurricane Weasley.
Hermione chose that moment to stick a bookmark in her book,
Servo::You mean she didn’t just memorize the exact page she left off? Mike::As Neville ripped out the page in his book to remind him where he stopped.
'101 Complicated Potions'
Crow::Actually, it’s more like 57 potions. Servo::Yeah, the author got sick of writing half way through and just started to copy potions from earlier.
and give him a look.
Crow::(Draco)For me? But I didn’t get you anything. Mike::(Hermione)Take it, once my cauldron is done bubbling I won’t be needing it anymore.
Draco nearly gasped,
Servo::As the rest of the Gryffindors noticed that little worm in their dorm and dog piled on him.
she was astoundingly different,
Crow::She had her own set of horse legs and was covered in canary feathers. Mike::(Hermione)Don’t try to watch animal planet while studying spells.
reminiscent of that night at the fourth year Yule Ball.
Mike::When Draco had drunk some of the spiked punch and became so paranoid he hid in a suit of armor for three days.
Her frizzy, curly hair had straightened a little,
Crow::(Hermione)I knew it was stupid to help out that Magneto at the Statue of Liberty. Servo::No he said straightened not white. Crow::Shut up, it’s still funny.
and her hair was in a messy bun,
Mike::Sticky to be precise.
with a few strands framing her face.
Servo::That’s pretty bad when your own hair has turned against you.
She had light makeup on,
Crow::I wouldn’t want to trust makeup from Diagon alley. Mike::One wrong move and your face could vanish permenetly.
pronouncing her high cheekbones and full lips.
Servo::(Harry)Pst Ron, why has Draco been staring at Hermione for the past hour? Crow::(Ron)I don’t know but I can’t wait to see what she’s going to do to him. I hope she turns him into some type of small reptile, a skink perhaps.
The tastefully applied, light makeup was a joy to the eyes,
Mike::Somehow I don’t think Draco ever really wanted to grow up to be a wizard. Crow::(Draco)Ding-Dong, Avon calling.
a welcome change from the heavily- loaded,
Servo::Gun packing psychos that Draco was usually around.
makeup dripping face of Pansy Parkinson, who had been hanging around him ever since the fourth year Yule Ball.
Mike::(Pansy)Come on, when am I gonna get that money you promised. You said you’d give me ten Galleons if I went to that stupid ball with you, now fork it over.
He cursed the day he had asked her to the ball.
Crow::(Draco)Okay so far my mortal enemies are Hermione Granger, who I can’t seem to stop staring at, and a calendar.
She was always trying to persude him to make love to her,
Mike::AHHHHHHH!!! Crow::And you call this a children’s book?! Servo::For goodness sakes, decapitating Orcs is better than this!
but he refused,
Mike::Because it was gross. Crow::(Draco)Do you ever think you’re only going with girls because you’re supposed to?
refusing to lose his virginity to such a pig.
Servo::(Lucius)Draco, get out of that sty.
His eyes drew to hers, which were a dark brown, with golden flecks.
Crow::(Draco)Look there’s the snitch! Mike::(Harry)Poor devil, ever since he chased that golden winged ball straight into that electrical fence he just hasn’t been the same.
Those eyes were now glaring at him pointedly.
Servo::Because he’d spent the past few hours staring at an empty spot as Hermione went about her normal day. Now Seamus was sick of Draco giving him the eye.
He revived himself, shaking his head a bit.
Crow::Causing one of the bones in his ear to dislodge and puncture into his brain.
"Well?" she said in a light, musical voice.
Mike::(Hermione)Damn, I thought that stupid siren spell was supposed to have worn off by now.
"I-well, I-" he stammered, for the first time in his life lost for words.
Servo::At least as far as he could remember. Stupid memory charms and their tendency to backfire.
He had not thought much about hot
Crow::Instead he spent most of his days focusing on cool.
he was going to go about it.
Mike::Planning just like improving is for losers.
Then, suddenly, the Malfoy pride and calm took over.
Crow::As he sneered at Harry, made fun of the fact that his parents were dead and left the Gryffindor common room.
"I would like to apologize for being to cruel to you, Granger.
Mike::(Hermione)Ha ha ha oh my God, Ron you have to hear this. Servo::(Ron)What? Mike::(Hermione)The little ferret just apologized, he he, to me. Oh man my sides hurt. Servo::(Ron)What’s the matter little Dracky? Afraid big powerful witch Hermione’s gonna turn you into a toad? Would you just get out of here. Crow::(Draco)Uh . . . Mike::(Hermione)Oh great, he’s stuck again.
We all need to work together to beat Voldemort," he said smoothly.
Servo::(Neville)Really? That’s great because I’ve been working on my freezing spell all day, see watch. Crow::(Draco)What? Not you you little . . . Servo::(Neville)Whoops, maybe you should start thinking about hot now.
~*~*~ (Hermione's POV) I wasn't terribly surprised
Mike::People break into magically locked rooms all the time.
when Malfoy came to our compartment,
Servo::And stared at me for three hours straight while Harry and Ron made goofy faces behind his back.
because he did it every year.
Crow::Every year he would apologize to you and claim he wanted to kill He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? I’m starting to get a bad feeling we’re stuck in a time loop.
What I was surprised at was his change of appearance.
Mike::(Hermione)For some reason he decided to forgo a shirt in favor of painting himself olive green and had a floor length skirt on. Crow::(Draco)I’m the screaming leprechaun. AHHHH!!!
The scrawny shoulders were gone,
Servo::Now his shoulders were attached to his body by a new hipbone. Crow::The better question is whom he stole that hip from.
replaced by well-built shoulders,
Servo::Formed of a mitrhil and steel alloy.
and apparent well-defined biceps,
Mike::Did a butcher get a hold of Malfoy and diagram out all his body parts? Crow::Now here in the chest is where we remove the brisket meat, and of course the most expensive is the loin running down the back.
from what I could tell, under his cloak.
Servo::(Ron)What in the hell are you wearing? What happened to your robes? Crow::(Draco)I’m Batman! Wheeeee. Mike::(Harry)I am very glad I ended up in Gryffindor house, ever since that asbestos leak none of the Slytherins have been the same.
His fair hair, usually slicked back, was spiked slightly;
Servo::Oh so Malfoy’s into pub-rock now. Crow::(Malfoy)Someone play Tub Thumping!
in the same fashion,
Mike::As a porcupine.
I noted amusedly, that most Muggle seventeen-year old guys wore.
Servo::Only teenagers would feel the need to model fashion statements after a small mammal’s natural defense. Crow::I hear the next thing to catch on is to grab your Big Mac and fries, waddle down to a stream, and wash it repeatedly before eating.
Ron's eyes nearly bulged out when Malfoy apologized,
Mike::(Ron)I knew there was something wrong with that Chocolate Frog. Servo::(Harry)Hit the deck, his eyes are about to blow!
and Harry looked quite suspicious.
Crow::If you had been plagued by constant death threats like Harry you’d have a serious psychological episode too. Servo::(Harry)Trust no one. They’re all out to get me. Can’t sleep. Gonna die.
I myself was very on guard.
Mike::(Hermione)So I took a summer job as a Beefeater, and that’s why I have this cool hat.
This was crazy.
Mike::How could prices possibly be this low.
Malfoy, the guy who had been tormenting me throughout my Hogwarts career,
Crow::As well as Snape, a Troll, Lockhart, that Basilisk, Dementors, Voldemort, you know you might actually want to sit down for this.
was APOLOGIZING?
Servo::Really? Because no matter how many times you say it we’re never going to believe you!
"I don't believe you," I heard myself say.
Crow::At least I think it was myself, although I did kind of sound like a small gumball machine with ineffective arms.
The effect was quite amusing.
Mike::(Hermione)I always love it when I say things against my own will. Makes me feel myself smile every time.
Malfoy looked stunned. I suppose no one had ever refused him in his life.
Servo::Yeah that’s why Harry had willingly joined up with Malfoy’s evil forces from the first moment they met. Oh wait.
"What?" was all he could say.
Crow::So he couldn’t apologize then? I’m getting lost.
"I said," I said
Servo::that I said, I said.
slowly,
Mike::(Hermione)That you remind me of a white vole trying to disguise himself as a porcupine for Halloween. Crow::(Ron)No you didn’t. Mike::(Hermione)Don’t get me started on you Fury.
"that I do not believe you.
Servo::As I actually have a brain cell in my head.
And why should I? You've tormented me for my whole life.
Crow::(Hermione)Ever since I was two.
This could just be a ploy to trick me and my friends."
Mike::Trying to be civil and all, nothing could be more evil.
A spasm of what looked suspiciously like-fear?
Servo::Or was it the new Bertie Bott’s Flavor Laxative bean?
-passed fleetingly across his face, until the trademark calm mask slid in.
Mike::Get yer Draco Malfoy masks! No matter what type of emotional calamity you are in just slip ‘em on and watch as everyone runs shrieking from the room.
"I assure you, Granger, that I am not lying."
Crow::(Draco)I am incapable of lying, ha ha, no really, *snort* I’ve never told a lie in my life. Servo::(Harry)Well as I have never been able to refuse him I have to agree. Mike::(Ron)You know for never being able to say anything Draco sure does talk a lot.
"Swear it on the crest of Slytherin," I said calmly,
Crow::(Draco)All right fine, I swear that the crest of Slytherin isn’t lying.
meeting his quicksilver eyes.
Servo::He has a teenage ghost living in his eyes? Mike::Man suddenly Myrtle’s gig is looking up.
His mouth hung slightly open, as a silent protest came from his mouth.
Crow::(Draco)I don’t wanna swear, you can’t make me you filthy bastards.
"As you cannot prove you aren't lying,
Servo::One of us always lies, the other always tells the truth choose wisely. Mike::Okay, no Labyrinth jokes. There’s already enough fantasy in here.
I suggest that you leave the way you came,"
Crow::As opposed to jumping out the window of a speeding train and rolling off a cliff. Servo::Hermione must be in a forgiving mood today.
I said, inclining my head at the door.
Mike::Because her hands were too busy conjuring up a spell to tie her shoelaces.
He swallowed, fair brows knitting.
Crow::The sun is high in the sky, I am restless.
"I swear," he said, placing his hand on the crest of Slytherin on his cloak,
Servo::So he put his hand on his back? Mike::(Ron)Quick Hermione, make him swear on his trousers. Crow::(Harry)No his shoes, go for the shoes.
"that I am not
Servo::not.
lying." I smiled sweetly at him, and he performed his trademark smirk.
Mike::At the London playhouse.
I soon wiped it off.
Crow::Ever since that Etch-a-Sketch accident, it’s been real easy to wipe Malfoy’s face.
"That was nice. Now, get out." Ron snorted, Harry sniggered.
Servo::Draco laughed, no wait.
Malfoy's mouth hung open in surprise. He was obviously expected
Mike::(Draco)Excuse me Madam for I am expected in the next compartment for a small game of wisp. I duff my hat to you and take my leave.
a weak-kneed fainting girl.
Crow::(Draco)Actually the sex change isn’t supposed to take place until I get rid of you, oops. Too much information, forget I just told you the Dark Lord’s orders. Servo::(Harry)Okay.
As if!
Mike::(Hermione)That’s what Harry’s here for. Crow::(Harry)Ha ha, hey.
~*~*~
~*~*~ Finally, the scarlet train pulled up to the great castle.
Servo::After taking a jaunt through the Forbidden Forest, flattening Hagrid’s shack, and terrorizing the giant squid in the lake.
The three friends were still snickering when they got off.
Mike::Man I never knew half Giants could run so fast. Crow::And those centaurs, oh boy were they freaked out when we started training in on ‘em. Servo::Did you see the merpeople swearing at us outside the windows? What a riot.
They waved to Hagrid,
Mike::who was visibly shaken after his new near death experience. Crow::(Hagrid)I’d always known I couldn’ be trusted around technology. Remember back when my hand had gotten stuck in that toaster?
who was packing first years onto the chilly lake.
Servo::(Hagrid)All right, that’s it. Everyone keep walking into the lake. Mike::(Harry)What are you doing? Servo::(Hagrid)We had a terribly dry year last spring, so Dumbledore ordered me to fill this here lake with bodies until the water line was back to normal.
"My God, Hermione, I can't believe you just told Malfoy to go away-just like that!" Ron chortled.
Crow::Ron’s a little slow today. Mike::(Hermione)Well I’m glad you enjoyed that and all Ron but that was almost three hours ago . . . hey what happened to my time traveling watch? Harry?! Servo::(Harry)He he he.
~*~*~ When everyone filed into the Great Hall,
Crow::The newest Dark Arts teacher, who was nothing more than a leg an eye and part of a hand, spotted Harry and drug him away on trumped up charges. Mike::(Hermione)You know after seven years you’d think we’d learn to never let Harry wander off alone with the newest professor who no doubt has some evil plot in mind for him. Oh well.
including the thoroughly chilled first-years,
Servo::(First year 1)Yeah I was traveling in the second boat with this large guy covered in tattoos when suddenly this huge white whale surfaced and the guy went nuts. We almost capsized. Crow::(First year 2)Really? All we did was accidentally discover Atlantis. Servo::(First year 1)Better luck next time.
the Sorting began.
Mike::(McGonagall)All right look, the Sorting hat is sick and tired of you people browbeating and questioning his decisions and has quit. So from now on we’re going to use this sorting mace. Just club yourself in the face to make it work.
As Hermione had seen five of these already, she sat back,
Crow::Jeering and catcalling all the scared eleven year olds on stage.
contemplating Malfoy's so called "apology".
Mike::(Hermione)Maybe by doubting my own simple decisions for eternity I will be able to score some more points for Gryffindor.
Dumbledore stood up, jolting Hermione out of her reverie.
Servo::(Dumbledore)I’ve only got one thing to say, I’ve got a live wombat living under my hat. Thank you. Crow::(Snape)He is getting weirder and weirder with every passing day. Servo::(Dumbledore)Let’s all go slip-and-sliding down the great hall!
"Welcome, welcome everyone!
Mike::Now get the hell out.
I hope your heads haven't gotten TOO empty over the summer!
Crow::(Dumbledore)Sorry Nearly Headless Nick.
So, now I would like to announce the Head Girl and Boy!
Servo::(Dumbledore)Because even though I have never done this any previous year it seems to be important to certain people’s plots.
The Head Girl is an exemplary student,
Mike::(Dumbledore)Because the Neo-Nazis over here wouldn’t let me choose the worst male student to be head girl.
who also helps other students in their academics,
Crow::That is to say if those other students have very red hair or a lightning shaped scar on their foreheads.
and also participates in some," he coughed lightly, "unusual activities.
Servo::You know, bathing in blood by the pale moonlight.
Please applaud.
Mike::(Dumbledore)Or I’ll turn you all into headless snakes! Sorry again Nick.
Hermione Granger!" Hermione let out an excited squeal.
Crow::(Hermione)Me, why I never knew. You like me, you really like me. Servo::(Harry)Hasn’t she known about this since the middle of summer? Mike::(Ron)Yes and if I have to hear her practice one more acceptance speech I’m gonna scream!
She walked up to the table, blushing.
Crow::As everyone else glared at her, waiting for her to get off the damn stage so they could eat.
She accidentally caught a glance at Draco Malfoy who was being panted over by Pansy Parkinson, and nearly gagged at the sight.
Mike::(Hermione)I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that chocolate frog. Harry and Ron were laughing way too hard for it to have been anything good.
"And now, let me have the pleasure of introducing our Head Boy,
Servo::(Dumbledore)Ludo Bagman. Crow::What? Servo::(Dumbledore)I mean uh Professor Snape. Mike::(Hagrid)Are yeh all right sir? Servo::(Dumbledore)Am I even close?
another great student, and who participates in many athletic activities-
Crow::Of course since we only have one I guess it’s not really that difficult.
Draco Malfoy!"
Mike::(Dumbledore)Thanks to him we now have a new Squash court. What? Oh right, play down the whole bribe thing.
Hermione's jaw went slack and Ron nearly fell out of his seat.
Servo::(Ron)I found my dropped butter pat.
"MALFOY IS HEAD BOY?" Ron squeaked.
Crow::Apparently Harry had used this distraction in order to sneak into the Forbidden Forrest to destroy the Minotaur that was trying to take over the world, or something. Servo::The Minotaur? Crow::Shut up!
Draco was looking quite smug.
Crow::Oh no, no Smaug jokes. You already had your chance. Servo::Damn.
Hermione was absolutely horrified.
Mike::You mean they now not only have house-elves working as slaves but also leprechauns, dwarves, gnomes, and they shipped in some Orcs from the east?
She moaned, and put her head on her hands. "I'm DOOMED."
Crow::(Hermione)I knew I should have killed him last year, but oh no Harry had to stop me. Servo::(Harry)Hey I’m supposed to do everything he tells me and he told me to stop you. I don’t see a way around it.
~*~*~ Malfoy glanced at Hermione as he walked back from accepting the pin,
Mike::(Hermione)Oh no I’m going down! Crow::(Harry)Wait I’m confused, why did Dumbledore just stick a bowling pin to her? Servo::(Dumbledore)Because I’m insane! WHEEEE!!
and her head was on her hands.
Mike::(Ron)Ah, Hermione’s head just fell off! Crow::(Nick)Lucky devil.
She looked like she was in pain,
Servo::As Draco stabbed her with his fork. Crow::(Draco)What? Oh right, stabbing her won’t make Hermione date me. Got it.
or something.
Mike::Actually she was giggling insanely as her new pet tribble tried to jump out of her pocket. Ron’s just not very good with emotions.
He gave a disgusted look at Pansy
Servo::Since she was holding up a rather large mirror. Crow::(Draco)I love the way my lip curls when I sneer at people. Hello in there.
as she simpered and nearly drooled,
Mike::(Pansy)I knew I shouldn’t have let the dentist numb my entire jaw for one little cavity.
patting the seat beside her suggestively.
Servo::Too bad the seat was really Crookshanks. Mike::MEEEOOOOWWW! Crow::(Draco)Okay okay, don’t sit on her cat. I got it.
"C'mon, Head Boy!"
Mike::Let’s see what you’re made of. Servo::You know it’s really not nice to call pubescent teenage males "Head Boy." Crow::Wasn’t that your nickname in high school Nelson? Mike::I’m watching you.
Why? Why did he have to ask her to the Yule Ball?
Servo::Why couldn’t his father accept that he really wanted to ask Crabbe.
Ever since, she had been clinging to him like.
Crow::Kudzu? Mike::Zebra Muscles? Servo::Someone who can’t even finish his own sentence?
he didn't KNOW anything
Crow::(Da Vinci)All right I’m done proving Sir Isaac Newton’s theories of gravity ad infinity, now let’s go on to prove how empty Draco’s mind is.
clingier than Pansy.
Servo::(Sam)In my own gardening experience I have found that most vines are in fact clingier than a simple pansy.
He instead sat between Crabbe and Goyle,
Crow::(Draco)You; Crabmeat, Goiter move the hell over or I’ll have your parents killed.
who weren't much better.
Mike::Than a root canal. Servo::(Pansy)Speak for yourself. *Slurp*
They were talking in low voices,
Crow::(Crabbe)So then see, the cat came out of the hat and said all the kids were going to play instead of clean up like their mother said. Mike::(Goyle)Wow, then what happened.
and glancing at Hermione-like-like
Crow::(Draco)Like I still don’t know what. Servo::(Dumbledore)Draco would you please stop creating analogies of everything in this room and shut your mouth. Crow::(Draco)Dumbledore was like, like, as if, a like . . . I give up.
she was a cut of meat or something.
Mike::I’d like a pound of brisket, two pounds of loin, oh and a side of Hermione please.
He leaned in to hear their whispers.
Servo::Which was rather odd because he was sitting in between them. Mike::(Crabbe)Ouch boss, do you have to keep banging your head into mine? Your ear’s almost in my mouth. Crow::(Goyle)Yeah.
"The Mudblood sure has cleaned up, hasn't she?"
Servo::(Crabbe)I wish we could figure out how to. Crow::(Snape)You’re telling me? You should try smelling you guys with a nose like this.
Crabbe said predatorily.
Mike::Somehow it doesn’t surprise me that in the future Crabbe will be registering himself as a sex offender.
"Yeah," Goyle grunted, licking his lips.
Crow::(Goyle)Why do these castles have to have such low humidity? My poor lips can’t take this heat.
Malfoy recoiled in disgust.
Servo::He was the one who wanted to wet those lips. Mike::Are you quite done? Servo::No.
He knew them well enough to know what they planned.
Crow::would have no way of working out. Servo::If you re-arrange the letters in their names you’ll come up with Rube Goldberg. Mike::R-G-U? No you won’t.
And it was defintley NOT good.
Servo::And would end in at least five deaths. Crow::(Draco)Should be fun to watch though.
~*~*~ A few days later, Hermione walked through the shadowed halls,
Mike::(Hermione)I know my classroom is somewhere around here. Damn it! Why do you walls have to keep shifting? Someone could get trapped in here. Servo::(Ron)You know I don’t think I’ve seen Neville for almost a week now. Crow::(Voice in walls)Help! Help me.
clutching her things to her chest.
Mike::I’m sure her cat really loved that.
She suddenly saw some movement in the shadows, and a quiet curse. She giggled,
Servo::(Hermione)I love it when people swear at me.
and said, "Harry! Ron! Come out, I know you're there!" But there was no answer.
Crow::Hello and if you are joining us for the first time, Hogwart’s International Game of Hide and Seek has just hit its third hour. Currently Miss Hermione Granger is the one who is "it." Join us at eleven for another update.
Her brows creased and all of a sudden two very large figures leaped onto her.
Mike::(Hagrid)Hermione, I’m so sorry. I ne’er meant for them hares to get loose. Servo::(Hermione)Hagrid why do you have twenty foot tall pink rabbits? Mike::(Hagrid)Er, Easter gift?
She caught a glimpse of squished faces and heavy builds,
Crow::It was the dreaded Pugogriff. Servo::Anyone else get the feeling that the Forbidden Forrest is really just a front for the Island of Dr. Moreau?
and instantly knew who her assailants were.
Mike::As she was now staring at them.
"Crabbe! Goyle! Get off of me, now!" she screamed.
Crow::And stop eating that peanut butter and onion sandwich just on culinary principal alone.
She grabbed frantically for her wand,
Servo::(Harry)So Ron what do you wanna do first with Hermione’s wand? Mike::(Ron)I dunno . . . wait, let’s play pick-up-sticks!
but they had already removed her cloak-and her shirt.
Crow::Which she kept in her trunk along with all of her Muggle clothes when she wore her robes. Mike::(Hermione)Are you quite done? Servo::(Crabbe)Sorry but we were put in charge of contraband search. You got any alcohol in this here shampoo bottle? Mike::(Hermione)Why don’t you drink it and find out.
She shrieked even louder as they went for her jeans.
Crow::(Hermione)No, I’ve got my Gameboy hidden in there! Servo::(Ron)Gameboy? Crow::(Hermione)What? No one can study all the time.
Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice called out,
Mike::(Filch)Oh Jesus, I knew they’d snap their chains and break free. I swear Dumbledore is too forgiving to you two. All right, let’s move along.
"Petrificus Totalus!"
Servo::Be careful where you’re aiming that. Crow::One wrong move and we could end up with another Petrified Forest.
~*~*~ (Malfoy's POV)
Mike::(Author)Because Hermione’s really wasn’t doing it for me.
As soon as I had performed the spell,
Servo::Harry and Ron came around the corner and freaked out as their clothes did a little dance in the hall. Crow::(Harry)I knew it was gonna be bad after we watched that old movie "Bed Knobs and Broomsticks" in history class.
Crabbe and Goyle fell from Hermione, stiff and surprised.
Mike::As their combined weight crushed her legs.
As they could still see in their petrified state, I had used nearly the last of my pre-made Polyjuice Potion-it lasted for an hour,
Servo::(Hermione)P-p-professor Flitwick? What are you doing here? And why do you have three foot arms? Crow::(Draco)Um, gotta go.
but I had used up forty-five minutes of the sixty,
Mike::Scaring the crap out of some first years. I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they take their first Charms class.
and time was running out.
Servo::(Harry)Hey Draco you lied to me, there wasn’t any ice cream in that painting. Crow::(Draco)Just go back and look again. Servo::(Harry)Can do. Mike::(Hermione)Did he just call you Draco, Professor? Crow::(Draco)I um I’ve got a lot of names.
I dragged Hermione into a dark corner, and threw her clothes.
Mike::(Hermione)Are you quite finished? Crow::(Draco)Watch! It goes up and then falls back done! Mike::(Hermione)You know what, you keep it. I can always buy another T-shirt.
"Get them on, quickly, and let's go," I told her gruffly.
Servo::(Draco)An enigmatic woodsman’s after me. Mike::Hey doll derry ol, merry ol terry ol where did you hide little et ol?
She scrambled to get them on,
Servo::(Shirt)All right we’re gonna run something outta the play book. Crow::(Jeans)How about the flea flicker? I like the flea flicker. Servo::(Socks)How about you shut up you holy piece of . . . Crow::Oh yeah, at least I don’t drag scary fantasy characters in yellow boots into this story. Servo::I think I’ve had about all I can stand of you. Mike::Fellas, fellas. We’re here to not enjoy this story not kill each other. Now come on, shake on it.
tears in her eyes, her slight body shaking.
Crow::(Draco)Oh how do you get your hair to have so much body? Is it a special mousse or a new conditioner? I simply must know. Mike::(Hermione)Would you just pick up your dropped make-up kit and get out of here.
As soon as she had done,
Servo::the deed. Mike::(Harry)So we’ll never talk about this again? Crow::(Draco)Agreed. Mike::(Harry)You know I’m starting to think burying Ron alive really wasn’t that nice. Crow::(Draco)No you don’t. Mike::(Harry)Oh right, no I don’t.
I dragged her back to the dormitory in front of the sleeping statue.
Servo::Which was a lot better than that screaming statue that sits right outside the Ravenclaw dormitories. Mike::Those poor people never get a wink of sleep.
"Are you okay?" I asked curtly. She nodded,
Crow::(Draco)Damn it, you’re supposed to be severely mortified and have no more will power. All right Crabbe, Goyle we’re gonna have to do this again!
shivering, sniffling.
Mike::(Hermione)Oh hi Peeves, *AHHCCCHHOO* Can you pass me my Claritin? I hate being allergic to ghosts.
"I-I'm fine," she managed a small smile.
Servo::As she tried to keep her lunch down as she looked at Draco.
"If not for you, I would have lost mental state,
Crow::(Hermione)Error 356 has been performed. Brain shutting down.
my hopes and dreams, my,"
Mike::Surround sound entertainment center.
she paused, and blushed,
Servo::(Hermione)You know, I’m not feeling so good. Crow::(Draco)Harry, I told you to wait and not give her that puking pastille until after I had ineffectively saved her. Mike::(Harry)Oh right, sorry master.
"my virginity.
Servo::Record label. Crow::Next week we release the new single from Hermione and the Grangeretes. Mike::(Ron)Why do we have to dress up in purple spandex jumpsuits. Servo::(Harry)Shut your trap, or the boss’ll fire us again.
I can't thank you enough. . .
Crow::(Hermione)For setting all this up and putting me through serious psychological damage. Mike::Ha, at last Harry’s not the only one with people who want to kill him.
Please, let me compensate you. . ." I managed not to snort.
Crow::(Draco)I knew I should have checked to make sure what species that hair was. Servo::(Hermione)Wait until I tell everyone I was saved by a pig.
What was that Muggle-born pauper going to give me that I already didn't have?
Mike::A heart? Crow::(Draco)No I have three of those in my secret cooler.
But it turned out that it wasn't a monetary reward.
Servo::Instead she delivered a hard swift kick to his shins and connected her fist with his face. Mike::(Hermione)That’s for plotting against me, and this is just because.
She smiled weakly,
Crow::Then the Fat Lady swung open and Harry and Ron poked their heads out. Mike::(Ron)Jeez Hermione what’s been taking you so long? You left to poison Crabbe and Goyle almost an hour ago. Crow::(Hermione)I know but this idiot here froze them and I had to stop.
and then came up on her tiptoes to give me a soft kiss.
Mike::Oh so that’s how Hermione pulls off the grades she gets. Servo::(Hermione)I’ll see you later Professor. Crow::You are terrible.
I, of course, had been kissed before,
Mike::As everyone knows that’s the first part to Apperating. First you have to find someone, anyone off the street, kiss them, and then you can disappear. Servo::(Ron)And I had to apperate right next to that men’s shelter, yuck.
by that oaf Pansy.
Crow::Better than getting kissed by a dragon. Servo::(Legolas)Tell me about it.
But this-this was nothing like that bruising spittle.
Mike::It was more like getting kissed by a stinging nettle.
~*~*~ It was gentle, yielding,
Crow::It was based upon the bed technology designed for the astronauts.
empowering sensual,
Servo::Exactly how powerful do you want the word sensual to be? Mike::Look out, sensual’s seized Brazil and half of the Baltic!
and wonderful. It might sound like that gooey corny crap,
Crow::No that’s what it sounds like when you kiss a feedlot steer’s butt. Servo::First pigs now cows, Draco? Man your family really needs to throw you an intervention.
but it was like fireworks, a million stars shooting in her head.
Mike::(Hermione)Ah, my scar’s burning! Crow::(Harry)Knock it off, that’s all I have left. Servo::(Ron)Actually that was just my wand, I forgot I’d put it in your hair for safe keeping.
They broke away regretfully, and Draco whispered to her,
Mike::Is she turning into an owl now. Servo::Why not, just about everyone there is an animagi.
She wondered who it could be.
Crow::Maybe you should have tried, I don’t know, asking him.
As he hurried off into the hallway,
Mike::Throwing all the clothes out of her trunk into the air, whooping it up.
she thought she saw a glimpse of silver-blonde-but,
Servo::Why did Draco just save her with no pants on? Crow::I don’t know but he must be a Raiders fan if his butt was silver.
no, the mystery man who had saved her was brown haired.
Mike::(Hermione)Curse my color blindness!
She slowly slid down the wall onto the floor,
Servo::Because why would she want to report this to a professor or anything.
sobbing as the memories flooded back to her.
Crow::(Hermione)I can’t believe I touched Draco! Ah must get the filth off me!
~*~*~ Draco dashed down the hall,
Mike::Singing at the top of his lungs. Crow::(Draco)The best things in life are free, but you can give ‘em to the birds and bees. I need money, that’s what I want.
feeling the Polyjuice Potion wearing off. He was still shell shocked
Servo::I never knew Draco fought in World War II. Mike::How many years was he held back?
from the kiss he had with Hermione.
Crow::Don’t you mean Professor Flitwick? Servo::He went through all that just to start a rumor that Hermione is nothing more than a teachers pet. Mike::I’d hate to be Hagrid’s.
He turned into an empty classroom as the transformation happened.
Crow::Too bad it was actually 9:00 in the morning and an entire Charms class of first years watched horrified as their Charms teacher twisted and grew into some silver haired nut. Servo::(Flitwick)I am never going to win them back.
When it was finally done, he turned back and strode to his dormitory.
Crow::(Draco)I must simply write this night down in my diary.
He found her still sobbing in a corner by the statue of the first Head Boy and Girl.
Mike::When in the hell did Hermione get there? Servo::Well Crabbe and Goyle had crushed her legs so she was left to crawl her way to the infirmary.
"What happened, Granger?" he asked coldly.
Crow::(Draco)Because I obviously have no idea what my two henchmen were up to this night as I was studying all by myself in the library. Yes that should do it.
She glared at him, an amusing picture,
Mike::(Hermione)Why do you have a two foot long nose? Servo::(Draco)Damn it, I was afraid that was my Snape polyjuice potion.
as she was glowering at him through puffy red eyes on the ground.
Crow::Did she go a few rounds with one of the suits of armor after he left or something?
She stood up, and stalked past him,
Mike::(Hunter)We have to watch our steps tonight, a Hermione is on the hunt.
and whispered the password-"ardour"- and swept into the common room.
Servo::And the portal slammed shut on Malfoy’s fingers. Crow::(Hermione)Should have moved faster idiot.
He watched, astounded, as she walked into the common room,
Mike::Actually I am too, seeing as how she had her femur crushed by those stone giants.
and promptly sat down at her desk by the fireside, and began her homework.
Servo::When did the Fat Lady have a window installed in her portrait?
"You're astounding," he said.
Crow::(Draco)Just thought I’d say that, good night. Mike::(Harry)Hermione, you’re getting real good at that Cheering Charm.
"You're on the ground, sobbing your heart out,
Servo::Planning the complete and utter destruction of Crabbe and Goyle.
and the next minute you're doing your homework as if nothing happened."
Crow::(Hermione)I think the better question is why you keep insisting on breaking into any locked compartment or room I am in? Now if you don’t leave the Gryffindor dormitories I shall be forced to do something that could land me in Azkaban for a long time.
If looks could kill, he'd be lying dead as surely if she had performed the killing curse on him.
Mike::(Hermione)That’s what that kiss was supposed to do. Now I’m in here looking up exactly how long it takes before he keels over dead.
"Nothing," she said deliberately and icily,
Servo::As she munched on a popsicle and then threw the stick at Draco’s head.
"happened. It's none of your business."
Crow::Seeing as how I hate and despise you.
"Yeah. Right. You know I'm going to keep bugging you 'till you tell me."
Servo::(Draco)Because as everyone knows I have always cared about all of your problems. Mike::(Draco)You gonna tell me now? Huh huh? How about now? Come on big baby, why were you crying in the hall. Spill your deep dark secrets to me so I can blab them to everyone in the school.
Her eyes smouldered, and she said quite calmly,
Crow::For the last time you and your Slytherin buddies are not allowed in this dormitory now get out before I blast you back into the 5th century!
"Though it's none of your damn business, if you want to know, I was
Mike::thinking about knitting a sweater for Crookshanks. There now you know my deep dark secret, are you happy? Crow::(Draco)That didn’t quite go the way I planned.
nearly raped. Now, good-night." She stood up, and picked up her books,
Servo::And threw them into the fire. Mike::(Hermione)At last I have an excuse to quit school and go on to my true passion, rearranging scraps of yarn by color, texture, and size! Crow::(Draco)Why do the Death Eaters care about you again?
and marched up the stairs, and slammed the door.
Servo::Which was a bit of a hint for Draco. Too bad he’s too stupid to get it.
Even though Draco knew full well what had happened,
Mike::He should seeing as how he planned the whole thing.
he was still surprised that she had stated the matter so coolly and matter-of-factly.
Crow::Why, was he expecting her to reminisce warmly about it? Servo::Here’s hoping Ron doesn’t get on her nerves tomorrow, she’s sure to blow his head clean off.
He blinked, and trudged slowly up the stairs, shaking his head. "Girls," he muttered.
Mike::(McGonagall)Malfoy? What in Merlin’s beard are you doing in this dormitory? Crow::(Draco)Girls? Mike::(McGonagall)Mr. Malfoy, you cannot use that excuse for everything. Now get out of the girls dorms before I sick my new blast-ended skreet after you.
~*~*~ When Hermione was sure that Draco was asleep,
Servo::As she poked him continuously in the ribs with her wand. Mike::(Hermione)Are you asleep yet? How ‘bout now? Now? Crow::(Draco)It would be a lot easier to sleep if you weren’t bruising me.
she slid slowly out of her bed, stuck on her slippers,
Servo::Then she remembered that she didn’t have any slippers. Mike::(Dobby)Would Mistress Granger mind taking her foot out of my mouth?
and tiptoed out of her room into the hallway connecting her and Draco's room.
Crow::(Hermione)Stupid new Ministry Rule, next thing you know we’re going to have to bunk with all our professors. Servo::(McGonagall)Miss Granger would you kindly keep your voice down. Mike::(Binns)Hey some of us are trying to stay dead here!
She hesitated outside of his door-was this right? Yes, she decided.
Crow::Of course, the Gryffindor girls dorm had always been connected to the Slytherin boys. It made the most logical sense.
She needed to know he was her saviour.
Servo::Every night Hermione would sneak down to the Hogwarts chapel and talk to the large crucifix hanging behind the pulpit. Mike::(Hermione)So anyway where did we last leave off, oh right I just wish Lavender would pick up her toiletries. I mean who wants to touch her skanky toothbrush?
She had contemplated this lying in bed,
Crow::(Hermione)Should I use my black or silver quill for History tomorrow?
putting all the pieces together.
Mike::(Hermione)Hurry Harry, I can hear someone coming. Servo::(Harry)Hey I wasn’t the one who blasted Ron into a million pieces. Crow::(Ron)I feel funny. Why don’t I have any legs?
From that flash of blond hair,
Servo::I knew Legolas was stalking me again. Legolas::Please, I am so very tired. Just leave me out of this. Servo::Um, okay.
and glint of silver in his eyes,
Crow::For the last time Malfoy you don’t have to worry about being mugged so stop swallowing your silver!
to being the only person besides the duo themselves, Crabbe and Goyle who would know about the planned incident,
Mike::(Hermione)How, how did Malfoy learn that I was a plant from Voldemort and it was my job to spy on Potter?
to his slightly breathless appearance at the statue
Servo::Malfoy’s put on about two hundred pounds since last summer. Crow::He’s hoping to play the Wizarding version of rugby, where people play against trolls and giants.
to his suspiciously persistent manner in bring out the truth fro
Mike::Fro-yo? Servo::Fro-do? Crow::Fro-ggert?
her.
Mike::(Hermione)Of course he was caught in the portal door so maybe he was just making conversation until Filtch could get the jaws of life to get him out.
She needed to find the last piece,
Servo::Before she could finish her model of the Millennium Falcon.
and she was positive it was in his room.
Crow::(Hermione)Bastard, I knew he took my cat. Mike::You know Malfoy should be careful, the last time he tangled with Hermione he came away with a bloody nose.
So, she cast a spell of Silence onto the door,
Servo::Oh, so she oiled the hinges.
and opened it ever so precariously.
Crow::Why? If it had a silence spell on it, she could have just thrown it open and skipped down the hall.
She peeked in and slid silently into the room.
Mike::Then Hermione quickly remembered that she was still in the Gryffindor common room and was instead standing in the boys dormitory. Servo::(Ron)Her-mione? Ah it’s 2 in the morning, we’ll get some homework tomorrow, I promise. Now go back to sleep.
She glanced around, feeling something was wrong,
Crow::Like maybe the fact that time and space just shifted around her. Mike::That always gives me a feeling of vertigo.
but she couldn't put her finger on it.
Servo::As the last bit of Ron was racing across the room. Crow::(Ron)Ah forget it, who needs a colon anyway.
So she tiptoed around the room, glancing.
Mike::Which didn’t really amount to much as there were no lights on.
She had almost given up when she spotted a glint from the moonlight on what could only be glass.
Servo::(Hermione)Wow, they get a window! Crow::(Lavender)Hermione, why are you wandering around our room again? Go back to bed.
A foul smell filled her nostrils that was all too familiar.
Mike::Malfoy liked to keep old mayonnaise jars under his bed. Crow::(Draco)It makes me pretty. Servo::(Hermione)Uh-huh.
"A Polyjuice Potion," she whispered, rubbing the smooth glass.
Mike::Which was really weird as she was five feet across the room. Servo::(Hermione)Space, stop shifting!
It was almost gone, except for one foul dose.
Crow::(Hermione)Oh well, bottoms up!
"Yeah," a voice agreed.
Mike::(Hermione)Well I’m glad we’ve agreed what it is. Good night. Servo::(Ron)Doesn’t she want to know why you have a polyjuice potion just sitting out in the open? Crow::(Harry)No and I’m not telling her I’ve been parading around as Filtch at night and neither are you.
She dropped the bottle, and it released a putrid smell.
Mike::Oh thanks, we’re never going to get that out of the carpet. Crow::(Draco)Why don’t you go back to your own dorm room and break things. Mike::(Hermione)I thought I was in my room. Where the hell am I?
"D-Draco!" she exclaimed.
Servo::*Singing*They call him Draco Draco, meaner than lightning. No one you see, can sneer more than he.
He stood there, bathed in the moonlight, topless,
Servo::now painted a bright red. Crow::(Draco)Don’t tell anyone, but I’m really Spiderman. Mike::(Hermione)I thought you were the screaming leprechaun. Crow::(Draco)I have many people inside my head.
with the moonlight showing off his very nice abs.
Mike::(Hermione)I must admit, you have a very nice collection of abstract paintings.
A fair eyebrow was raised over quicksilver eyes
Servo::I see Hogwarts’ water still has that mercury contamination problem.
as he towered over her at a good six two.
Crow::Why does he stand over her until 6:02?
"May I ask what the hell you are doing in my room?" he asked.
Mike::(Hermione)Only if I can ask why our two rooms are suddenly connected now? Crow::(Draco)All right so I’ve been secretly digging a tunnel so I can spy on people at night. It’s not as if that’s a crime.
She looked him square in the eye, and tossed her brunette hair back over her shoulders,
Servo::(Hermione)I don’t look any different. Why isn’t this potion taking effect? Crow::(Draco)Ha ha ha, um, well maybe it doesn’t work. Yes that’s much less embarrassing than admitting I’ve been turning myself into a girl at night.
and said quite straightforwardly,
Mike::(Hermione)I, uh, um, gotta go!
"You." "I what?" "You saved me from Crabbe and Goyle." It was a statement, not a question. "Yes." "Why?"
Servo::Why do we have to have nothing but straight dialogue? Crow::Because it keeps the room from morphing and moving all around us.
"Hmm, don't you seem to be the one for one word conversations," he said softly. "Why?" she repeated.
Mike::(Hermione)I mean what? What the hell did you just say. Crow::(Draco)I really like the word one. One, one, one, one!
"Because. I couldn't allow them to soil themselves with the likes of you, Mudblood,"
Servo::They can’t help it, they were just never properly potty-trained. Mike::(Draco)I wish Crabbe would wear his rubber pants like he’s supposed to.
he said coolly. Her eyes started to water,
Mike::(Hermione)Oh God Malfoy, how much cologne did you put on? Crow::(Draco)Only enough to kill a giant spider, why?
but she blinked them away furiously, and turned angrily, hurt.
Servo::(Hermione)You know if you’re trying to seduce me maybe you should stop calling me names. Mike::(Draco)Oh right, hang on. Don’t call her names. My Dad told me to write all the don’ts down.
But she stopped at the doorway and choked out,
Crow::A rather large chicken bone. Servo::(Hermione)I’d wondered where that went.
"I really did think you were being nice, Draco,
Mike::(Hermione)Ha ha, no I didn’t. I knew from the start that it was nothing more than a scam.
and doing it because you might actually have a spark of humanity in you-but I guess I was wrong."
Servo::(Hermione)Everyone knows you sold your soul a long time ago. Crow::(Draco)I know, want to see the certificate the Devil gave me?
And with that she slammed the door.
Mike::Which of course made no noise, but because of the shifting of the castle she accidentally walked right off a balcony and fell straight into the lake. Servo::(Hermione)I knew I should have just stayed in my bed thinking about what type of parchment I should use tomorrow.
It felt like she was slamming it on his heart.
Crow::In reality Hermione came back two minutes later with Harry’s Firebolt and slammed that onto Malfoy’s head ‘til he was unconscious. Mike::(Hermione)There, that ought to do it.
~*~*~
~*~*~*~ Blinded by tears, Hermione flung herself out of Draco's room,
Mike::(Hermione)Look out! It’s gonna blow! Crow::(Harry)And they say I’m the drama queen.
slamming the door with an almighty bang.
Servo::(Hermione)I knew I shouldn’t have taken that Omnipotent Being potion. Mike::Better be careful whose toes you step on there. Crow::And how exactly is he going to do that? Is he going to slam into their feet with his hoverskirt. Servo::Why you little gold son of a . . .
She jumped down the stairs, and landed painfully, hitting her head on a table.
Mike::Do they have tables glued to the ceiling at Hogwarts? Crow::Why did Hermione just do a head long dive off the stairs? Servo::(Hermione)AHH! My parent’s just showed up! Party’s over. Everyone clear out!
Wincing excruciatingly,
Mike::As she tried to figure out how she just fell down the stairs and hit her head on a table? Crow::(Hermione)Does a single law of physics apply here? Servo::(Harry)Well you’d know if you would have read Hogwarts, A History.
she seethed with anger, hands clenching and unclenching themselves,
Mike::(Hermione)That’s it, I’m adding him to my list. Crow::(Ron)Shesh, it took you long enough to realize he was evil. Mike::(Hermione)Don’t make me add you to my list!
angry at Malfoy for being such a damned bastard,
Servo::So is he literally damned now that she took that Omnipotent potion? Crow::(Draco)I’ll be running Hell in under a week.
angry at herself for being so naïve to think he actually saved her
Mike::And still a bit confused at exactly how she had gotten into his room in the first place. Servo::(Hermione)Oh great now where the hell am I? Crow::(Hagrid)Hermione? Why’re yeh in my shack?
because he had a bit of warmth in the cold iron heart of his,
Mike::As that would cause the structural integrity of his heart to give way.
angry at Harry and Ron for being Pureblooded,
Crow::Since when is Harry a pureblood? Have you seen his aunt? Servo::Last I checked Fred and George were still working really hard to disown Ron anyway.
angry at her parents for being Muggles,
Mike::and their stupid dentist tendencies to check her teeth in the middle of the night.
and angry at the whole world in general.
Crow::(Hermione)I hate you world and I’d show it if I could just figure out how to get out of this up-side-down room! Servo::This place is more confusing than the Winchester Mansion.
"How could I be so stupid and naïve?" she wondered to herself.
Mike::Maybe I should tell someone about this concussion.
"To be so dense to actually think that Malfoy was nice?
Servo::Yeah that is pretty stupid. Crow::At least she’s not as stupid as someone who tells his captor about the very ring of power they’re trying to keep secret. Servo::You’re dead!
Well, I won't make that mistake again."
Mike::(Hermione)Time to go kill Malfoy.
She heard some movement from inside his room,
Servo::As Draco rearranged all his furniture for the fifth time that night. Crow::(Draco)I’m just not feeling the positive flow of power. Maybe if my desk was attached to the wall and my bed was on the ceiling.
and hissed quietly up the stairs,
Mike::(Hermione)If I was myself and not some severely mutilated caricature I would have informed a professor straight away about what you did, but since I’m not you’re fine.
"This is war, Death Eater.
Servo::You hear me Vultures, you’re all going down.
And I promise you, I will win."
Crow::(Hermione)Because I have the winning bottle cap.
~*~*~*~ The next morning she woke to the bright sunlight shining down on her
Mike::As she huddled for warmth in the Forbidden Forest. Servo::No wonder they don’t want students wandering around at night, they could end up anywhere.
face from the circular skylight at the top of the dorm.
Crow::How smart is it to have a skylight over a girls dormitory when you have males that can fly around on brooms? Mike::Filtch must have to clean that thing every day.
Blinking sleepily, and
Servo::then dociliy.
stretched, and instantly regretted it,
Crow::As she smacked her cat in the face who freaked out and ripped her bed hangings to shreds.
as she felt all her muscles shrieking in protest.
Servo::*Blink* Crow::Do we want to know why her muscles are so sore? Mike::No and stop that train of thought, all of you.
That brought back a wave of memories from the last night,
Servo::Ever since she took that stem cell potion her muscles have retained her memory while her brain has acted as the means for locomotion. Crow::That’s got to be a pain.
and she swallowed to keep a flood of tears from rushing back.
Mike::(Hagrid)Hermione, why’re yeh cryin’? Servo::(Hermione)It’s nothing. Mike::(Hagrid)Okay, why’re yeh on the roof then?
She got up slowly, and tiptoed up the stairs so she wouldn't have to face Malfoy.
Crow::As he would usually spend his free time sitting behind the door to the girls dormitory. Servo::He’s just waiting for all of them to leave so he can try on their clothes.
She changed into a black silk shirt and a pair of capris,
Mike::Today was Frighten Muggles Senseless day and she just couldn’t wait to get her hands on Norfolk.
but traded the black silk shirt in for a plain white one
Crow::(Dobby)Oh Mistress Hermione is too good, giving Dobby such a nice new pair of trousers. Servo::(Hermione)Actually I was going to be wanting that back, oh never mind.
when she thought of Malfoy's black silk sheets.
Mike::Which she had seen the day before as he traipsed around the castle claiming it was his cape. Crow::(Draco)I am the masked Avenger!
She twisted her hair into a loose bun, and threw on her robe.
Servo::Too bad that’s black too. Mike::(Hermione)AH! Must have color! Crow::(Harry)Hey, what’s up with the rainbow skin? You trying out for the part of the horse of many colors?
Coming down, she saw Malfoy in front of her,
Servo::God, he seems to be everywhere! Mike::Just what we need, Attack of the Malfoy Clones.
and elbowed past him violently.
Crow::So she didn’t want to see him and so made sure he saw her by passing him down the stairs and punching him in the side?
He yelped in surprise, and she smiled ever so slightly.
Servo::(Hermione)Serves the little bastard right, next time you borrow my sweater you could at least hang it up.
Opening the passage, she stepped outside to see Harry and Ron. The two boys-almost men now,
Mike::Holy cow did they change over night. Crow::(Ron)I told you not to trust that stupid electronic Gypsy. Servo::(Harry)Yeah yeah, I just want to know why we went from being 12 yesterday to being 35 today.
tall and filled out,
Mike::Well except for Ron. Crow::(Ron)Ah ah ah. Sorry, a slight breeze picked up and I almost fell over again.
each attracting a few girls-
Servo::So they had girls hanging on them and spent all their time wearing robes? Anyone else get the feeling this is really just Hugh Heffner camp?
were sleep ridden,
Mike::(Harry)How can such a skinny person snore so much? Crow::(Ron)I’m very sensitive to my nose noises. Mike::(Harry)I thought you were sawing up a metal sequoia forest last night.
eyes half shut.
Servo::As they wandered around the room bumping into the walls and all the other students.
But Harry's eyes flew open at the few bruises she collected by jumping down the stairs last night.
Crow::(Harry)How dare you practice jumping around the tower without us! Mike::(Ron)Yeah Hermione, it’s really rude to go and leave us out of all the pain and suffering.
"Hermione! What happened?" he half yelled.
Servo::(Harry)SORRY, BUT EVER SINCE RON STARTED SNORING I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO HEAR GOOD!
"I'll tell you at breakfast," she muttered grimly, shooing them along,
Mike::(Ron)Yes Mum whatever you say mum. What did I tell you, give her just an ounce of power and now we have a little dictator on our hands.
hearing the passage door creak open.
Crow::(Draco)Are they gone? Servo::(Hermione)Yes. Crow::(Draco)Good, now tell me. Do you think this skirt makes me look fat?
~*~*~*~ "What?" hollered Ron,
Mike::(Ron)What do you mean we don’t get breakfast today? At this rate my body will start eating my hair.
getting out of his seat after Hermione told him the events of last night.
Servo::(Harry)Wait I’m confused. Why didn’t you just use the summoning spell to get your wand and then clobber them? Crow::(Ron)And what about Malfoy? I would have just slugged him right then and there.
He was ready to pummel the Slytherin trio into snake mush
Mike::I would have thought the school would have provided snake mush. Servo::(Ron)After all, what are we paying all these lab fees for?
after what he had heard. Harry pulled him down. "This isn't the time to do this," he whispered.
Crow::Since when has Harry had a cool head? Mike::Ever since those anger management classes with Bruce Banner he’s been able to keep his anger in check a bit better.
"We can't show them they've won."
Servo::(Harry)So we’ll keep their lifetime supply of butterbeer for ourselves.
Ron reluctantly sat down, rubbing his neck where Harry had pulled his collar.
Crow::(Harry)Eat some meat, or at least have Pomfrey give you a blood transfusion. Your skin is so translucent I can almost see through to your bones.
"Anyways, Hermione can fight her own battles.
Mike::(Hermione)But the only person I’ve ever really fought with is Ron, and look at how easy he is to beat.
But, Mione," he added,
Servo::I don’t think Rry is right.
"you should tell Dumbledore."
Crow::Ron is the voice of reason?! Mike::Maybe this is a parallel universe. Servo::That would explain why Harry is a minion of Voldemort and why Hermione is acting as though she’s climbed into a dryer one too many times.
She nodded, and after breakfast, departed.
Crow::And was never seen again. Mike::(Ron)Okay from now on I’m tying myself to the foot of my bed so I don’t get swallowed up by this castle like everyone else.
~*~*~*~ "And so, that's what happened last night, and why I'm here," she concluded.
Servo::(Harry)We know Hermione, you just finished telling us two minutes ago. Crow::(Hermione)All right Harry, Ron I promised I’d tell you at breakfast so here goes. Mike::(Ron)Am I stuck in a time loop this morning? Servo::(Harry)Could be worse, the loop could have started during Potions.
Professor Dumbledore looked very grim,
Crow::As he tried to remove his head from in-between two railings. Mike::(Dumbledore)I’m not sure how I got here, but I’ll bet it was a wild ride.
and sighed before speaking, his usually twinkling blue eyes grim and mournful.
Servo::Which would explain why he looked grim. Crow::(Hermione)Maybe it was his blue eyes or maybe it was the fact that he was dressed in a black robe and cloak and carried a scythe that made him look grim.
"Miss Granger. This is very serious indeed.
Servo::(Dumbledore)For you see. I have found. Almost an entire case. Of periods hidden. In one of our toilets. Now me must. Use them all. Before Malfoy. Finds out I took them.
Under normal circumstances, I would most immediately expel them.
Mike::(Hermione)Excellent. Crow::(Dumbledore)But I must know, why do you wish to expel Ron Weasly and Harry Potter? Mike::(Hermione)No one points out my story’s plot holes and gets away with it.
But in the terribly troubled times we are in, sending them home would just send more possible Death Eaters to Lord Voldemort."
Servo::(Dumbledore)Which is why I have decided to lock all students within Hogwarts and not let them leave. Crow::(Hermione)Since when have you been scared of Voldemort? Servo::(Dumbledore)Hey I had to do his laundry. You don’t know fear until you’ve had to look at his pizza stains.
He looked at her pensively, and she nodded,
Mike::As he stared at her out of his bowl. Crow::(Dumbledore)Now would you mind getting me out of this pensieve, my head seems to be stuck.
understanding but angry that they had gotten so close to-well, you know-and wouldn't be expelled.
Mike::(Hermione)Damn it, that was my last chance to keep Harry and Ron out of my story. I guess I’m just going to have to put up with them now.
"The best I can give you is having them have a detention with Mr. Filch for the rest of the year.
Servo::You know the next time I need to commit a little crime I’m going to make sure I get extradited to Diagon alley. Those wizards get away with anything.
Is that all right with you?"
Crow::(Hermione)Hell no, I demand justice. Mike::(Dumbledore)Well I’d love to help but ever since that little "accident" I haven’t been allowed to cast any spells. Crow::(Hermione)What accident? You turned Nurse Pomfrey into a talking microscope when she tried to give you your medication.
"I-I suppose, Professor. If you really think it's right."
Servo::You know I’m really not enjoying this Hogwarts mirror universe. Mike::The next thing you know Miss McGonagall’s gonna walk in with a pointy goatee and a vest.
He walked over to her seat, and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
Crow::(Dumbledore)Now I need to ask you something very serious. Servo::(Hermione)What is it? Crow::(Dumbledore)Will you help me find my missing bag of marbles, I think I left Professor Vector in there.
"Miss Granger, I must say that you are a very strong person indeed.
Mike::(Dumbledore)Would you please let go of Fawkes, you’re breaking his wings.
I am feel
Servo::Hear me roar.
so much pain for you,
Crow::Because goodness knows I’m not going to offer you any kind of help or justice. Mike::(Dumbledore)Now as for the Wizard Protection Agency we have to stick you in, your new name will be Alfred, you need to grow a beard and learn how to deal with a guy who likes to dress up in a cape and tights.
and all I can console you with is hope.
Servo::(Hermione)Actually I was hoping for something more along the lines of a grenade.
Hope that we will get through this war, and hope that everyone will get exactly what they deserve."
Crow::(Dumbledore)I’ll make ‘em all pay. Mike::(Hermione)Yes well, I uh need to be leaving now. Servo::(Pomfrey)Oh dear, before you leave could you remove this slide? I’m tired of magnifying the same thing over and over again.
~*~*~*~ That day was Saturday,
Crow::What day? Mike::The day when Dumbledore finally lost it and blew up half of the school. Crow::Oh.
so they didn't have any classes.
Servo::As opposed to Friday when they do have classes.
Angry and frustrated that Crabbe and Goyle didn't get punished,
Servo::Hermione plotted her revenge. Mike::(Hermione)Yes yes it’s all so simple now. They will never again know freedom. Ha ha ha ha ha! Crow::(Ron)Hey what’s so funny? Mike::(Hermione)Death. Crow::(Ron)Oh okay.
she stormed through the halls,
Servo::I thought that was the Great Hall’s ceiling’s job?
and came to the painting of Melinda Feterry and Adam Sloage,
Mike::(Hermione)According to the caption it says this portrait was painted to honor the two students with the dumbest names Hogwarts has ever had. Crow::(Harry)You’re a shoo in Hermione. Mike::(Hermione)Watch it buster I’ve taken down better boys who lived than you.
the first Head Boy and Girl.
Mike::(Hermione)How, how was Malfoy appointed Gryffindor’s head boy? Servo::(Ron)You can only bribe so many people in your House before you have to move on for new meat. Crow::You’d know a lot about bribing wouldn’t you. Servo::That’s it I’ve had all I can take of you, you’re going down you twisted alloy.
Melinda's large blue eyes widened as she saw Hermione. "Hermione! What's wrong?"
Crow::(Melinda)What the hell happened, you look terrible? Why did someone replace your head with a fishbowl? Servo::(Hermione)Still it’s better then what they did to Ron, his entire skin is gold and he has a bowling pin for a mouth.
"Nothing. Ardor!"
Mike::At the rate the password is losing letters it’ll be down to just the punctuation mark by next week.
she said curtly, and the portrait door opened.
Crow::Fat Lady must be on vacation. Servo::Her and the rest of the Hogwarts portraits are hanging out in the painting of the Carnival Cruise ship.
To her extreme surprise, Malfoy walked out,
Mike::Although you’d think she’d be used to him and his trespassing by now. Crow::No point in bringing it to Dumbledore, he’ll just claim that he’s scared and forget about it.
dressed in nothing but a towel around his waist, shoulder length hair dripping.
Servo::Which was really weird seeing as how the bathroom was down the hall. Crow::(Harry)Hermione, I’m glad I caught you, you need to be my alibi. Mike::(Hermione)Why? Crow::(Harry)Ron and I threw a couple of those Dungbombs at Malfoy as he was headed to the showers. Unfortunately they turned out to be real bombs and the bathroom exploded creating a huge tidal wave. Servo::(Ron)It was so cool, let’s do it again.
With a slightly open mouth,
Mike::Which she used to breathe. Crow::See Servo, unlike those precious elves of yours, these characters do need to breathe. Servo::Why you . . . oh yeah well at least my elves don’t dress in tea towels and take crap from anyone.
she dropped her heavy bag on the floor.
Mike::And it moaned loudly. Crow::(Hermione)I don’t have Crabbe and Goyle in there.
"What are you doing here?" she snapped, trying to cover her surprise
Servo::By kicking Draco hard in the shins.
(and slight primal delight, a treacherous voice added).
Mike::Hermione was baying for blood. Crow::I’m starting to wonder if she has any relations to the Ripper family.
Blond eyebrows rose in surprise.
Servo::(Seamus)Are you two done blocking the entrance? Mike::(Dean)Yeah the rest of us Gryffindors would like to go sit down now.
"I do believe that this dorm is mine, as well, isn't it, Granger?" he said amusedly.
Crow::(Draco)I’ve bribed enough people it should be. Mike::(Hermione)Fine but just tell me one thing, why Gryffindor? Crow::(Draco)Let’s just say I’d like to keep a real close eye on my enemy if you catch my drift. Mike::(Hermione)I’ll go tell Harry to stop showering.
"I suppose," she said tersely.
Servo::(Hermione)But I hope Hogwarts shifts once more and your room ends up at the bottom of the lake.
"Now if you would please get out of my way, and I could get to my room so I can do my homework in peace?"
Crow::(Hermione)Or I could just practice my Defense Against Dark Arts right here on you. Actually I like that idea much better. Hold still.
"Always thinking of work, aren't we, Granger?" Draco said silkily,
Mike::A charm had broken loose and accidentally turned Malfoy into a silk worm. No one really cared much though.
not budging. She flared, losing her temper.
Servo::Maybe Harry drank a polyjuice potion to look like Hermione. Crow::Ew, that’s gotta be awkward.
"Is it back to Granger now, not Mudblood anymore-Ferret Boy?
Mike::They’ve got more names for each other thank you two. Crow::Don’t get me started on Bubble-boy here Nelson. Servo::Yeah don’t waste your time with that Pin beak.
Move out of my way, if you're so inclined." she said angrily.
Mike::As the floor pitched at a 90 degree angle. Crow::(Harry)Sorry, we blew up another story.
He flinched at the Ferret remark, but didn't lose his trademark smirk.
Servo::Draco and all his facial expressions are registered trademarks of Warner brothers and can have you killed if you take them. Really.
"I'm not so inclined to move. We need to.talk."
Mike::(Draco)That’s right, I took my periods back from Dumbledore.
"Talk?" she spat.
Crow::(Draco)I knew you would be difficult, that’s why I brought Henry Kissinger along. Servo::(Kissinger)Please Mr. President, why am I surrounded by children dressed in grim reaper costumes?
"I think we had enough talking last night." He flinched slightly at the reference.
Crow::(Draco)Please don’t mention the night, I am so very scared of the dark.
"Look, I'm really sor-" "Don't bother," she interrupted.
Mike::(Hermione)I already know that you are a sorbet. Now I’m just going to sit here and watch you melt to death.
"Coming from you, it holds absolutely no weight." He stiffened noticeably.
Servo::(Draco)How did you know I take Weight Gain powder?
"Are you questioning my family's honour?" he said softly and dangerously.
Mike::(Hermione)Um, no. Crow::(Draco)Sorry, I’m just spying on three other conversations right now. What were you saying?
"Honour? The Malfoy family HAS no honour,"
Servo::Anyone else get the feeling this is going to end in a bat'leth duel. Mike::Just no pain sticks.
she said mockingly. "And neither do you.
Crow::Which is another reason you should still be in Slytherin. Servo::Next thing you know they’re going to put Neville in Ravenclaw.
I wouldn't hold being a pureblood up for much-look where it got you!"
Crow::(Draco)So my genes are so screwed up I can never stop sweating, so what. Mike::(Hermione)Would someone get him a really big coaster?
"What-being head boy, and being rich? That's bad?"
Servo::(McGonagall)Would you two stop yelling, we’re trying to be forgotten about here. Crow::(Ron)So do you think there’s any chance we’re going to have to be in this story? Mike::(Harry)Nah I doubt it. Servo::(Ron)Good, let’s go and terrorize Hogsmede with our bombs.
"Oh, no, that's not bad-but then,
Mike::again seeing as how you use that to inflict pain and suffering on others, yeah it is bad.
you have a father who's an evil bastard
Crow::Much like Servo.
and a mother who's made of ice."
Mike::Which explains why Malfoy is really ice cream. Servo::Sorbet is not ice cream, but you’d know that if you actually had a brain in that thick skull. Mike::What did I do? Servo::Sorry. Crow::He he he.
He trembled visibly.
Mike::(Draco)Fine so my house has to be kept below freezing point at all times, there are you happy now.
Screw "the plan", that stupid girl insulted his honour,
Servo::And all of a sudden Malfoy cares about this. Crow::(Draco)I’ve had three major character changes in the past hour. I hope tomorrow I don’t come out acting like a mobster who likes pretty flowers.
his family name, and most especially his mother.
Mike::(Draco)I love you Mummy! What’s that, no Mum you look fine. Servo::(Hermione)Malfoy, why are you talking to a used Kleenex?
"Don't you EVER, ever insult my mother,
Crow::Because I’m not smart enough to think up any comebacks. Servo::We already know that Crow.
you stupid Mudblood.
Crow::Hermione can’t help it, she just really loves mudpies.
Your mother is probably just as fat and ugly as Weasley's mother-no, worse! She's a freakin' MUGGLE!"
Mike::When did this turn into a "Yo Momma" contest? Servo::Crow’s mother is so ugly she grows the beard just to cover her face. Crow::Oh yeah, well Servo’s mother is so fat when her hoverskirt gave out she killed the dinosaurs. Mike::Um guys, you don’t have mothers.
He recoiled as she slapped him hard across the face.
Servo::(Hermione)Hey this is a lot of fun, I should hit people more often.
"That was for insulting my mother, and Ron's mum.
Crow::(Hermione)Oh yeah I forgot, Dumbledore said I could use one of the Unforgivable curses on you. Mike::(Draco)Which one? Crow::(Hermione)It’s my choice, and I always like surprises.
Don't, you ferrety ass.
Servo::Don’t sit down or you’ll squish my ferret. Mike::Do I even want to know how he came to have a ferret on his ass? Crow::Maybe Gandalf put it there, eh Servo?
Your "pureblood" has gotten you nothing but arrogance and a few extra bucks!
Mike::Yes the Malfoy’s would always mention their pureblood during their panhandling days. Servo::There’s nothing sadder than a wizard so inbreed he can’t even close his robe.
I know far more better people who are muggle-born
Crow::Why does she keep track of all these Muggle born people? Mike::Hermione’s hoping to start her own little army to overthrow the current government.
than those who are pureblood."
Servo::Elrond could kick his ass.
"Are you saying that mudbloods are just as good as purebloods?"
Mike::It’s a real fight here in the Gryffindor common room as blood type AB positive takes on blood type O negative.
"No, I'm not. I'm saying they're BETTER."
Crow::Yeah Harry and Ron could kick your precious Istari’s asses any day of the week.
"Better? That's a laugh."
Servo::The Death Eaters all so inbred and stupid they had to elect a Mudblood to lead them.
"Not all of them," she allowed,
Mike::Because all generalizations are wrong. Crow::Except for the belief that chubby red robots are a sign of the end times.
"like Harry and Ron, for example, are wonderful purebloods.
Servo::Seeing as how Harry had all of his mother’s blood removed and replaced it with anti-freeze. Mike::(Voldemort)Ladies and Gentle Death Eaters I would like to introduce out newest recruit who believes in our purpose so much he would risk freezing to death. Crow::(Harry)Hi.
But people like you-" she let the ending hang in the air.
Mike::(Hermione)You’re all, um, you’re well you’re all stinky heads. Servo::She’s got the same intellectual capacity as Crow.
"People like me are worth a thousand of YOUR kind, Mudblood.
Crow::At least according to today’s international exchange rates. Mike::Damn, looks like the value of my blood has fallen again I’d better get rid of these white cells before that drops too.
I'm better than you!" Her mouth hung open.
Servo::Why don’t you try slapping him again? Crow::Oh yes Servo let’s just resort to violence, the only way you and your kind know how to sort out any problem.
"Oh really?" her voice went up to a high pitch.
Servo::You think you and your little Middle School sorcerers can hurt me. Go ahead on.
"Yes! I'll prove it!"
Crow::I’ll make you regret the day you were ever machined in Joel’s toolshop.
"How do you plan to do that?"
Servo::I’m going to crush you into a little gold ingot and then sell you on the Home shopping network.
"A contest. Simple.
Mike::Well go back in time remove all the other names from the Goblet of Fire and put our names in instead. Crow::(Hermione)That’s not very simple. Servo::You’d know about simplicity wouldn’t you.
We each cast spells on each other.
Mike::And hope that we don’t destroy the entire school in the process. Crow::(Harry)That’s our job.
First to crack is the loser-proving the other to be the winner.
Servo::Heads I win, tails you lose.
And the better wizard."
Mike::Get’s my entire supply of periods.
"Or witch." He ignored her.
Servo::It’ll be no contest, Gandalf will wipe the floor with you people. Crow::Really, he seems to get captured so easily. Servo::Oh yeah well at least my book didn’t lead to a film directed by Chris Columbus. Crow::You son of a drill bit!
"Tomarrow, then?"
Mike::As soon as you tell me what a "tomarrow" is? Is it like a marshmallow or a bone marrow transplant?
"Okay. May the best witch win."
Crow::I hope all those stupid maps and appendices squish you like a pancake.
"Wizard."
Servo::How long’s it going to take for your next book to come out, the second coming of Jesus. Mike:Guys come on, it’s just the fic. You just need to breathe and count to ten.
"Whatever." ~*~*~*
Servo::Yeah I guess you’re right Mike, it’s not like it’s Crow’s fault he’s a complete moron and can’t read anything that requires actual gray matter. Crow::Oh I’ve read The Silmarillion thank you very much, yeah it’s perfect for any incurable insomniac. Servo::I’ve had all I can take! *Flys toward Crow* Crow::Oh fine, you piece of sheet metal *Runs at Servo* Mike::Guy’s can’t someone just enjoy both works of literature? Crow::You’re an idiot Nelson. Servo::Be careful Mike, you don’t want to hurt yourself thinking like that. Crow::Ha ha good one Servo. Servo::Thanks pal. Mike::Robots.
I have mentioned before that my husband's sister is going to be married soon and I have some trepidation's about it all. Not the marriage itself but the ceremony and the family dynamics that could arise if I don't curtsy at the right moment.
For us the wedding was a fun, cheap celebration to show off that we got hitched but as time passes it become more and more obvious his family looks down upon us for not being good consumerists. We're not fancy people by any stretch of the imagination and have a habit of hording things just because they might be useful someday.
His sister by contrast will throw away anything she does not want or that fits her taste. Even if you spent a lot of money and thought on a gift, if it is not what she was expecting she'll get rid of it and fast. My husband joked that for the wedding I could make them a nice big painting but I gasped in shock on the fear that something I'd devote hours to would just wind up in the garbage can after two weeks.
The wedding is not until the end of July (so prepare to talk me down come July 20th), but in the mail I just got a shower invitation with all the inserts to all of her registries. And now I face a large conundrum.
The fact is, the stuff she wants is to my eyes impractical and extremely pricey. The only things under $30 are spatulas (and most things range in the $50-100 range for little things) and even those cost about $15 each. There is no flatware, no dishes, nothing for actually setting up a house to live in so one could do laundry or clean the floors.
While they lived together while going to college they have recently both moved back home until after the wedding where they will then move in together to their house. I also know that they rarely if ever ate in or did their own laundry. So a part of me thinks, well as someone who did move out and live all on my own (and does cook most meals and has done her own laundry for at least 10 years as my mother cannot be trusted with socks) and learned all the important little things that one suddenly realizes they need do I use that knowledge to select a gift? Maybe a laundry hamper and a trash can (you can never have enough)?
Or, knowing that anything not bought off the registry will probably find it self in the dumpster as soon as the Thank You notes are written, do I just suck it up and buy some incredibly impractical thing off their registry? Even if I am worried that if I pick the cheaper things it leaves the rest of her frankly not well off family to pick up the slack?
This is also a little plea to anyone out there that is working on a registry for your wedding, for the love of God please think of all of us that are dealing with this depression and may have our own expenses. We do not all have 6 figure incomes we can just splurge on your $200 blanket or $75 picture frame.
I can understand wanting some nice things for the future, but a $5 meat thermometer works just as good as a $30 one and really think if you'll use it or if it will sit in the cupboard. Or worse, don't register for expensive things just because you plan on returning them for cash.
I never really thought someone used the registry as their own personal shopping spree without footing the bill but now I am beginning to see just how deluded I am.
I say weird because I grew up in the land where we had to invent Arbor Day just so we could actually get some shade. Buffalo, wildfires and maple trees do not mix.
But as I sit down and paint more and more trees (which may or may not have large cardinals in them) I find myself turning a more critical eye towards those cool shapes nature can create. Like this lovely bright white tree. I have no idea what it is but I love the curve and smooth flow of branches.I've actually had the idea for a painting of a black background with a white tree in my head for a while and this could be a good picture to base it on.
This other tree I like to call Octotree as it looks like someone took a poor octopus and turned him upside down. (Do not do this to your own octopi as they can get terrible vertigo and will shoot a little ink all over your upholstery).It's got such character and texture, though I fear it'd be a nightmare to paint. I got over my fear of one of the branches swooping in and grabbing me to get close enough to take another picture.I found what looks like a little abandoned squirrel nest in the crook of the octotree:Maybe this is like the bachelor pad for squirrelhood. The women all hang out in the nice big nests while the guys get out and sleep under the stars.
Okay so this thread really is just random pictures of nature and has little to no commentary so here are some picture of pretty flowers:
Introverted Wife: you may get a laugh, you may get an opinion (or three), but you are 100% guaranteed to get too damn many pictures of flowers and trees.
Does anyone else like to just look at some cool tree with character? I think I prefer them without their leaves as you can see the skeleton of the tree so much better.
And since this has been so random, what are you gonna make for dinner? Cause right now I have little to no ideas what to prepare and am hoping for some guidance. Hopefully I'll have a more coherent post tomorrow, but no promises.
It's my take on a cherry blossom tree on a bright spring day. A bit more abstract.
Now I just have to get that one and the Tulips onto etsy. Come on sun, come out so I can take better pictures! Hm, what should I paint next? For the first time in a month I don't have a wedding dress to try.
It is funny how my husband and I are both proud exceptions to some old stereotypes.
He comes from Chicago, the land of big shoulders (I could never understand that) while I come from a small(ish) town in little ol' Nebraska. But yesterday I learned something that would amaze all those people who assume anyone who comes from a small town is a backwater hick.My husband doesn't have an Amazon account!
I think I've had one since I was about 13. Hell, I remember when it was just books and the only way I would get my reading fix. Then all of a sudden it was amazing that music and movies were available. Ah simple times.
My entire husbands family has a weird technophobia. It was like pulling teeth to get them to look at our wedding pictures on-line. In fact, they never did and we had to send them a CD with all the pictures months and months after we got them all.
I doubt any of them would ever purchase anything on-line, and if they did it would be a tale regaled at every family gathering I ever have to attend. It's funny how even his cousins have just now gotten onto facebook and act like little 18 year olds even though they're our age or a bit older.
Even though there are things, rare and hard to find things he wants that I know you can easily find on Amazon my husband still refuses to get an account. So instead if he wants it he'll scour every bookstore while I just go on-line and order it for him.
Have you had to come up against anyone that's technophobic? What do you do when you just want to grab someone and shake them because you know it's so much simpler to just go to a website instead of mailing something?
Yesterday, even though it was really really cold out (oh about 26), the sky was bright blue and I took a few Springy pictures. In fact so many I thought it'd be fun to share a few here and there over the next few days.
This is the first time I've ever seen a squirrel scratch his head with his hind leg. I wonder if he secretly thinks he's a dog.It's funny how usually we won't really see flowers til May around here but there are a few early sprouters which are so delicate it's a wonder they can fight the cold hard winds and rain of early spring here.I just love the colors of the blue, red, and white of the branches. This may be another painting. Speaking of paintings, I added a better picture to my Tulip one down below. Like I said, it looks a lot better than you all thought. Stupid painting not being very photogenic.
Awhile back I made some wild and crazy claim that I was going to try my hand at painting more flowers. Then I got a bit distracted and painted two wedding dresses instead (I was working under the assumption that if you watch them long enough they turn into flowers. I was mistaken).
But this weekend I tried my hand at some tulips. Sorry the picture isn't all that great. I've quickly realized the only good way to take a good painting picture is in broad daylight and we haven't seen that stuff in going on three days now. Flowers are not only expensive and pretty, they're also a giant pain in the butt to paint. I think I should start painting stems instead.
I'm also being all featured and stuff over at My Island Wedding offering up my own wedding advice (which is funny as I didn't have an island wedding nor do I have any advice whatsoever).
You may remember Kelly, as I painted the super cool dog for her (and some other wedding stuff I guess): I've got another floral type painting in the wings, so all you floral junkies should get your fix soon.
It was such an ominous day yesterday you could practically see the ominum hanging in the sky. Once we were heading home the wind that had been giving a good effort the whole day really threw its back into it.
As the radio droned on about tornadoes touching down south of us, we pulled up to our apartment. Just how windy was it? This is a small little pond right in front of our apartment complex that is just one quick gust away from white heads.It was so bad I could barely get a picture. I kept having the camera pushed out of my hands by the wind. I was also messing around with white balance per Jenna's instructions. While some very wonderful tips, when you are battling 50mph winds to stay vertical is not the time to play.
Even though I left the wind outside to play, the ominousness followed me inside. Dinner was a big ol' disaster. Never ever rely on chili mixes, even if you run out of chili powder. Just suck it up and go and buy some or make Hamburger Helper.
After dinner, as we were clearing up the dishes, disaster struck.
First there was a crash, a few choice words, and then it was all over. One of our glass bowls bit the big one and after having to taste that horrific chili took a tumble off the counter:It was while we went into lab "damn I broke another beaker" glass clean up mode my husband pointed out that not only was this a big pain in the ass but it was also a first.
This was the first piece of serving ware we've have break on us since we first moved in together. Not bad for only losing one bowl (and a crap ton of cheap flatware that the dishwater ate) in a year and a half. You know all those firsts you see someone list when you start a relationship or get married? Somehow I doubt breaking your first big glass piece is in there.
Do you remember the first big thing you and your significant other broke together? Is anyone else a pro at glass clean up?
I could use a drink as I start to dip my toe into the trials of home ownership.
I could use a double and I put some info into a mortgage calculator and find out how little we can get for a house.
I could steal the entire liquor cabinet from the set of Mad Men after looking at how little of my paycheck would be left after paying for the mortgage.
Too bad the hardest thing I throwback is ginger ale. Maybe it's time I move up to sarsaparilla.
I was just thinking that what I could really use around here are some adorable baby turtles I could watch walk and swim around and feed whenever I wish.
And behold someone on the internet gave me that option. Just click on the area to leave some food for the baby turtles.
If you want your own little pet they have tons of options from hamsters to fish to penguins to spiders and you can alter a ton of settings. Just click here.
But baby turtles really are the cutest, you can't deny that.
Okay I just realized you can pick them up and drag them around and then you drop they spin around. Poor little turtles. I really shouldn't be giggling every time I do it.
There are a few topics I take a picture of every now and again as a sort of backup in case my life takes a turn for the incredibly dull (I think we've been sitting at snoozefest since February.) Sunday is a prime example as we have fallen into such a typical routine deviating from it for a minute is sure to drive you mad.
But yesterday I realized I had something exciting to talk about that is related to my good ol back up.
For Christmas we got one of those aerogardens. It's a soiless plant growing system, so there's lots of bubbling water underneath and it is very demanding with little lights flashing and buttons.
The thinking was that then we could grow stuff inside that we'd never get to take off at our place. But of course the first set of seeds it comes with are for herbs.
We know that basil and dill are as hearty as all get out. Hell even after the mass Christmas slaughter thanks to us being gone for a week we still have one basil plant going strong in the sunless window. But I planted the herbs anyway wanting to play with my new toy.
This weekend we both realized that we just never use the herbs there (mint? Really who plucks mint for a dish?) so I took the poor thing apart and cleaned her out. It was pretty cool being able to see the entire root system though.
This is one basil plant.After bleaching it and cleaning her out (and pushing all the crazy buttons) I added our newest little seedlings: Hopefully in a month or two we'll have nice fresh cherry tomatoes we'll have no idea what to do with.
Anyone else ever tried using one of these little hydropaunic wonders? I'm hoping that as I get more secure with it and get a real garden I can use it as a seed starter.
Yesterday I had to make a quick trip to my homeland, which lies about 2 hours due north west from where we currently reside.
Since that meant I got to spend 4 hours trapped in a car going slightly batty I decided to try my hand at perfecting the "Taking a snapshot out of a car window." I'd offer up some amazing commentary or something, but this is a pretty typical image outside the windows in ol' Nebraska.
Well at least it is in late fall/early spring. You should see it all in summer when the corn and soy beans are up though.It's fun to watch the rows of corn stocks as you drive past. They create a neat wave effect.
Finally I wanted to go for a rear view mirror look as we were driving home and had the sun behind us. I caught just the right moment as a flock of geese were flying across the sky. Sorry, they aren't very breathtaking but it's all home to me. Well I didn't get any good cow pictures but it's calving season here so you can see some really cute little ones as you drive the highways right now.
Hello, this is future Sabrina. If you'd like to leave a message please wait until the beep and start talking. I'll be sure to check it out at some point in the far flung future!
Beep.
Oh, hi. I just wanted to remind you, myself, and I that a year from now when you're stuck in the middle of Lent and have no idea what to make, do what Linda suggested and get a big ol bag of shrimp then do your usual stir fry stuff. Just try to not spill the fish sauce all over you. You smell like a cat food factory.
Oh and doesn't the Moose just make the perfect painting holder while it's drying (the painting not the Moose. I don't take my garden decorations swimming or anything)?I really like the middle one. Looks like he doesn't want to know what's on top of his antlers at all.
Well I suppose that's about it. Oh and how are things going on your end? Have they invented flying cars yet? What about motor bikes that . . . .
I didn't want you all to be too worried that I'd fallen off the wedding dress bandwagon recently.
I've recently finished a commission for Megan from her Maui wedding. She asked me to include her puppy as well as her kitty. So I guess this means I can paint kitties now too.
It's funny how the cat started out looking really evil. Then I added more to the eyes so then it looked like it was plotting something. Now it just looks happy. Kinda interesting how easily one can change the emotions just with a little extra paint in the eye or mouth area.
This old phone booth sits just outside our campuses library and it's the only one I know that's still left standing outside. While I never used this one, I do remember needing to use the one at the high school more than few times. One time on some trumped up charge claiming I skipped school even though my parents called me in sick (word of advice don't claim I was skipping school when I was home sick with my sick parents). And now it'd be unheard of for anyone to not have a cellphone.
I feel a little sad sometimes for the dinosaurs that the march of technology leave behind.
But this post isn't just a little eulogy for the ol' phone booth. It's also devoted to some very strange cellphone etiquette that I cannot understand.
First up, you driving with that cell phone jammed to your head. Yes I know that's what you're doing, in fact I can tell from three or four cars back by the way you slow down, suddenly speed up and swerve a bit. Unless you are talking someone through a life saving operation or are completely lost and about to burst into tears put the damn thing down. There is no way that little bit of information about what your favorite type of lettuce is (romaine by the way) is more important than that pedestrian you could smoosh in the crosswalk.
Second, you that teenager who I am pretty sure had her cell phone glued to her ear. When you are making a purchase at a store that employee you are treating like an amoebae is not in fact a robot attached to a cash register but a real person. Hang up the phone, or at least put it down so you can look your salesperson in the damn eye. After all if the economy keeps on this track, you may be thanking your lucky stars soon for having that robot's job.
Maybe it's my introverted roots showing but I cannot understand why a phone call trumps a person right in front of you every time? It's gotten so bad now we have "dating tips" that tell you to turn your damn phone off, or at least on silent so you can give your date your full attention instead of a half hearted "Uh huh, that's nice. Ooh I just got a text from Daryl. He doesn't think this date is going very well."
I've never understood why I am expected to drop everything I am doing and rush to the phone as soon as it starts to jingle; that the electronic attachment is more special than the doldrums of my life. If I am elbow deep in macaroni or having a nice conversation with an old friend or even playing with a 4 year old unless I am expecting a call or worry it's an emergency I just ignore the ring and keep living my life.
After all, they can always leave a message or you can call them back at your own convenience.
The fact that I will for no apparent reason curse like a grizzled old prospector. Or that not only will I talk to myself, sometimes I'll hold a consensus meeting in my head that adjourns for lunch.
But there is probably nothing more entertaining than the fact that I cannot be trusted around certain liquids.
Take exhibit A:
This is paint all over the side of my hand (black paint that I barely used I might add). I had no idea that it was there til after completely cleaning up and settling on the couch my husband pointed it out.
It's gotten so bad I've ruled (well my brain commitee after passing that annoying road tax) that I must take a shower once I put away my brushes and pallet. Some of it is just my mindset, I can always clean my skin, so if I need to suddenly remove some paint off a brush I'm more likely to use my fingers than a cloth.
But a lot of it is this strange metaphysical phenomenon where certain chemicals have a weird attraction to my skin. Paint isn't the only one.
Give me a bit of chocolate, regardless of how small it is, and some of it will wind up on me not melted and making a mess but just little bits as though I were saving it for a snack.
Sometimes I think I need to call Rod Sterling to figure out just what is going on, but then I find some chocolate I didn't think I had and all is good with the world.
Since this post made no sense, and it keeps feeling like Wednesday and Friday at the same time to me, here's another pretty picture. It's got a whole sun peaking out through a dark bitter day going on, eh?
How's your nearly end of the week going? Got any strange ooze residing on your skin? If it's a black alien goo you may want to look into getting it removed. I suggest Tide to go pen for all your venom needs.
I've been wanting to try my hand at a larger painting for a while now (the last one was probably that waterfall I did) and I thought it'd be more fun to try something with more water movement like river rapids.
This is based on a picture of Yosemite.
I was a bit surprised at how the rocky cliffs turned out. I wanted to try using my pallet knife and at first it looked incredibly stupid. But after a few additions, adding more paint and more texture it came out kinda cool.
I'm thinking I need to try some flowers again. Anyone got a favorite flower picture?
We had a perfect spring day yesterday. So beautiful it just had to be a crime to refuse allowing people to go outside and enjoy it.
When no one was looking, or needed me, I snuck outside for a little walk around and picture snapping. I love it when all the students are gone too, the campus feels more peaceful and you don't seem as weird for whipping out a camera and getting in some poor plants face for just the right picture.
As I was meandering down the sidewalk I caught this little birdie picking at gravel (anyone know what it is?). I could get rather close, so he seemed much more focused on his food supplement than me: I was just randomly snapping pictures in our little arboretum because I liked the look of the little lean to for the drainage area. It wasn't til I got home and looked at the pictures I saw the little cardinal right in the middle of it. It is weird how if you are the one taking pictures you can't really enjoy it, as though you were never really there: Even the plants were getting into the bright spring day, bursting through the ground. Hopefully we don't get a late frost (which we always do) that kills them all off: The other cool thing about having the agriculture part separate from the rest of the university means we can have animals running around at the Animal Science building (ah grandfather laws).
The horses were in super high spirits yesterday, rolling on the ground and running around like kids just freed from a long school day:They may look all lovey dovey but once I was done snapping the pictures they both snorted and ran away from each other:And that was the few bits of nature I got to enjoy on a very rare 70 degree March day.
Oh and don't worry it's cold and miserable with rain today, so life is back to normal here.
What do you do when it's just such a nice day out you have to get out to do something? How's Spring coming along where you live?
I am the random fact lady. For some reason my brain just retains these little snippets of information so I can pull them out of thin air at a moments notice.
There's one that has been sitting on my mind I want to share that really I am surprised we aren't taught about more in school. I did not learn of it til I got into college and took a Reproductive and Physiology course (the same semester I also took Embryology and Breeding, it was a hard time for my husband).
Everyone defaults to female. It is the reason that both sexes have an X chromosome but you only find the Y in males (women have double X because the extra X goes through chromosomal silencing. It is never expressed).
It is the Y chromosome that contains genes encoding for a special enzyme. This enzyme then converts testosterone into a different hormone that causes a change in an early embryonic organ called the wollfian duct. This duct in the presence of secondary testosterone then turns into the male reproductive organs.
While female embryos with no secondary testosterone hormone have their wollfian duct form down a different path and create the female reproductive organs. So it is only with this override of a hormone that you get what is traditionally considered male.
This means that when we were all conceived each of us, regardless of what gender we are now, would be considered women.
Makes the differences between men and women seem a whole lot smaller now, doesn't it?
Shesh, it was a birthday party yesterday and today it's the wearing o' the green. I'm fast becoming party central.
It's that strange day where we celebrate 3,000 times harder than Ireland ever did and everyone wishes they were Irish. So I agreed to try my hand at cooking some corned beef (it's currently stewing in the crock pot at home):
The funny thing is, it's the one thing my Polish/Slavic husband is craving while I, the Irish/German, couldn't really care less about.
Maybe it's because traditionally the Irish would eat boiled cabbage and St. Patricks day was originally a solemn day for going to mass (and no drinking). It wasn't til the mass immigration to the States that it became warped into a huge partying, drinking, green mass celebration.
We should make another rocking Saint day. Maybe Saint Sebastian. We could all run around with arrows through our heads and have archery contests. Or Happy St. Francis of Assisi. It's bring your animals to work day!
But even though I may not be crazy about corned beef, I still try to be a nice wife and make it for my husband. He's completely on his own when it comes to sauerkraut. I loathe that stuff.
Is anyone else out there celebrating with their little green outfit, shamrocks, or the traditional green beer?
I am afraid that when it comes to history's great ledger I am going to be known for only painting wedding dresses and doggies. But what can I say? I like painting wedding dresses and doggies.
This one actually comes about before the bride has walked down the aisle (I never really thought of it but I guess it would be kinda cool to have a painting of the area your getting married at at your wedding).
So here is Jennifer's painting, along with her puppy who can't attend and some mountains and other fun stuff in the background.
So I guess if anyone wants one but hasn't actually made it down that aisle yet as long as you have a picture of you in your dress that's all I really need to make your own painting (doggies in the foreground are optional).
Just leave me a comment, e-mail me, or something with etsy. I'll get in contact through one of those means (could be carrier pigeon too so put your gargoyles on alert).
Now back to fighting with my Yellowstone river scenery. Why must trees hate me so?
Yep, Introverted Bride Wife. And what do you get for something that's just turned that big 0-1? Why a cupcake of course:You just pinch its little columns and tickle its footers. Now if only I could get the paper hat on my computer I'd be all set.
I could revel in what was the most commented on or most read post I've made, but that's boring stuff. Besides I know the real reason why I am still posting over a year out, all of you.
Without my handful of readers and those readers who leave me lovely messages so I can track you back and attack when you least expect it I'm sure I would have given up a long long time ago.
So I made you all cupcakes too!
Cate (who at the time was Guilty) was probably my first and still is my most prolific commenter. All of her upbeat and fun messages sure made me want to keep right on trucking along as I navigated this wild river to blogging streams. Your baby will probably love a nice tasty red velvet and cream cheese cupcake, right?
Linda sort of feels like my right hand man at times. I know that no matter how incredibly nerdy of a joke or reference I make she's sure to get it. Plus her husband loves Discworld, and that makes anyone super cool in my book. Oh and she was also my first painting commission ever.
Everyone knows Jenna, prolific blogger and artist extraordinaire. It's impossible to imagine the blogging world without her. She's kinda like the den mother, visiting and talking with a whole bunch of little blogs getting the word out about which ones she thinks are something special. If there's one person you know who will have some awesome stuff and also share it with you personally it's her.
Riley (aka Rachel) amazes me with her interior decorating abilities. She can take any room and make it look like it fell out of a magazine. But what I like most about her is that she's so warm and open and I know if there's one person I can count on to provide me with a few paragraphs of comments it's her. I love it whenever I can spark a little discussion.
Jennifer was one of the early ones too, who was sure to applaud every weird turn my wedding planning stuff took and had some amazing stuff of her own to show off. She's gotten busy what with having a broken foot and all but I'm sure she'll come back in full force soon.
And then cupcakes for all your nOObs, for valerie and her devil kitty, for Amy and her crazy expanding website/blog, for Bean a special Gluten free cupcake, for Chesney for being awesome from being from Nebraska, for Melissa for also being from the land of corn and cows, for Deadmans Log a special bat shaped cupcake, for Lindsey and her upbeat sunshine.
Without all of you there's just no way I'd be writing this today (though I'm sure I'd still be married so you can't claim kudos for that no matter how much I know you want to). Now to look towards the future, where cars fly through the air and people have mood changing pants and everyone loves THE HYPNOTOAD!
Yesterday was gorgeous, a beautiful bright blue sky and just hoovering around jacket or no jacket weather.
But after spending last week watching the terror from daycare (not that he really was a terror for us at all, just for him mom some days) I agreed this week we'd finally be able to do what my husband was practically drooling over. Need a better hint? How about a picture of the ticket while sitting in the seats (I am sure all the other patrons thought I was completely out of my gourd). I could probably write a long winded review about my own thoughts on the film but there's really no point. I do have an interesting perspective as someone who never read the original but was still open to the idea (IE I wasn't the stereotypical wife/girlfriend being drug along).
All I'll say is I can see where they were going with it but it was kinda like watching someone try to copy a famous painting. They have the basic shape and color pattern but the feel and the layers are all laid bare. So at the end all you really want to do is go back to the source material.
Or like Hollywood taking a beloved work of literature and dumbing it down to what they think the general public's level is.
For any Watchmen or just comic book geek fans though, you got to check out this little video. Rorschach and Wolverine on the same team, that's a terrifying thought.
If I ever got it in my head that on top of painting I also need to be making candles I'd right off the bat have to figure out a way to make a Dill Candle. I just love the smell of fresh dill. So yummy and green:If you were going to make a new candle or scent what would it be?
I also took this picture yesterday while eating lunch. Pretty boring eh? Except this was something my husband actually got for doing Taste Testing. He does taste testing all the time, from things like ham, to cheese puffs, to peanut butter hamburgers.
And in exchange for eating some sometimes really weird tasting food he always gets a little food treat. Usually it's a candy bar, occasionally fresh fruit but sometimes it's more random things like this:All I've learned from my husband is that I would never ever want to get paid to be on a taste panel. God knows what you'd wind up eating.
I just had my first official evaluation at my new job, and I came out with flying colors (I really should strap those markers down).
Apparently I'm doing most everything else okay, but when it comes to organization I am the cream of the crop. I have no idea where the hell that came from, but hey as long as I keep spinning those plates and don't have them all crash down on me I should be set right?
So how to reward myself?
I could streak out some bacteria onto a plate for tomorrow.
Or I could listen to one of my all time favorite Celtic songs:
I could clean off my desk and see if there actually is wood underneath all those papers.
Oh I know, I'll make a post. That's the best way to celebrate everything after all.
Happy Friday everyone. Have a great weekend. I'll have a double one as all the students ship off from Spring Break, he he he.
YES! It's my 100th day of pictures and I'm just getting my second wind! Take that all you naysayers who thought my life would be far too boring to document each day (pretty much it was just I that was my naysayer, I'll punish myself later I promise).
And not only that but it's also Friday the 13th! Oh no look out for Freddy and Jason and the boogie man and a cat that glares at you with a mean face.
Hang on, hang on.
Didn't we just have one of these like a month ago?
You know, I'm not your press agent or anything, but if you keep showing up every month people just aren't going to be as in awe of you Mr. Friday the 13th.
Kinda like having ice cream for breakfast everyday. Sure you're thrilled the first few days, you're getting a touch tired of it after the first 2 weeks, come a month and you're dreaming of pancakes and cereals at work. If you somehow managed to last a year on the all ice cream breakfast you're sure to be a mad blubbering shell of what you once were.
So really, Friday the 13th, do you want to turn insane bashing mirrors on your head while you walk cats under ladders? I didn't think so. Let's try to dial it back, please.
Now for the picture of today. It comes from us via the halls right in front of the lab:
They've been slowly replacing the floor. And by slowly I mean they'll rip up random tile off the floor down a hall and slowly replace a handful over the rest of the day (this was taken at about 3 yesterday so they only got a small patch finished).
Last week there was one point when I couldn't leave the lab as they were all huddled around the floor right outside the door putting sticky glue down. (Sounds like an evil plan by certain PI's that really wish they could chain their grad students to the bench).
I say we should have a "Floor Missing" day declared so we can all go home and be thankful we have a floor there. Maybe get a pinata of a mop and broom or something. Hug your vacuum.
Is anyone trying to steal your floor where you work? I am getting better at playing Black Hopscotch at least, dodging and weaving over the missing tiles.
The better question though, who is going to join me in a letter writing campaign to suggest Friday the 13th take a break for the year? Maybe visit friends and family (I hear the Ides of March is missing him) and just give us a break from all those stupid articles that get put up about how suspicions work and the history behind it all. Only together can we make a difference.
Okay so I already did cute onesies, now onto adorable bibs.
A lot of bibs were the same thing over and over, joke about liking boobs, joke about being cuter than such and such, joke about never being allowed to date, joke about pooping. I really like these few because they showed some more creative thought.
I really like this one from BitchenStitchen, a great sentiment for Mom's after those 9 or so months and how many hours of labor: While this doesn't fit my friend this one, from Fun 2 Wear, sure would be perfect for when any newlyweds on the left link decide to start procreating: I expect to hear about every single one of your little ones exploits.
Got a baby with an insatiable appetite? Here's a bib fromChocolatine Children's French Couture and Accessories that looks like someone took a bite out of it: And this is probably my all time favorite from Baby Bees Boutique: I so want a superhero baby now, but not Super Baby. Could you imagine having to try to get a baby with super human strength to take a nap or just stop screaming?
Hm, today I have two different picture themes to show off but I don't know which one.
One's a cooking secret and the other is my latest finished painting (I say finished as I'm in the middle of another wedding dress).
Cooking Secret or Painting?
Painting or cooking secret?
One has food, but you've all seen a lot of food. The other has paint but then again we all know watching paint dry is incredibly boring.
Such hard choices.
Ah to hell with it I'll just show both. First up the cooking secret.
Last night we had chicken fingers (which even though I am almost 26 I still have to have with ketchup mixed with mustard. Best condiment ever) and we don't use the traditional flour breading.
Yep, Butter Crisp crackers. They give a nice crisp flavor and crunch to the chicken fingers you don't get with flour. Plus we get to drag out our mortar and pestle and pretend we're alchemists. Dash of unicorn horn, dragon's scale, something about a drabe.
And tada we made gold! Okay so the gold is more brown and has chicken in the middle, close enough.
Looks pretty tasty right?I also love to add the crackers to hamburgers when I'm going to grill them. Along with some grey poupon and Worcestershire it adds a really nice flavor that the crackers suck up and also give the burgers a slight buttery flavor.
Well that's all I got for cooking secrets. I know it wasn't anything all that exciting or good, so here's the B story.After getting such a neat ocean scene from Kelly's painting I wanted to try something of a puppy just sitting at the beach staring at the ocean.
It still needs a few touch ups and I'm not crazy about the puppy but this came out looking kinda sad and forlorn. Like the puppy is just sitting there waiting for his master to come back.
Also on the painting horizon I bought myself a spot in the Etsy Showcase wedding section. So if you're wandering around in there and see my painting up top be sure to say hi.
So which part did you prefer more, the A or B story? Do you want more characterization from the easel? Who here hated the dishwasher? Round of hands.
Hi everyone, every now and again I receive a little e-mail in the ol' blog inbox asking if I wouldn't mind putting up a banner here or ad there for some either large or new upcoming company.
While I can understand why other bloggers like and welcome sponsors it just isn't really for me. If I find something I find cool I like to highlight it all on my own without any monetary incentive. It still seems quite strange too that someone would pay me money for the weird random things that come out of my mouth, some days I feel almost like I should be paying all you who have to suffer through it (especially on days that end in 'Y').
But today I got something that I felt seemed like a fun idea to pass on and I wouldn't get a thing out of it. Apparently Macy's (who I have to hate according to my Chicago husband for what they did to Fields) and Tyler Florence (who I like to think of as Bobby Flay light. He's like Bobby Flay but without all the filling Calories) have teamed up to fight crime and clean up the streets.
When not wearing skin tight outfits and bright tights they thought it might be fun to start a little contest aimed at Newlyweds or Nearlyweds. It asks for you to answer the question "What Gets You Cooking?"
I know for me it's the need for glucose, nutrients, vitamins and I also really like setting things on fire.
But if you have a better answer than mine just have to film a little 2 minute video about yourself showing off your answer with some of your favorite foods or cooking skills and upload it here at their site.
If Macy's decides you are the most marketable (and just about everyone who visits here I think would look great in a commercial or two) then here are the possible prizes you could win taken from their website:
"One grand-prize winner receives a trip for two to San Francisco for a $2,500 kitchen shopping spree with Tyler Florence at Macy's that will be featured on an upcoming podcast. The winner will also appear with Tyler in the final podcast. Nine runner-ups will receive a $1,000 Macy's gift card. "
They also have all the other submissions up on their site if you want some ideas to outshine the competition (I suggest getting a DJ, light show, and a talking camel).
And if you do win and meet up with Tyler Florence could you please mention my Bobby Flay quip to him? I'm sure he'll love it.
Ah Spring, when a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of digging his car out of the snow.
I'm not really a fan of Dickens but I just found this quote about March and it's perfect for the week we're having:
"It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade." ~Charles Dickens Yes, that really is snow on those leaves mixed in with some bright green grass that thought it was time to pop out.
To me that pretty much symbolizes March in Nebraska, the foliage is doing its damnedest to grow but the weather loves to mess with its head by tossing a random snow storm here and there.
"In the spring I have counted one hundred and thirty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours. ~Mark Twain"
To combat this annoying is it or isn't it time of March, I turn to Monsieur Yankee Candle.
The bright crisp green smell of Dune Grass or Green house puts me in mind of fresh clipped grass and Bay Breeze is a soft wind off a large body of some type of water (I don't think banana bread really needs any explanations).
What do you do when you're in a Spring mood but the weather refuses to cooperate? How's the weather out there in your neck of the woods?
The better question though is anyone else as addicted to Yankee as I am?
My best friend is due to have her second baby boy at the end of May (her son is so cute, he said he was gonna help feed the baby at night when Mom and Dad are sleeping and he's gonna call the baby "brother.")
So we all know what that means I need to be doing, looking for adorable onesies and baby shirts!
I love all of these from Teedious and I don't know if I could pick my favorite out of this bunch. I love this one because I probably wanted to be a dinosaur when I was little. Okay so I lied, this is probably by far the cutest of the bunch. What 1 year old doesn't love a little math? It isn't fair, why does all the baby stuff have to be so cute and funny? Damn it, I want a T-Shirt that proclaims how much I want to grow up to be a dinosaur.
Is anyone else out shopping for adorable baby gear? Or do you, during a rather dull afternoon, like to take a little drive around the internet and see what is out there?
Time for another version of "Super Easy recipes anyone can make" or "How I learned to stop worrying and love the dairy counter."
I stumbled upon this when I had no idea what to make for supper one night but had a weird hankering for an alfredo sauce. It was my first attempt at a white sauce so it was an interesting explosion of oopsie and goodness.
All you need to make this "Cleaning out the fridge" sauce is butter, garlic, Parmesan cheese, cream cheese and milk.
I usually start off by cooking up some chicken or pork with a little thyme and parsley (you can't get my away from the spice rack) in butter while my husband sets to chopping up all the garlic. If you're a big garlic fan I'd say use about 3-4 good sized cloves, but if you're only a somewhat fan of that vampiric aromatic maybe start out with 2 and if it's too weak add more the second time.
Once the chicken is done, dump that off onto a waiting plate and add a half stick of butter to the pot and all that nicely minced garlic (another trick, the finer the garlic the stronger the flavor): You'll also want to soften up the cream cheese. If I was smart I would have put the package on the stove when I started cooking so the heat of the stove would start melting it, but I'm not smart so I had to work it with my hands.
I get a bit impatient and just ripped open the packaged and dropped big ooey gooey balls in. Now for the hard part, you have to keep stirring the cream cheese, butter, garlic mixture or it will burn.
No really, don't stop. If you do it'll all go south and then everyone will be crying and hungry and the faeries will show up and try to steal your first born!
As the cream cheese starts to melt, add in the parmesan cheese (about a cup though I wouldn't fault you if you wanted a bit more. Who doesn't want some more cheese?) and slowly add about a cup of milk.
Then back to stirring. Stir, stir, stir. Waiting for everything to melt. Just keep stirring, just keep stirring.
Okay . . . STOP!
Does your sauce look like this (mushrooms optional)? Kinda white and yellow and creamy enough you're sure it will stick to your ribs? Now's a good time to start tasting, though good luck stopping.
Just mix back in the the chicken and plop onto some pasta and voila a very rich but very tasty white sauce. You're gonna have leftovers too, it's so rich it's really hard to eat much. A perfect dinner for those harried Tuesday nights when it's freezing cold out and you have ten other things you need to be doing. Someone needs to make a cookbook devoted to tuesday nights where you can only have at most 10 ingredients.
Big thanks to Rachel and her displaying the painting a made of her wedding dress on her blog (I'd offer you a fruit basket if I actually knew any fruit that was edible at this time of year).
Kelly from My Island Wedding saw it and contacted me. She wanted not just her dress but also one of her husbands tux and then she asked for something I was a touch hesitant on.
She wanted to include a picture of their dog Madchen who had sadly passed on recently. I've only attempted two doggie paintings so far, one looked okay and the other failed spectacularly (hence why you've never seen it). But I really wanted to try.
There has never been a time in my life that I didn't have a dog that was my best bud and I know they always have a little special place in your heart.
So I sat down and through a slight anti-histamine fog (damn trees, stop breeding) somehow I got this beautiful painting out and am still a bit floored that I painted it.
I guess this means I may just be able to paint puppies too. Yay!
I hope you enjoy and love it a lot Kelly. I know I already do.
Oh and if anyone else really wants on, you can still go ahead and get your own from my store or just leave a comment and I'll get in contact with you somehow (once I figure out how to operate this World Wide Web).
Now to paint a picture of a puppy playing on the beach. I hope my husband has something to keep himself occupied with for the new couple of days. I'm gonna be a bit busy.
There needs to be a new law that every Monday after we lose an hour everyone gets a half day to rest and recuperate from all that hard work of changing every single clock they own. Then there's the whole not wanting to wake up thing thanks to melanin.
It isn't just kinda dark out, thanks to our ominous clouds that drizzled rain on us yesterday and Saturday it's pitch black and just as depressing (I don't know why pitch is so depressing, maybe the fact it's always getting driven over).
So write to your congressman to get us our own little Daylight Saving Holiday.
Anyway, back to the pictures:
We now join our preschool child already in full sugar rush:
Meet the latest boychild robot model X37. X37 is amazingly life like, with all the wonders and joys of any of your so called "real boys."
Watch as he fashions wheels for his 4 wheeler out of nothing more simple than 5 lb hand weights: Creativity is the newest addition to our robots, including a game simulator wherein he shall turn every challenge he meets into a game.
X37's battery supply is replenished with just a trip or two out into the sun, but what would a "real boy" be without his incessant need for everything sugary and gooey? So upon a trip to the store we find X37 begging for the perfect glucose delivery system: Peeps. X37 even comes with his own "Introverted/Extroverted" switch. When you are in the mood for a talking, people pleasing child just flip to "E," but when Mom needs a break "I" will make sure your X37 will hide his face on your shoulder or dash behind your legs: Order soon, and we'll throw in the "I want a baby brother/sister" option along with your own special set of Ginsu knives.
X37 is waiting for your love with open arms: Note: X37's have been known to have small coolant leaks at night and need to be washed regularly to clear out all the gunk they accumulate. They will also display their need for a batter recharge by screaming, throwing things, crying, and just generally being a pain in the ass.
Whew, has it been a whirlwind of a day and a half. And with us losing an hour all thanks to Benjamin Franklin I think I'll keep this as succinct as possible as we still have some cars to go fish out of the pipes and hand prints on the wall to clean up.
My husband and my best friend's son are like two peas in a pod. They started out the day playing with Legos:Once they were done making trolley toting snowmobiles and Giraffe men, I helped Brettman paint a pretty picture. If there is one fun thing you can do at che Sabrina's its paint to your hearts content:With the painting done and drying, and we'd cleaned up all little fingers and toes (and arms and elbows), it was time for some more playing. This time we all watched Cars while playing cars:What's a day of visiting without getting the chance to act like your a dog? At least he doesn't chew up slippers:Time for some male bonding over the PS2 and Sonic the ADHD Hedgehog: It's been a long day full of play and crazy kid antics (like playing Green on the drive back from Lunch where you point out everything that's green. Great game, they should make a game show out of it). But I think my husband really enjoyed it.
At least Brettman did:Now to clean up the mess and get back to our boring adult lives.
Shall I Compare Thee to an Orange's Day? A sonnet for my devoted apple
Shall I compare thee to an orange's day? Thou art more lovely and more crisp. With your supple and green skin to say, Take a bite, even enjoyed by will 'o' the wisps . When the cool winds of spring do begin, And flowers shake off their winter fluff ; I race to the grocery store to find you within, One, two, three aplenty I can never buy enough. But your siren call lures me from your place For you are no apple covered in spots; But a perfect example to which the eye is drawn , My teeth begin this mastication work in lots And much like hunting season to a fawn, Before I know it you are completely gone.
Okay okay, no more poetry I promise. I just love apples that much they're worth eeking out a few lines.
Soon our place will be attacked by a wonderful and funny 4 year old, so if I go missing for a few days just assume I'm covered in paint with a few hot wheels jammed in my ears singing the Thomas the Tank theme song for hours on end.
Don't forget to set forward your clocks either. Our weekends were getting to dull anyway, we may as well get rid of an hour or two.
The worst thing about inspiration is that it will strike at the most inopportune times (for me it's usually just as I'm about to fall asleep. Inspiration is a real bastard like that).
Remember that cardinal I painted a while back? Bright red? In a tree? Blue background? Nice picture that turned out well. There was just one problem, I painted it on paper and not canvas.
So I sat down and attempted to repaint the picture to a different size using different paint colors. It was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be.
Here's the original on paper:
And here's the new one on canvas. The canvas is actually square so some branches went bye bye, but I could make the cardinal bigger to humor my husband:
And just to prove it really is on canvas this time, here's a bottom shot:
Good to know I can get a good mass production going on of birds in trees. So how many can I put you down for? You know there's a tax break if you order more than 1,000.
I'll just leave some reading material here for you and you can talk with our sales rep later.
No, really, I can picture God up there lounging on a cloud (possibly made out of cream cheese if I understand commercials right) laughing hysterically at the weather we've been getting.
Yesterday we hit a high of 74 in early March! But what makes him giggle to himself? Why the simple fact that come tomorrow -- Saturday -- the day when most people can get out and enjoy the beautiful weather, it'll be rainy and just above freezing.
Ha ha ha, great joke. Really. I'm laughing on the inside, I swear.
Okay so I couldn't let the gorgeous weather fully pass me by so I did talk my hubby into a little walk around our apartment complex.
The bad thing about having gorgeous weather in early March is that while the temperature is wonderful the panoramic is mostly browns and yellows. We won't get any good signs of spring til at least mid April. But I promised pictures, so pictures I will provide.
The geese seemed happy preening on the side of our little pond, til I showed up. He he he, they scatter upon sight of me now: Just behind our apartment complex sits a town home that was being built just as the housing bubble burst. For the past year it's sat unoccupied but what makes it even weirder is this plastic fence they put up around it.
For anyone that's ever visited Nebraska especially during our tornado season you'll know just how incredibly stupid a plastic fence is. A normal day for us the wind is at least spluttering at 20 MPH, we get a bit concerned when it gets into the 50 range and windy is at least 70 MPH.
Guess what wind that strong does to plastic. Mostly this: I think this last picture pretty much sums up what has happened in the economy lately. You have a white picket (really plastic) fence fencing off nothing but scrub land because someone just assumed they could build another house behind it and put the fence up before they could: I also took a few cool pictures of a spider that thawed and dropped by to say hi, but I know some people are scared to death of the things (I find them fascinating myself, and they eat annoying flies) so here are just the links to Spider 1 and Spider 2.
Is anyone else enjoying some strange Spring weather? What do you do when the weather does turn nice all of a sudden? Is there just one thing you have to get out and do before winter closes its evil claw around us once again?
Time for that announcement I promised I'd make today (it's a good one, I swear).
For those of you that have been reading for a long time you know that early on in my painting spree I sat down and painted out not only my wedding dress but also my husbands tux. Okay so I can't paint people (it's the hands and noses, if we didn't have hands and noses I'd be golden) but I have a good eye for fabrics and clothing.
I really like my two paintings and I got to thinking, maybe someone else would also like a little painting of their own dress. In fact I've already done two of the more prominent wedding blog-o-sphere newlyweds.
The first was of Jenna'sEvelyn based upon one of millions of gorgeous pictures she had from her wedding.
This picture of her painting was actually taken by That Wife herself as I have no skills at taking pictures of my own paintings. They always look so much better in real life.She wanted some emphasis put on the brooch and I really am still a touch gobsmacked at how it turned out. Maybe I should get some pins so I can paint angels on them or something.
My other newlywed painting was of Rachel's dress from Girl Learning Along the Way. I worked to capture the fullness of her skirt and also to show how light and airy it was. I love the color purple she picked for the background too, it really set the whole thing off.
So what does all that have to do with you? Why I am offering the same deal to anyone else who wants their own wedding dress painting at my store on etsy. For just $15 I'd paint a small painting keepsake of your wedding dress.
But for all of you my, blogger friends, I offer a better deal. If you'd like your own painting, I'll give you a $5 reduction and only charge you for the cost of supplies and shipping.
If that's still too much, you can get your own wedding dress painting for a whole $5 (so basically shipping price) by mentioning my Etsy store on your own blog in a post.
I don't have to do just wedding dresses either. I could do say a mothers dress as a present, or a series of bridesmaids dresses, or another idea I've had is to do both the tux and dress dancing together. The background is completely customizable as well.
And for all of you who are still waiting on your own wedding, don't worry I'll keep this deal open.
Somedays I get really sick and tired of all the stupid gender stereotypes floating around. The idea that women turn into soul sucking demons once a month thanks to the dreaded PMS (If you want to see one of the most horrible aps for the iPhone to help men "deal" look here). Or all they really want is someone with tons of money to take care of them while they spend their days shopping for purses or shoes and eating bonbons (I don't think I've had a bonbon a day in my life).
It works the same for guys, there's this weird cultural assumption that men are basically big babies that have to be coddled and can't be trusted with any responsibility til they're at least in their mid 40's. Commercials show the wife treating her husband the same as her three children when it comes to cleaning or meal preparation. Or they get the sitcom stereotype of spending all their time watching TV and drinking a beer.
Today I'm in the mood to break some gender stereotypes when it comes to food preparation.
The ol' assumption goes that while women are expected to do all the cooking and prep work for meals as the man hides out in his den, there is one section that he is domain: the grill. The MAN knows how to prepare MEAT and he leaves all the other little girly stuff up to his little woman.
Well not in our house. My husband liked to stay inside making some fancy side dishes (which I suck at):
Meanwhile I prep the steaks and then I get to play with my all time favorite toy (sorry to any vegetarian readers, though I do grill a mean portabello too. I wish the stores had them back):I was so horribly lost this winter when our propane tank ran out and we didn't want to bother changing it til it warmed up a bit. Oh Mr. Grill, how I missed thee.
When it comes to meat and fire there is none better in our house and I'd argue I can grill better than most guys who feel it is there noblesse oblige two times a year to actually go outside and try to remember how to ignite the poor thing:
What gender stereotypes do you crush beneath your heel? What do you do better than your husband in "man work," or conversely what does your husband do better than you at "women's work"?
I just want to remind the world that we are not all walking stereotypes and our thoughts, hopes, skills and dreams are not wholly determined by our 23rd chromosome.
This first painting started out originally in my mind as a sunset. I wanted to try something with a lot of red, orange and yellow and what better way than a pretty sunset right?
Yeah, it sort of got away from me and started shifting more into a painting of fire. I can't decide if it's dark and depressing or not, but I do like how the mixing worked out and blended well. Failing miserably at making a pretty sunset I made another attempt at a pretty sky, this time a bright spring morning with lovely fluffy clouds. If you can't tell from the 2D picture the clouds are actually coming at you with lots of crazy texture, and all without requiring the aid of those red and green glasses. Fascinating, eh? 3D everything is the wave of the future.
Now to put on my Virtual Reality Goggles and really feel like I'm watching something on Youtube.
I really need to get that pretty cardinal picture on canvas but I'm going to have a small break this weekend as my best friend and her son visit.
Tomorrow I'll have a fun announcement surprise that has something to do with this and this.
I am a murder of envelopes. I, I just can't help myself. As soon as I receive a letter in the mail I cannot contain myself and just rip into the poor thing. Look at these horrible pictures of my latest victim.
The people who can just take out one finger and glide it along the edge amaze me, like watching someone slice up a tomato and then a can with one of those ginsu knives.
My attempts at getting into a piece of mail is like watching someone try to carve a turkey using a plastic butterknife. Using an actual letter opener has always failed, generally with me forgetting all about the thing after using it maybe one so it slips deep into the black hole in my desk only to wind up in the Cowboy universe.
I fear there is no real treatment for my envelopeacide short of me hiring a small gnome to get into my mail or a special incendiary device.
Does anyone else have my same problem when it comes to fighting with that infernal sticky glue on the inner flap or are you one of those amazing people who can slide the perfect edge?
Our wedding cake came from the same grocery store we frequent every week for our daily fix of bread and milk.
The bakery section put on top of the fruit section lots of fake cakes that are changed about four times a year to show off their wedding cake options. Usually it's a pretty interesting mix with at least one or two really neat looking ones. This time; however, I am sorry to say they seemed to be way off their mark.
The trend I kept seeing was stair case cakes, where they put them lopsided just enough to look like a determined toddler could climb up your cake trying to get at that little toy on top. Like the one below. I have a small fear of cakes that are so large and structurally unsound you'll require the assistance of not only an architect but also a health inspector to make sure no one could be harmed in the event the cake does topple.
This is the sample platter of wedding cake. Can't decide between the swirls, dots, or wall paper texture for your wedding? Why not try all of them on one cake.
The color is nice and all, but what's up with the three cake toppers? Did the main wedding cake have little wedding cake babies? Looks like the two furthest out are the shunned wedding cake children only getting a plastic sunflower from the Dollar Store on top. Someone's getting written out of the wedding cake will me thinks.
So it turns out that you planned and booked your wedding on the same day as your Twice Removed Great Aunts birthday and your family is all up in arms for the obvious faux pas. What's a person to do?Why have a wedding birthday cake of course! You could even play Pin the Bouquet on the single bridesmaid or get a wedding clown to make heart shaped balloon animals.
The best part about making a cake in a grocery store is the availability of fresh ingredients. In fact this cake looks like someone finished adding all the swirls and decided it needed a little something. So they pulled out an old fruit and vegetable tray from down below and stuck it on there.
This last cake started out so nicely. They put time and work into making sure it would not tip over and crush small children and you also got the sample platter of texture.
But then there was suddenly a bright flash of light and a loud crash. A UFO landed and was taking over the bakery! They were able to fight them off with whisks and buttercream but not before the tentacled aliens laid their eggs all over their gorgeous wedding cake. I didn't include the Harley Davidson cake because that would be like shooting canned sardines in a barrel.
Wow three months in, a whole trimester gone and just thousands of pixels left in my wake as I wade through "Picture a Day."
Sadly today's is nothing all that interesting, it's just my three little painting shipments all sitting there waiting to make their big splash in the world! Due to the fact that the US government hates you using anything other than their mandated MS Windows, I have to wait to print off a mailing label at work (that's right, I'm an evil Mac user. Fear me!). So yesterday I got the chance to get all three made up (no easy feat with the government) printed off and all ready to be affixed to the packages.
And what happens? I run out of packing tape.
Something that we've had sitting around since we last moved in oh a year and a half ago chooses that perfect moment to hit that terrible yet fuzzy cardboard section. But damnit, I was gonna get these things out come hell or high water so we decided we just needed something from the grocery store last night (I think it was lemon juice and a baby llama) so I could get some tape.
Now they're gone, never to be seen again. I hope they find themselves a good happy home and always remember to eat their vegetables.
Wow, it's rather fitting that this is my 400th post (do I really talk too much, you can tell me. Honest. I won't take offence. No really, feel free. Just one little more word?) as with it I have some exciting news.
I've taken your advice, bundled up my paintings and opened up my own Etsy store. Right now I have 8 of my paintings up for sale, all of them the originals and all of them very reasonable. I don't aim to make money off my hobby, just to make enough to keep me going and hopefully bring someone a little joy with a pretty picture or two.
Now if there is a painting I put up on my blog that you really like you can buy it pretty easy. I'm also very open to making a painting to spec. In fact my first sale at Etsy was to my good blog friend Linda. I made her a pretty abstract sky thing. Man I suck at titles.
I invite you all to have a look around, maybe mention it to friends and family if you know someone who really wants a painting of a waterfall or trees.
This is a weird adventure for me, sending my little pictures off into the big wide world. I just hope they're all wearing a clean change of underpants and remembered their sweaters.
My weekend was one of being trapped inside for fear of all the roaming Yetis that had traveled down from the cold north thanks to our sudden cold snap and snow storm.
Our only excursion out was to forage for food. This is the story of that tale.
We began as we do every morning by surveying the heaps of snow mountains that litter the landscape.
Pay no attention to the cars in the background, this really is a huge 1 mile trek up rocky and snowy terrain.
What do you mean you can see tire tracks at the bottom? Those aren't tire tracks, they're ruts from an avalanche that wiped out an entire village of mountain goats.
Okay so there really is no tale for going out to get groceries. While it was cold and there was a sudden downfall of snow the roads were generally clear and no one was trying to be a hero by basically getting in the way.
Instead I'll change the tone from cold and depressing winter to rather bright and warm but still depressing spring. We found the Easter aisle again.
I fear this bunny may have talked too much. Given away the secret of just how the hell rabbits get their hands on eggs to the wrong person (they contract with Willy Wonka actually) or what's really in peeps so they plucked off his eye:Have you ever heard Chocolate scream?
This is the perfect Easter Basket for anyone who is a big fan of not only giraffes but also The Godfather. I know when I was little I couldn't wait to wake up and go hunting for my Easter Basket that contained the stuffed and mounted head of a herd animal (one year I got a wildebeest). Just makes me feel all fuzzy inside thinking about my tea party with a head of a rabbit, head of a doormouse, and head of the mad hatter.
How was your weekend? Did you manage something a bit more substantial without all the snow and yuck?
Stay tuned too, later today I have a very exciting announcement. It may just change your world (note, will in fact not change your world or have much of an effect on you in anyway. I just used that for dramatic affect.
Every month Jenna at That Wife has a challenge, well okay there's actually three. One for a lifestyle change, one for photography and one for cool new recipes.
For February the challenge for cooking was to come up with a food that was either red or pink. My mind turned to one main dish and thinking I could be so clever by not going with a dessert as I was sure everyone else would I signed up.
Yeah I failed miserably, any and all attempts to find the special spices to make this dish ended in complete and utter failure. But in a weird sort of cap on it all, we braved the new 5-6 inches of snow we got overnight and headed to our favorite Indian restaurant.Where I got to enjoy the dish I had been planning on preparing, some bright red Tandoori chicken.Life has a weird way of working out sometimes doesn't it? Oh well, maybe I can pull off March's challenge. Does it have anything to do with potatoes and cored beef? If so I am all over that one.
If you would like your own personal wedding dress painting you can 
I think the author would be a bit surprised to find out this "husky girl" is not as even tempered as he assumed.
These pretty little purple flowers just popped up almost overnight it seems.
I really like the 
My camera has pretty much no zoom to it so I really was right on top of these poor little bees. Luckily they were a bit busy so they let me be (I don't know if that counts as a pun or not. If it is I am terribly sorry).
And since I have no idea when I'll see the sun again, I'll go out on a sun through the branches pictures (they're starting to become my staple, eh?)
If he looks a little familiar it was actually the organist for our wedding. For a few examples of his work from that 
There's pandas who apparently all moved to the jungle to be with the double mouthed monkeys and lions that really need to lay off the tan bed (pst, manes and spray tan don't mix.) Penguins inhabit the second to top tier of this cupcake tree to give this thing a little class. I think that makes them all angels to the god like oreo Panda 
It's sticky and makes a huge mess when you weigh it out.
If you get up to 15% the thing turns a yucky black. So won't you join me in a boycott of yeast and all yeast type products? 
The blue flowers are probably my favorite. Can't imagine why.
Ten seconds after this picture was taken that squirrel jumped right at me. Or it's the same squirrel that proceeded to scratch his head, I forget.
I've actually had the idea for a painting of a black background with a white tree in my head for a while and this could be a good picture to base it on.
It's got such character and texture, though I fear it'd be a nightmare to paint. I got over my fear of one of the branches swooping in and 
I found what looks like a little abandoned 
Maybe this is like the bachelor pad for squirrelhood. The women all hang out in the nice big nests while the guys get out and sleep under the stars.
Introverted Wife: you may get a laugh, you may get an opinion (or three), but you are 100% 
Hm, what should I paint next? For the first time in a month I don't have a wedding dress to try.
My husband doesn't have an Amazon account!
It's funny how usually we won't really see flowers til May around here but there are a few early sprouters which are so delicate it's a wonder they can fight the cold hard winds and rain of early spring here.
I just love the colors of the blue, red, and white of the branches. This may be another painting.
Speaking of paintings, I added a better picture to my Tulip one down below. Like I said, it looks a lot better than you all thought. Stupid painting not being very photogenic.
I've got another floral type painting in the wings, so all you floral junkies should get your fix soon.
It was so bad I could barely get a picture. I kept having the camera pushed out of my hands by the wind. I was also messing around with 
It was while we went into lab "damn I broke another beaker" glass clean up mode my husband pointed out that not only was this a big pain in the ass but it was also a first.
You know all those firsts you see someone list when you start a relationship or get married? Somehow I doubt breaking your first big glass piece is in there. 
After bleaching it and cleaning her out (and pushing all the crazy buttons) I added our newest little seedlings: 
Hopefully in a month or two we'll have nice fresh cherry tomatoes we'll have no idea what to do with.
While I never used this one, I do remember needing to use the one at the high school more than few times. One time on some trumped up charge claiming I skipped school even though my parents called me in sick (word of advice don't claim I was skipping school when I was home sick with my sick parents). And now it'd be unheard of for anyone to not have a cellphone.
It's got a whole sun peaking out through a dark bitter day going on, eh?
I was a bit surprised at how the rocky cliffs turned out. I wanted to try using my 
I was just randomly snapping pictures in our little arboretum because I liked the look of the little lean to for the drainage area. It wasn't til I got home and looked at the pictures I saw the little cardinal right in the middle of it. It is weird how if you are the one taking pictures you can't really enjoy it, as though you were never really there:
Even the plants were getting into the bright spring day, bursting through the ground. Hopefully we don't get a late frost (which we always do) that kills them all off:
The other cool thing about having the agriculture part 
They may look all lovey 
And that was the few bits of nature I got to enjoy on a very rare 70 degree March day.
You just pinch its little columns and tickle its footers. Now if only I could get the paper hat on my computer I'd be all set.
And this is probably my all time favorite from 
I so want a superhero baby now, but not Super Baby. Could you imagine having to try to get a baby with super human strength to take a nap or just stop screaming?
I also love to add the crackers to hamburgers when I'm going to grill them. Along with some grey poupon and 
After getting such a neat ocean scene from 
The bright crisp green smell of Dune Grass or Green house puts me in mind of fresh clipped grass and Bay Breeze is a soft wind off a large body of some type of water (I don't think banana bread really needs any 
I love this one because I probably wanted to be a dinosaur when I was little.
You'll also want to soften up the cream cheese. If I was smart I would have put the package on the stove when I started cooking so the heat of the stove would start melting it, but I'm not smart so I had to work it with my hands.
Does your sauce look like this (mushrooms optional)? Kinda white and yellow and creamy enough you're sure it will stick to your ribs? 
A perfect dinner for those harried Tuesday nights when it's freezing cold out and you have ten other things you need to be doing. Someone needs to make a cookbook devoted to 
X37 even comes with his own "Introverted/Extroverted" switch. When you are in the mood for a talking, people pleasing child just flip to "E," but when Mom needs a break "I" will make sure your X37 will hide his face on your shoulder or dash behind your legs:
Order soon, and we'll throw in the "I want a baby brother/sister" option along with your own special set of Ginsu knives.
Note: X37's have been known to have small coolant leaks at night and need to be washed regularly to clear out all the gunk they accumulate. They will also display their need for a batter recharge by screaming, throwing things, crying, and just generally being a pain in the ass.
Just behind our apartment complex sits a town home that was being built just as the housing bubble burst. For the past year it's sat unoccupied but what makes it even weirder is this plastic fence they put up around it.
I think this last picture pretty much sums up what has happened in the economy lately. You have a white picket (really plastic) fence fencing off nothing but scrub land because someone just assumed they could build another house behind it and put the fence up before they could:
I also took a few cool pictures of a spider that thawed and dropped by to say hi, but I know some people are scared to death of the things (I find them fascinating myself, and they eat annoying flies) so here are just the links to 
She wanted some emphasis put on the brooch and I really am still a touch gobsmacked at how it turned out. Maybe I should get some pins so I can paint angels on them or something.
I worked to capture the fullness of her skirt and also to show how light and airy it was. I love the color purple she picked for the background too, it really set the whole thing off.
I was so horribly lost this winter when our propane tank ran out and we didn't want to bother changing it til it warmed up a bit. Oh Mr. Grill, how I missed thee.
The people who can just take out one finger and glide it along the edge amaze me, like watching someone slice up a tomato and then a can with one of those ginsu knives.
I have a small fear of cakes that are so large and structurally unsound you'll require the assistance of not only an architect but also a health inspector to make sure no one could be harmed in the event the cake does topple. 
Someone's getting written out of the wedding cake will me thinks. 
Why have a wedding birthday cake of course! You could even play Pin the Bouquet on the single bridesmaid or get a wedding clown to make heart shaped balloon animals. 
Have you ever heard Chocolate scream?
I know when I was little I couldn't wait to wake up and go hunting for my Easter Basket that contained the stuffed and mounted head of a herd animal (one year I got a 
