We took our little Essie on her first walk yesterday. She wasn't so sure about this very annoying piece of strap attached to her collar that kept her from going where she wanted to go.
There were quite a few backflips as she tried to wiggle out of it but after a few minutes she accepted the inevitable and was rather excited to take a little jaunt down the sidewalk exploring something outside her backyard.Sticks are still the best thing since sliced bread (which she hasn't discovered yet and we hope she never does) but she also has a small love of chewing on dandelions and smelling neighbors bushes.
She isn't so sure about those large things that go whooshing by and make loud noises. Which is good, I'd rather she be afraid of cars than go zipping out after one.But she really seemed to enjoy her walk and getting to go out and see the bigger world. The bath afterwards was another story. We're both sporting a handful of sharp puppy nail scratches as she scrabbled out of the tub. Silly water dog.
What was here was my own damn opinion about how unexpected out of the blue marriages go. Especially when you've watched many unprepared marriages end in horrific divorces and had your own niece trapped in an awful situation with a meth dealer because your sister got married to have someone watch the kid.
Experience doesn't count for anything and trying to be rid of emotions and shock will never happen either.
You want to know the honest truth. My husband was fucking pissed he didn't even find out, there was no call, no text nothing. I had to tell him, and I found out from someone else on facebook.
So yes, I was pissed. Pissed that once again because we live two states away we're treated as nothing. Less than nothing really, because we don't have a life and can drop it at the drop of a hat to appease everyone.
This is my life. All 700 posts about the trials and tribulations of trying to deal with a wedding and then newlywed life. It has not all been rosy. I've watched as a 23 year old friend was buried, fought again my own ingrained prejudices about marriage, dealt with the stress of trying to survive in this horrible economy, and at times was horribly stressed and needed an outlet.
So you found it, and made sure to spread it to every single person you can think of for some reason. I really don't want to know nor do I care. You need everyone on your side, fine. I kept it anonymous but you wanted to change all that.
My husband is too afraid to say all the times that he feels pain or stress from what you put him through. How he feels disconnected from everyone and left out, so I hear it and take it in and then it comes back out. I have a horrible time of subconsciously taking in others worries and projecting them myself without realizing it.
But he feels afraid to ever tell anyone any of that because of the very mud you all drag me through. So it builds in a little stress ball, weighing him down so he only feels safe to tell me. Everyone wants to pretend everything is all peachy keen when it isn't.
Yes I write a blog. I have for a while. I kept it anonymous, I used it to help build friendships and to work through my own stresses. It was an escape, a place to lay out all that I was feeling and thinking so instead of rattling in my head messing up my life it'd be on screen in black and white.
I've been hurt in life (and who hasn't). I've had people pick on me and I have to get it out or it will build to something awful. I've already had cousins try to kill themselves because of the pressure they've been under.
I've had my own breakdowns, which is why I don't have a masters. So there, I didn't finish school either because I couldn't take it anymore. But the last fucking thing I am going to do is let you all shun and shame me into stopping what helps me come to terms with things.
I'm sorry that I hurt everyone. That was never my intention, and if it were I would have been plastering everything in everyone's mailbox. No, I was working out frustration and rage and worry in an anonymous format.
Honestly, if I didn't care at all I would have just said congrats and been on my merry little way. Marriage is expensive and hard, Divorce is a million times worse. And probably the worst is an unhappy marriage that people are too scared to end. We only have one trip around the big blue ball and spending years unhappy or stressed out just isn't worth it.
So keep vilifying me, thinking I'm the worst person in the world for sharing my own opinion. There's no way I can change your mind, even with 700 posts of I'm Sorry.