Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Picture a Day - Day 258

First off, cute adorable puppy doing cute adorable puppy things.

We took our little Essie on her first walk yesterday. She wasn't so sure about this very annoying piece of strap attached to her collar that kept her from going where she wanted to go.

There were quite a few backflips as she tried to wiggle out of it but after a few minutes she accepted the inevitable and was rather excited to take a little jaunt down the sidewalk exploring something outside her backyard.Sticks are still the best thing since sliced bread (which she hasn't discovered yet and we hope she never does) but she also has a small love of chewing on dandelions and smelling neighbors bushes.

She isn't so sure about those large things that go whooshing by and make loud noises. Which is good, I'd rather she be afraid of cars than go zipping out after one.But she really seemed to enjoy her walk and getting to go out and see the bigger world. The bath afterwards was another story. We're both sporting a handful of sharp puppy nail scratches as she scrabbled out of the tub. Silly water dog.

What was here was my own damn opinion about how unexpected out of the blue marriages go. Especially when you've watched many unprepared marriages end in horrific divorces and had your own niece trapped in an awful situation with a meth dealer because your sister got married to have someone watch the kid.

Experience doesn't count for anything and trying to be rid of emotions and shock will never happen either.

You want to know the honest truth. My husband was fucking pissed he didn't even find out, there was no call, no text nothing. I had to tell him, and I found out from someone else on facebook.

So yes, I was pissed. Pissed that once again because we live two states away we're treated as nothing. Less than nothing really, because we don't have a life and can drop it at the drop of a hat to appease everyone.

This is my life. All 700 posts about the trials and tribulations of trying to deal with a wedding and then newlywed life. It has not all been rosy. I've watched as a 23 year old friend was buried, fought again my own ingrained prejudices about marriage, dealt with the stress of trying to survive in this horrible economy, and at times was horribly stressed and needed an outlet.

So you found it, and made sure to spread it to every single person you can think of for some reason. I really don't want to know nor do I care. You need everyone on your side, fine. I kept it anonymous but you wanted to change all that.

My husband is too afraid to say all the times that he feels pain or stress from what you put him through. How he feels disconnected from everyone and left out, so I hear it and take it in and then it comes back out. I have a horrible time of subconsciously taking in others worries and projecting them myself without realizing it.

But he feels afraid to ever tell anyone any of that because of the very mud you all drag me through. So it builds in a little stress ball, weighing him down so he only feels safe to tell me. Everyone wants to pretend everything is all peachy keen when it isn't.

Yes I write a blog. I have for a while. I kept it anonymous, I used it to help build friendships and to work through my own stresses. It was an escape, a place to lay out all that I was feeling and thinking so instead of rattling in my head messing up my life it'd be on screen in black and white.

I've been hurt in life (and who hasn't). I've had people pick on me and I have to get it out or it will build to something awful. I've already had cousins try to kill themselves because of the pressure they've been under.

I've had my own breakdowns, which is why I don't have a masters. So there, I didn't finish school either because I couldn't take it anymore. But the last fucking thing I am going to do is let you all shun and shame me into stopping what helps me come to terms with things.

I'm sorry that I hurt everyone. That was never my intention, and if it were I would have been plastering everything in everyone's mailbox. No, I was working out frustration and rage and worry in an anonymous format.

Honestly, if I didn't care at all I would have just said congrats and been on my merry little way. Marriage is expensive and hard, Divorce is a million times worse. And probably the worst is an unhappy marriage that people are too scared to end. We only have one trip around the big blue ball and spending years unhappy or stressed out just isn't worth it.

So keep vilifying me, thinking I'm the worst person in the world for sharing my own opinion. There's no way I can change your mind, even with 700 posts of I'm Sorry.

13 comments:

Leslie said...

Sounds good, are you going to post this one on facebook like the rest?

withoutadornment said...

Well, some people are amazing. And I ... er... mean that in the ...nicest way possible. :P

Michelle Simpson Photos said...

Incredible. I unfortunately have a couple stories like that playing out before my eyes as well. Not much you can do...

Krista said...

First, the reason you see that it's wrong is that you ARE distance.

Second, what do you say when you don't think it's a wise decision? Most people just say "congrats", no matter what they think.

Third, they do sound like they forgot to mature past the age of 15. I remember those days ... careful, no responsibilities, free room and board, the WHOLE SUMMER OFF! It was great. But that doesn't mean I want to ACT 15 again! :)

Do you know if other family members feel the same way? If so, you should start a "divorce pool": pick the month and year they'll get divorced! (Just kidding!)

As for the innocent daughter ... even if they're not the greatest parents (mother / stepfather) for the little girl (poor thing), it sounds like her grandparents are there. I mean, they've been letting their daughter and granddughter live with them for free. Is that the case? I hope so.

Linda said...

Sadly some people stumble into marriage blindly and without taking the time to see if it's the right decision. Say congrats and thank every deity in the world that you are not them.

Rachel said...

First of all, your puppy is so adorable. Don't mind seeing pics of her everyday.

I have a genius cousin who is about as smart as your husband's. I think we all can see where that is heading. And the little girl?? Yeah, it makes me see red too. We can only hope that they both come to their senses.

Chesney said...

Just return to puppy haven, your smiles will return immediately!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the insulting, un-informed views on two people you have met less than 4 times in your lif.

Anonymous said...

Its also funny, because i spent a lot of time defending you and Rich's marriage. Thanks.

Ruby Slippers said...

Ah, the meaning of lif. :-)

Leslie said...

Typically if it's a good relationship, it stands out.

There are certain factors that definitely indicate a bad relationship too. (i.e. Talking about what or who you'd do if you ever broke up.) Some people just don't get it.

Others, like my brother, found the PERFECT girl and got engaged after 9 months. They have everything in common and although they don't have their financial situation in complete order, they're working together to work things out. He also called to tell his family right away (actually even before he told his fiancee), even though he lives on the east coast and we're all here in Nebraska.

HAVE SOME COURTESY! Your family will love you no matter what, but that doesn't mean you should disrespect them by telling the internet world before them! (Sorry about the minor rant.)

If you think you're ready for marriage, fine. Go ahead, but don't come back later and complain that it didn't work out. I'm quite sure that Sabrina's not saying you can't get married, but she's warning you. It is NOT easy.

My husband and I have been married for about 4.5 years now. We've been together for 11. There's a reason for that. I love my husband very much, but we were not ready for marriage right off the bat. We had many financial struggles before marriage and at the beginning. It's not that they can't be worked out, but it takes a LOT of cooperation and hard work. We also have college degrees (I finished mine while living 2 hours away after we got married and had our first child - Talk about a hardship in our marriage.), which allows us to have better jobs.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is just beware. Marriage is tough. Try being apart for a while (a long distance). After that, you'll know whether your marriage can survive. Figure out whether you can handle it financially too before you take the plunge.

BTD said...

So I just want to ask all those commenting, do you know me? Have you been there for the highs and lows of my relationship. Also, why do you care? My marriage will change your lives in no way.

To call me a 15 year old, without seeing what my life is funny. I have paid my own bills, purchased cars on my own with no co-signer, etc. Worry about yourselves first. I am not religious at all, but one bible passage is true. He who is without sin shall cast the first stone. Thanks for listening.

Jennifer said...

Wow. All I can say is wow. double headdesk.