Monday, July 13, 2009

How to care for your introvert

I get a lot of very strange and disheartening google searches from people who clearly are way in over their heads when it comes to interacting with an introvert. Even though this is about 8 months too late I felt today was a good day to try and come up with a good guide on how to deal with Introverts.

How to Care for Your Introvert:Congratulations on the purchase of your new introvert. They shall provide you with hours of love, attention and quietly sitting in a corner not being talked to. But your introvert requires a few extra care techniques and understanding so you can enjoy their full blooms year round.

Housing your Introvert

You're going to want to bring your introvert home as soon as you get her but you may first want to proof your house. The phone is a major point of contention for introverts and should be put up out of her reach. Any talkative neighbors should be warned that you will be bringing home an introvert and that they should act accordingly *see section Encountering an Introvert*

Set up a special "quiet place" for your introvert. A comfortable chair or small lounge with a ready source of light and favorite books will help your introvert to unwind after a long day spent dealing with extroverts and small talk. Preferably they should be able to close the door and not have to worry about a soul barging in baring tornadoes, floods, hurricanes or big fires.

Training your Introvert

All introverts are not created equal. While some feel almost at home in small social gatherings and only need an hour to wind down others would break out into a sweat if they had to deal with more than one person at a time. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO DETERMINE JUST WHAT LEVEL YOUR INTROVERT IS!

Just how introverted she is will help to determine the level of training you can expect. If your introvert cannot handle large gatherings then you cannot expect her to feel comfortable in a 500+ crowd full of people she does not know.

Conversely do not always assume that your introvert will run shrieking for a locked bedroom when faced with meeting a stranger. It is best to ask your introvert just what level of discourse she feels up to and plan accordingly with a bubble bath and good book waiting at home afterwards.

Your introvert knows best just what she is capable of and if not listened to could turn violent and claw her way out of any unwanted situation. Training must be taken slowly with lots of recovery time.

Encountering an Introvert

In your day to day activities you are sure to encounter an introvert sitting quietly at their desk, placing a coffee order, or standing in the back of an elevator. While you may be tempted to start up a long conversation about the weather or local sports teams it is extremely important that you watch the introvert for cues.

If they start to give you one word answers, look down, or cover their eyes so they can't see you anymore you must stop talking immediately and turn away. An introvert could turn into a wild and dangerous animal at any moment. They live in their brains playing out just how a conversation should go and if it doesn't they are left panicky and scared if not given enough time to compose their thoughts.

Follow this care guide and you to can enjoy your introvert damage free for years to come.

But for Godsake do not expect us to just throw on a dress and entertain 50 people we don't know at a moments notice. That's the perfect way to make sure an introvert never talks to you again.


Leslie said...

Sounds like you're beginning to prepare for the in-law's house. Just be thankful for the time in the car with JUST your husband on the way home.

DCKate said...

This is all SO true. J and I are both introverts, though he moreso than me. We spend a lot of time at home... but I love it! Is your husband an introvert, too? How does it affect your relationship?

Angela said...

As an introvert, I want to change one of your sentences to this: "They live in their brains playing out just how a conversation should go and if it doesn't, they are left plotting the perfect plan to exact their revenge upon you."
Extroverts may also want to hide all sharp objects when an introvert is present. Just saying.