Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Picture a Day - Day 237

For the first three days of vacation we were scrambling to get everything we owned across town to the house (we don't really need a lamp or microwave right?), put away in some semblance of order (I will never see my kitchen's counters ever again) and getting the lawn down from its jungle status to something a bit more pasture like (really funny God, making it rain every day. I'm laughing on the inside).

It was in this state that early Thursday morning we abandoned all of our projects and set off on the 8 hour drive to Chicago:We got in with a few hours to sit around staring blankly at the wall as that's all the human brain can handle when faced with an 8 hour drive through mind numbing Iowa. Then it was dressed in black tie and off to the rehearsal dinner at the Parent's of the Groom's house time.

Neither me or my husband wanted or needed to be there, we stood in the foyer waiting for some sort of instruction as our brains were still back at a rest stop, and there was a general mood of awkwardness at not knowing how to react to piling a ton of people in a strangers house while nibbling on some of the weirdest appetizers (I now know how to make easy gazpacho soup, just get a huge jar of Pickles and strain some of the juice into a shot glass, then serve on a fancy tray and charge $4 a shot).

The Bride herded us all thankfully out to the yard to some awaiting chairs and a makeshift aisle to start the rehearsal. Finally some focus.Then the fun began for those of us who had already done the wedding thing. There were no coordinators and their officiant was an uncle who had never officiated a wedding before. So it was a long line of people having no idea how to start rehearsing, where to stand and that they should really put down their wine glasses and beer bottles for a few minutes. (That reminds me I should really send some flowers to my wedding coordinator and minister, there's no way we could have done it without those two wonderful women.)
While my husband lined up (he did have one little job, to walk his mother down the aisle) I sat back contemplatively staring around like a newborn taking it all in when the bride asked all of us there not in the bridal party to sit down. So I did. On the right side.

Sorry, you may have missed the significance there. I dared to sit down on the right side! The side devoted to the groom's family (of which all were in the bridal party and therefore no one was sitting there)!

If you missed just what a faux pas I made at a rehearsal where the only people there are the bridal party you aren't alone. My feet have been killing me thanks to moving and a lovely blister/bunion thing developing on my heel, so I was just happy to get to sit down. Not caring a flick for what side I was on.

And while the bride was getting everyone else in order the mother of the groom stomped over like a rampaging parade float, stuck her face in mine and said "This is where the groom's family sits. Well I suppose we can accept you for one day, if we have to."

After working our asses off so we could get there on time, being both physically and mentally exhausted to have this attention whore (what is it with all the MOG's that think the wedding is their lately? I thought it was supposed to be the MOB) get in my face and tell me I'm not wanted I just lost it. I stood up to not sully her precious unused seats and stood the entire fucking rehearsal.Hell I couldn't even sit on the bride's side if I wanted because it was full up. Great way to play hostess make sure to not have enough chairs and then demand anyone who isn't in the right category get the hell out. (Never mind making people drink pickle juice)

I was this close to just up and walking out of the whole damn thing (that or screaming my lungs off for a while in the front lawn). But I did my best to keep it together for the bride -- plus I had no idea where the hell we were. I don't get suburbs, how do you know when you're in a different town -- and instead curled up with a few glasses of wine and joked around with some of the family that would accept me.

The MOG even had the audacity to come up to me later in the night and ask if anything was wrong (believe me she knew exactly what she did as she said the same thing during the wedding just before everyone was lining up claiming that it only mattered how her family was seated as they were the only important ones).

I just turned and walked away avoiding looking or acknowledging her. Thank God we live eight hours away and will never have to see them again. Or there may be a shouting match in my future.
And that was the dreaded rehearsal dinner. It was torture but not from anyone I'll ever have to see again so it could have been a lot worse.


Leslie said...

The last photo is the best.....If I were you, I'd be getting it printed really big and putting it up in my new house somewhere.

Ruby Slippers said...

Ok, seriously, what is wrong with these people? Why do they hate you so much? I think you are clever (hello, the sciency job alone gives that away!) and really funny, witty and just generally awesome. You are probably someone I would be friends with in real life. Honestly, I don't get why they have to force you guys to come to their wedding and then treat you like crap once you're there. I hope you do never have to see them again! No one should put up with that shit.

I am in such a bad mood today because our landlords have started treating us in an unexplicable slightly hostile way, so I feel like championing you!

Chesney said...

This should be part of a movie - it is hilarious (I'm sure not for you at the time, but in you telling the story I am dying)....

Jennifer said...

You are my hero. I would have decked her or cried.

Anonymous said...

Whoa man am I ever glad that my MIL is not like that MOG. I hope that she is nicer to the rest of your husband's family! The funny this is that it is a REHERSAL so it doesn't matter which side you sit on if you're just watching. Emily Post isn't going to come and bring the smack down just because an observer sat on the wrong side of the room *gasp!*

Now I feel somewhat angry for you.

Kristy said...

WOW. I'm a bit shocked right now. What a jerk. I probably would've cried, because any other reaction would've been waaaaaay inappropriate. Just because she doesn't know how to at least be polite doesn't mean I would've been (outright) rude (to her face) in return. Plus, I kind of feel like tears might have made her feel a *little* bad.

Rachel said...

Have you ever thought of using these experiences to write a soapy-novel??? Or maybe to try and get a job on the new "Melrose Place"??
Wow - what a bitch. You handled yourself really well, though. I'd like to say that I would have given her a piece of my mind, or slapped her, but... you were at a wedding, and I'm sure I would have just done the same thing you did - walk away.
At least that's not YOUR MIL.

My in-laws are *almost* as awesome as that lady. She tops them, but there have been many times they've come close. HOWEVER - I don't mention them on my blog b/c my SIL has a bad habit of stalking it and reporting to her mom. Yep.

By the way - thanks for the cheerful comments on my blog. I tried the clone thing and all that happened was the copier blew up and I was left standing in the smoke. ;-) Oh, and the computer I'm trying to access the photos from is a netbook. Chris has the house set up on some wireless network thing where we can have access to all that "wirelessly" - but for the life of me I don't remember how from the 2 seconds he showed me. If you happen to have a clue - let me know!